Venting I'm just not fit to be an adult

[heirofvoid]

After weeks of chickening out from job interviews, I finally went to one today. I went with no preparation at all because that's what made me so anxious when I was applying before. So, I thought fuck it let's go without preparing for anything and just get that experience.

I ended up looking stupid lol. I didn't have most of the requirements needed and the interviewer was shocked that I wasn't working on them. I literally had no idea that I should be getting those documents even while applying. She carefully explained how applying works but I can tell that she was irritated because I didn't know shit about applying at all. Most people I asked told me to lie on my resume but turns out I'm the worst at lying so I fumbled a lot. I also let it slip that I didn't know what to do with my life and she asked "Why should we even hire you if you don't know what to do with your life?" I froze for like seconds like DAMN I'M SORRY I'M NOT NORMAL LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. I honestly don't expect to hear back from them since I was a stupid mess earlier so I really just went for that experience.

I can tell that I have to lie in future interviews but it's so hard for me. It's so hard to act like a normal person. I literally don't have any long term goals nor any dreams. I am just here because I cannot CTB at all. That's just it. I'm just trying to fit in. I feel like even if I did finish college I would look dumb like I am right now. I don't feel like I can be an adult at all and I just can't see what is my life worth living for. I kept saying this for every inconvenience but I hope I can just CTB before this month ends. I don't care how painful it will get. I just can't stand being alive with nothing to live for. Every time I get asked about my future, I just don't have any answer! I don't see myself anywhere! I'm not even good at anything. Like the things I think I'm good at, someone's obviously better at it. I just don't have anything special to show.

Some people told me to get into a trade but I don't like any of them either. It'll be the same case as college where I'll just take whatever course is available even though I don't like it nor am I good at it. What if I just repeat what I did in college and drop again? I know I should be thankful that I can even get an education but honestly I just don't know why I'm doing all of these other than to pretend that I'm like everybody else.

Even if I did get into a trade I'll have to pay for my tuition so I have to get a job first. I'll also need my own place because I don't want my family to know that I'm taking a 2 year course instead. They'll look down on me.

I am so tired. I feel like I'm just not cut out for this. Why the fuck was I even born and why am I still alive when I have no contributions to the world at all?

 

[VoidDesirer22]

After weeks of chickening out from job interviews, I finally went to one today. I went with no preparation at all because that's what made me so anxious when I was applying before. So, I thought fuck it let's go without preparing for anything and just get that experience.

I ended up looking stupid lol. I didn't have most of the requirements needed and the interviewer was shocked that I wasn't working on them. I literally had no idea that I should be getting those documents even while applying. She carefully explained how applying works but I can tell that she was irritated because I didn't know shit about applying at all. Most people I asked told me to lie on my resume but turns out I'm the worst at lying so I fumbled a lot. I also let it slip that I didn't know what to do with my life and she asked "Why should we even hire you if you don't know what to do with your life?" I froze for like seconds like DAMN I'M SORRY I'M NOT NORMAL LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. I honestly don't expect to hear back from them since I was a stupid mess earlier so I really just went for that experience.

I can tell that I have to lie in future interviews but it's so hard for me. It's so hard to act like a normal person. I literally don't have any long term goals nor any dreams. I am just here because I cannot CTB at all. That's just it. I'm just trying to fit in. I feel like even if I did finish college I would look dumb like I am right now. I don't feel like I can be an adult at all and I just can't see what is my life worth living for. I kept saying this for every inconvenience but I hope I can just CTB before this month ends. I don't care how painful it will get. I just can't stand being alive with nothing to live for. Every time I get asked about my future, I just don't have any answer! I don't see myself anywhere! I'm not even good at anything. Like the things I think I'm good at, someone's obviously better at it. I just don't have anything special to show.

Some people told me to get into a trade but I don't like any of them either. It'll be the same case as college where I'll just take whatever course is available even though I don't like it nor am I good at it. What if I just repeat what I did in college and drop again? I know I should be thankful that I can even get an education but honestly I just don't know why I'm doing all of these other than to pretend that I'm like everybody else.

Even if I did get into a trade I'll have to pay for my tuition so I have to get a job first. I'll also need my own place because I don't want my family to know that I'm taking a 2 year course instead. They'll look down on me.

I am so tired. I feel like I'm just not cut out for this. Why the fuck was I even born and why am I still alive when I have no contributions to the world at all?

