NSFW I'm just a miserable incel

[BeyondOver]

same

 

[bnkshawty]

Long rant or vent, includes stupid nsfw stuff, ignore if u hate reading about miserable/pathetic guys

I'm a 22 yo kissless virgin so by definition I'm an incel. I don't think women actively hates me but no one has ever shown any sort of romantic or sexual interest towards me. I have huge insecurity and anxiety problem but I try my best to not show them in public, hell I even force myself to be more social than I really am. I have joined uni clubs, attended some dating events and so on but nahh. I remember back in 2024, I went to this event and I was speaking to a nice girl but after a while her friends came and sort of just snatched her away before I could even ask for her socials or anything, the look of disgust her friends gave me, I still remember vividly.


When I was 19, I proposed to a girl who I had known for more than a year and we were best friends, she accepted but then she went to another country for uni, I had told her that LDR is tough and that I will do everything to make it work, she said she was ready to make it work too. I took her words but she ended up cheating on me after just a month even tho I had the acceptance letter from that uni and would've gone to her had she kept her promise of being a trustworthy partner. To make matters worse, during our breakup she told me she had masturbated thinking of the other guy and that was the last. Her first kiss was that guy and I believe her first everything was someone else, the hug she gave me before going to the US is the only instance of physical intimacy I have experienced from someone I was interested in.


Girls scare me tbh, they make my stomach turn. Anytime my brain tries to register that someone's looking cute or pretty in the sense that I might be interested, I sort of just beat up my brain. Now I have trained myself to the extent that I autoreject at every turn. I'm a 5'7", average build south asian guy, I look 5/10 on my best days and I have a small penis, so it's highly unlikely that anyone will ever approach me on their own. I despise dating apps so I won't be registering for one anytime soon.

I love my family especially my younger sister because she actually looks upto me or at least the facade I have and I hope she never has to look into my soul because it's hideous . All my female classmates from back in high school held me in good regards so that's nice too. I can very easily give people honest compliments and that never bothers me, I'm a straightforward guy in some sense. I've always been a people pleaser, a nice guy or whatever u wanna call it. But the truth is I'm disgusting. I'm a guilt filled pathetic soulless meat puppet, my brain doesn't listen to me.

Everything aside, my hatred for myself, my body, my entire being isn't really what makes me unlikable on the outside because I hide them as much as I can, the facade I have is of a very chill average dude. So why I have had no luck with anyone well idk. I have sort of just given up and I plan to ctb when I turn 27, till then I will just drown in misery, be a useless son to my parents, maybe somehow get my engineering degree and make something out of it idk. Most of all I just want to be self sufficient, get a cat, get an apartment of my own and then die when I turn 27(unless something happens which can change the trajectory of my life).

So yeah I'm just a miserable incel.

WHAT WHY WOULD SHE SAY WHO SHE WAS GETTING OFF2 HELP DID SHE HATE U thats so weird omg

 

[Agent_PS]

Nowhere in their post did they ever claim or even imply that they planned on just resigning themself to a life of misogyny. It seems like they are just using the more literal and old-school definition of incel that was used prior to the community becoming what it is today. I don't think that most people going by the more recent meaning of the word would ever believe that the OP is an incel, since while they are a virgin and have difficulty with finding a partner, they also lack the general misogynistic attitudes that we associate with incels today, at least based on their post. Their hatred seems to be directed more inward rather than being projected onto others, especially women.

They literally talked about having been to clubs in uni, attending dating events, and going to other types of social gatherings in the past.

I don't get why you are suggesting that they do something they have already done before. The OP also talked about being held in high regard by his female classmates from high school, so it can be assumed that he is overall pretty nice to other women. Feeling nervous around those who you find attractive is pretty normal and something that nearly everyone experiences.

I feel like the problem here actually stems from the OP's tendency to beat himself up because of his lack of ability to find a relationship, which is understandable since wider society does tend to shame those who lack success when it comes to finding romance.

