Help I'm in my late 20s and have no friends. What even are my options at this point?

[Spite]

I've pretty much been practically friendless my entire life. I have no social life. I never hangout with anyone. I'm always alone. I'm autistic, depressed, crippled with social anxiety and have been for as long as I can remember. I hardly relate to anyone and trying to socialise with people is agonising. I'm such an incredibly awkward, embarrassing mess. I can barely look at people in the eyes and I trip over my words and panic whenever I have to interact with someone, like at my job for example.

I'm not "cool" and never have been. I've always been a loser. I'm extremely quiet and introverted. Everyone around me in my day-to-day life is so loud, outgoing and extroverted and it makes me very uncomfortable. Even my family is like this and I'm the odd one out. I've never fit in anywhere. I feel like I don't belong anywhere and I was never meant for this world. I feel so... so alien, so robotic compared to almost everybody else, like... my mind, my personality, and the way I think makes me feel like I am from an entirely different dimension or something. I don't know what the hell I am. I sometimes don't even feel like I'm human.

I've always wished I could belong in a friend group. I've always wanted to go watch a movie with friends. Go on a road trip with friends. Go bowling with friends. I've never been able to experience anything like that ever. It's humiliating and I have missed out on so much in life. I get very upset when I see other people my age and younger living their lives to the fullest and hanging out with their friends because it serves as a stark reminder of everything I have missed out on.

I'm 27, starting to push towards 30 now. It feels like the older I'm getting it's becoming more and more impossible to try to make and keep friends. This is getting weirder the older I'm getting, too.

I've tried everything. I've tried joining social groups. I've tried going out places and meeting people. Nothing has ever worked. I'm at the point now where I really either have to seriously fight for this and give it my all, or I need to accept my fate, surrender and somehow find peace with the fact that I was probably destined to go through life as a friendless outcast. It's so incredibly painful, though.

I hate my situation and going through life without friends is horrible. I truly feel like my life isn't even worth living.

 

[owarikigan]

i feel the same despite it contradicting my general disdain for people. i've always been really desperate for a group that will still keep me around even if i'm offputting, not being very interesting nor talkative but to just feel appreciated and wanted would be nice. i wish i could give some advice but i know it's nowhere near as easy as it seems. personally i find the slightest bit of comfort knowing there are a lot of people out there in the same spot, and maybe once every two years while playing a game or posting on socials someone reaches out in my experience and i'll get adopted by some extrovert but it's very rare and hasn't occurred in quite some time. i play multiplayer games and look at forums often but i observe / lurk just to fill the innate need for people around. i dont know if such things will aid you but it at least alleviates the mental distress for a bit imo

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I'm in the same spot, also in my late 20s. I'm an introvert but made an effort to be more extroverted to meet people, and they all leave in the end anyways. I've realized that there really are only two options to the "no friends" problem: either settle or give up.

There's always going to be other people looking to make new friends, but that doesn't mean you need to be authentic with them if your only goal is having friends without the emotional connection. This can even be reasonable if you only want to "make friends" for networking or for work. If you beat yourself down and put yourself away as much as possible, chances are you will eventually find people who will accept the fake version of you. Faking it increases how many people you will get to meet much more compared to being authentic, but you sacrifice that authentic connection.

If the authentic connection is what you want and you just can't seem to find it no matter what, then your only other options are keep looking or giving up. When you give up, you realize first that nobody will ever love your true 100% authentic self, but also that you aren't willing to settle even a small amount because it's exhausting and unrewarding. You realize that your alleged "perfect person" will still only care about you if you settle on certain things, since nobody will ever be a perfect match, and you realize that real connection is a lie for everyone, not just you. Or, for the people who continue to believe that true connection is possible, they accept that there's probably something innately wrong with them that entirely restricts them from entering the realm of true connection with others.

 

[CatOfImpulse]

I was in a similar boat for my early 20s and felt especially down during college, where I really felt I was 'missing out' on some pivotal social experience. I did end up finding somewhat meaningful connections with kind coworkers and the occasional check in from estranged old childhood friends, but most of my 'emotional connection' comes from friendships I formed online. Whilst I understand this isn't enough for everyone, it became authentic enough for me. Joining online communities about my interests and slowly getting to know others around me was what kept me going.