*Long warm hug*
I am with you on this.
I am not meant to live an adult life due to my high neurotism that has no cure.
I will not fumble through for decades if I can catch the bus into the sunset.

 

[LifeHasNoOptIn]

I'm sorry you had to go through this. The modern version of job interviews is some of the most insulting, dehumanizing bullshit around. Its literally like a test of your ability to be a lieing sociopathic POS like the people who excel in our modern sick society. It should be more than sufficient to say I would like to have a job to support myself and make a contribution to society, but it seems like you need to have some BS front story about being the next Elon Musk to bring the company to the moon. It's all such BS and just a dance of lies and false bravado. There was a time before "Human Resources" was a thing that just showing up and being reliable and doing your best was sufficient for most companies to give you a chance. Now you have to have this ridiculous script of lies ready to go for these gatekeepers just to get a chance to prove yourself.

My previous rant aside, hopefully you can find something that works for you and gives you a chance to feel better about your place in the world. I understand your feelings and definitely sympathize. Best of luck with your future endeavors <3

 

[Notemia]

After weeks of chickening out from job interviews, I finally went to one today. I went with no preparation at all because that's what made me so anxious when I was applying before. So, I thought fuck it let's go without preparing for anything and just get that experience.

I ended up looking stupid lol. I didn't have most of the requirements needed and the interviewer was shocked that I wasn't working on them. I literally had no idea that I should be getting those documents even while applying. She carefully explained how applying works but I can tell that she was irritated because I didn't know shit about applying at all. Most people I asked told me to lie on my resume but turns out I'm the worst at lying so I fumbled a lot. I also let it slip that I didn't know what to do with my life and she asked "Why should we even hire you if you don't know what to do with your life?" I froze for like seconds like DAMN I'M SORRY I'M NOT NORMAL LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. I honestly don't expect to hear back from them since I was a stupid mess earlier so I really just went for that experience.

I can tell that I have to lie in future interviews but it's so hard for me. It's so hard to act like a normal person. I literally don't have any long term goals nor any dreams. I am just here because I cannot CTB at all. That's just it. I'm just trying to fit in. I feel like even if I did finish college I would look dumb like I am right now. I don't feel like I can be an adult at all and I just can't see what is my life worth living for. I kept saying this for every inconvenience but I hope I can just CTB before this month ends. I don't care how painful it will get. I just can't stand being alive with nothing to live for. Every time I get asked about my future, I just don't have any answer! I don't see myself anywhere! I'm not even good at anything. Like the things I think I'm good at, someone's obviously better at it. I just don't have anything special to show.

Some people told me to get into a trade but I don't like any of them either. It'll be the same case as college where I'll just take whatever course is available even though I don't like it nor am I good at it. What if I just repeat what I did in college and drop again? I know I should be thankful that I can even get an education but honestly I just don't know why I'm doing all of these other than to pretend that I'm like everybody else.

Even if I did get into a trade I'll have to pay for my tuition so I have to get a job first. I'll also need my own place because I don't want my family to know that I'm taking a 2 year course instead. They'll look down on me.

I am so tired. I feel like I'm just not cut out for this. Why the fuck was I even born and why am I still alive when I have no contributions to the world at all?

Please don't be mad at yourself, it isn't your fault on any level. You did not ask for this and there is constant brainwashing in society that tries to push you into being exploited by some sociopaths. I'm not saying that because of anger or to diminish anyone, but people in high positions in the private sector are highly likely to be sociopaths, there are multiple studies on this. The average adult seems to waste away for 40 years and is too lethargic and numb to do anything fulfilling during the little free time they have, that doesn't seem like a state to be envious of. You are probably more aware and gentle than most people, but don't get upset because you can't fit in, because fitting into a place which is no good is not good in itself. Regarding your last line, you have it backwards, you didn't consent to being born and you owe the world no contributions, morally you are the one that is owed but sadly the world is not a moral place, hope you can find a solution to your problems.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Hey! Feel free to ignore, but (at least in the U.S.) it can be super helpful to just go through a temp agency like Manpower. They fill some permanent jobs and have lots of temp to perm jobs. You would do the bulk of the "interviewing" with the person at Manpower, and they'll match you where your qualifications fit, so you can just concentrate on "acting like a normal person" at your interview with the company where you will be working vs. having to defend the entirety of your life choices. Obviously this isn't for professional jobs like doctors, nurses, programmers, etc. It's great for different kinds of office work and warehousing... stuff like that.