@Agent_PS there is nothing wrong about being a virgin. Even if people make it out to be this horrible thing, it really isn't. It doesn't mean anything in regard to your self-worth. I understand that for men in particular, there is a lot of pressure to lose your virginity as soon as possible. It's to the point where you have young boys who will get patted on the back for being raped and taken advantage of by older women and girls just because it means that they aren't a virgin anymore. I also understand the general pressure there is for all of us to get a romantic partner. The thing is, none of that really matters. Virginity is a social construct and having sex and/or having a partner isn't going to fix your issues of self-worth because those issues generally tend to be deeper and more complex than that.

I'm not a man, but I am a 22-year-old virgin and I only had someone (my current bf) confess their love for me around two years ago and I wouldn't say that it did much to fix any of my issues. Honestly, the first half of last year and the year before were a horrible time for me (my SH worsened, my suicidal ideation became more intense than it had ever been, I got suspended from my uni, I attempted to hang myself in the bathroom and failed miserably (as you can see now, based on me making this post), would do sexual stuff for guys online even when it made me uncomfortable, and so on). My starting to feel better didn't come until later on and it wasn't because of my current bf (though he was very supportive of me). The main reason behind me feeling better really just came down to me changing my perspective on things and breaking out of the shitty thought pattern I was stuck in (and also me using shrooms back during my self-destructive rampage).

The point is, that maybe you should focus more on your own well-being and prioritize that over finding a partner. If you do find someone then great! If you don't, then that's fine. Who cares about being a virgin? That doesn't make you bad or worthless.

thanks a lot. While none of my aforementioned problems were resolved that much, I have become less anxious around females I suppose. It's because I sort of just wanna see the people close to me lead a better life. Also the realization that every individual leads a complex life, helped me to self reflect better. Now I'm sort of focusing on helping others, trying to improve my mental health but the world around us just keeps getting shittier and I don't really see myself being courageous enough to live a fulfilling life witnessing everything. So I probably will still ctb at some point because I can't really float like a ignorant vagrant in the sea of misery forever.

 

[Agent_PS]

WHAT WHY WOULD SHE SAY WHO SHE WAS GETTING OFF2 HELP DID SHE HATE U thats so weird omg

yea the weirdest and one of the most toxic 2 hours convo I had with someone lmao. But I have moved on(kind of) from this. Only the permanent scars remain but working on them ig.

Never began for us truecels

You got an account on incels.is?

nah and while I sympathize with some of the peeps there. I'd say spewing hateful shi and being edgy isn't really gonna help anyone in the long term. But then again in a more rational sense, I suppose letting out your anger and frustration online is better than having an outburst irl. Just don't let rage and hatred cloud your judgement and don't let it ferment in your mind like that. If it's difficult to function like a "normie" then at least use whatever skills u have for yourself if no one else. I don't wanna give anyone a lecture on how they should be. You're probably grown up enough to decide how u wanna lead your life. Just don't harm yourself or anyone who doesn't deserve it.

 

[bnkshawty]

yea the weirdest and one of the most toxic 2 hours convo I had with someone lmao. But I have moved on(kind of) from this. Only the permanent scars remain but working on them ig.

nah and while I sympathize with some of the peeps there. I'd say spewing hateful shi and being edgy isn't really gonna help anyone in the long term. But then again in a more rational sense, I suppose letting out your anger and frustration online is better than having an outburst irl. Just don't let rage and hatred cloud your judgement and don't let it ferment in your mind like that. If it's difficult to function like a "normie" then at least use whatever skills u have for yourself if no one else. I don't wanna give anyone a lecture on how they should be. You're probably grown up enough to decide how u wanna lead your life. Just don't harm yourself or anyone who doesn't deserve it.

theres nothing wrong w being a virgin at 22 by the way lmao that shouldnt be what mkes u an "incel" though i do understand the stigma there is when a MAN says he is vs a woman for some reason society shames a man for being one even tho thats sm better than js sleeping w tons of women. when ive told men in the past (my ex) im a virgin he seemed to be more interested in me by that fact alone and there has to be a more weird reasoning behind that want for a "untouched" woman (js for bro to traumatize me) the world is so dumb