Iamtired
Experienced
- Sep 30, 2023
- 208
So I've made other threads about my life here, I know the answers to these questions however- I just need to vent about it again.
Surgery and dysmorphia ruined my life- I can't fully leave the past in the past because it unequivocally has ruined my sense of self. I had a good discussion with one of my friends yesterday about dysmorphia- and how the topic is conflated with the "we all have problems- they can be solved" argument. Unfortunately with dysmorphia sometimes there is no logical way to solve the problem. Compared to say- sometning like loneliness which can be solved by understanding behavioral patterns and theory of the mind. For dysmorphia- it's about how you view yourself. Not how others view you. There's only pain management for the issue. . My partner doesn't understand depression- he definitely can't fully understand dysmorphia and how could I ever expect him to, he hasn't lived it and I wouldn't want him to. It's a very nuanced problem as well- someone who has a rib taken out can experience dysmorphia- but what I and others are now experiencing is facial dysmorphia. A surgeon cut into my head….he moved things with my soft tissue. I am in daily agony because of the terror I feel when I look in the mirror.
The issue is such- my partner can not understand. I want to move forward. I have to want to move forward. But this is still going to plague me for the rest of my life very likely- and I'm not sure if I want to be alive some of those days. He says he will manage the pain with me. He will help me through it. But then again- I have to help me through it. And some days I simply just want to give up. I have people who love me and I don't want to hurt them. I truly don't- but the pain exceeds the benefit of them in my life some days and I can't outwardly express that without hurting them. But I do bemoan the issue, which sometimes causes my partner to shut down. I can't afford to lose him. I err on the side of caution but I am self-harming. I cut my arm open the other day. (I cut it open excessively needing stitches after the surgery when I realized something was terribly wrong) i am drinking which is a no no with my meds. Sometimes I don't eat. I have a history of mental health issues that I'm not sure at my age of 34 can truly be resolved. But I want to live?. But I also don't want to live in this much pain. The pain is disproportionate now. I bought the domperidone the other night in desperation to take with the SN I acquired in November
Has anyone dealt with this kind of Alienation caused by….well not just dysmorphia but overall mental health?. I want to be a strong partner for him. I also struggle with abandonment issues- I don't ever blame him but I have picked fights and told him to find someone stronger.
Surgery and dysmorphia ruined my life- I can't fully leave the past in the past because it unequivocally has ruined my sense of self. I had a good discussion with one of my friends yesterday about dysmorphia- and how the topic is conflated with the "we all have problems- they can be solved" argument. Unfortunately with dysmorphia sometimes there is no logical way to solve the problem. Compared to say- sometning like loneliness which can be solved by understanding behavioral patterns and theory of the mind. For dysmorphia- it's about how you view yourself. Not how others view you. There's only pain management for the issue. . My partner doesn't understand depression- he definitely can't fully understand dysmorphia and how could I ever expect him to, he hasn't lived it and I wouldn't want him to. It's a very nuanced problem as well- someone who has a rib taken out can experience dysmorphia- but what I and others are now experiencing is facial dysmorphia. A surgeon cut into my head….he moved things with my soft tissue. I am in daily agony because of the terror I feel when I look in the mirror.
The issue is such- my partner can not understand. I want to move forward. I have to want to move forward. But this is still going to plague me for the rest of my life very likely- and I'm not sure if I want to be alive some of those days. He says he will manage the pain with me. He will help me through it. But then again- I have to help me through it. And some days I simply just want to give up. I have people who love me and I don't want to hurt them. I truly don't- but the pain exceeds the benefit of them in my life some days and I can't outwardly express that without hurting them. But I do bemoan the issue, which sometimes causes my partner to shut down. I can't afford to lose him. I err on the side of caution but I am self-harming. I cut my arm open the other day. (I cut it open excessively needing stitches after the surgery when I realized something was terribly wrong) i am drinking which is a no no with my meds. Sometimes I don't eat. I have a history of mental health issues that I'm not sure at my age of 34 can truly be resolved. But I want to live?. But I also don't want to live in this much pain. The pain is disproportionate now. I bought the domperidone the other night in desperation to take with the SN I acquired in November
Has anyone dealt with this kind of Alienation caused by….well not just dysmorphia but overall mental health?. I want to be a strong partner for him. I also struggle with abandonment issues- I don't ever blame him but I have picked fights and told him to find someone stronger.
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