 

[unkuto]

I'm 32 but I feel like I'm 12 year old trapped in this body. Because I have the same kid's mentality and worldviews and I'm just not fit to be adult for so many reasons.

 

[Pianoplayer]

Being locked in my own little black void for 13 years have really messed me up being an adult too.
My lack of skills and understanding baffles people when they ask. Also having no dream is apparently VERY wierd.

 

[TheWood]

This world made of selfishness, indifference and struggle for power unfortunately works like this. Don't feel stupid or inadequate but use what has happened to you to enrich your knowledge. This is also an experience to add to your person. Another thing, if you want to move forward you have to learn to not care what other people say or think. It's very difficult and can take some time but it's the only possible solution

 

[Cathy Ames]

I'm 32 but I feel like I'm 12 year old trapped in this body. Because I have the same kid's mentality and worldviews and I'm just not fit to be adult for so many reasons.

In my case, I think the trapped younger person is 15, but I feel the same. I was able to "pretend" at reasonably effective adulting for quite some time, but I can't do it any more.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Maybe you'd be happier if you bought a van or boat and lived in that, so you can get by working only a few hours a day in some cleaning job when everyone's gone home. My brother recently bought a boat, and it costs him £50/$65 a week for the marina mooring. If you can find a creative way to escape the rat-race, maybe you wouldn't want to CTB.

 

[heirofvoid]

Hey! Feel free to ignore, but (at least in the U.S.) it can be super helpful to just go through a temp agency like Manpower. They fill some permanent jobs and have lots of temp to perm jobs. You would do the bulk of the "interviewing" with the person at Manpower, and they'll match you where your qualifications fit, so you can just concentrate on "acting like a normal person" at your interview with the company where you will be working vs. having to defend the entirety of your life choices. Obviously this isn't for professional jobs like doctors, nurses, programmers, etc. It's great for different kinds of office work and warehousing... stuff like that.

I'm not in the U.S but I'll check if we have that here in my country. Thanks for letting me know!

Maybe you'd be happier if you bought a van or boat and lived in that, so you can get by working only a few hours a day in some cleaning job when everyone's gone home. My brother recently bought a boat, and it costs him £50/$65 a week for the marina mooring. If you can find a creative way to escape the rat-race, maybe you wouldn't want to CTB.

That sounds expensive lol. I don't think those are popular here though.

 

[Cathy Ames]

I'm not in the U.S but I'll check if we have that here in my country. Thanks for letting me know!

If you're trying to search, I think in the US they're called "staffing agencies" or something like that. They may be called something else where you are, but hopefully that will work. Good luck!

 

[FuneralCry]

I am also tired of living. This life really can be so depressing and I'm sorry that you are in this situation. It sounds stressful and tiring what you are going through. To me, life just seems to be pointless suffering and I am also only still here as it is difficult to ctb, I just want to be gone from this world. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I am also tired of living. This life really can be so depressing and I'm sorry that you are in this situation. It sounds stressful and tiring what you are going through. To me, life just seems to be pointless suffering and I am also only still here as it is difficult to ctb, I just want to be gone from this world. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

if you could shoot 200 years into the future, when AI and robot machinery does all the work for us, and we all get a universal payment, so we can do whatever we like all day, and homes are now easily erected from cheap flat-pack materials by robotic machinery, so everyone has a home, and chronic pain can be targetted and removed from the CNS by AI, and mental illnesses can be stabilized via the CNS-manipulating AI, and most illnesses can be dealt with much better than now - do you think you'd feel differently about life?

 

[FuneralCry]

if you could shoot 200 years into the future, when AI and robot machinery does all the work for us, and we all get a universal payment, so we can do whatever we like all day, and homes are now easily erected from cheap flat-pack materials by robotic machinery, so everyone has a home, and chronic pain can be targetted and removed from the CNS by AI, and mental illnesses can be stabilized via the CNS-manipulating AI, and most illnesses can be dealt with much better than now - do you think you'd feel differently about life?

No, not at all. I just want non existence. I do not want to live any kind of life. Life is so pointless and unnecessary.

 

[dreambound]

regarding 'i'm just not fit to be an adult'............adults are over-rated, they live on perceived speculation of their own importance, usually thanks
to being conditioned for society by schooling
..you may grow to appreciate what you now think of as faults.......an old wise dude said this about a million years ago (1970)
....."it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society"