RedIris
Member
- Feb 23, 2023
- 15
Note: Mentions of self harm
--- i wanted a place to vent since social media usualy takes these things down. Not asking of anyone to comfort me or reply. You can if you want ofc. Also i do not plan on CTB soon, but i do at a certain point in future.
The title is self explenatory. Im bad at everything.
Im not academicaly nor life smart. My memory and logic thinking are almost non existent. I tried taking better education and ended up in shambles due to stress and unability to keep up with my peers. Whats easy for someone its really hard for me to learn. This eventualy made me start frequently self harming as my only way to release the stress.
Im not life smart either. Im not creative, innovative nor can make good financial decisions no matter how much i try.
Im uneployed at the moment because i have a horrible fear of other people. Even going to the store and passing by another person makes me feel a huge amount of fear and dread. Some time ago i ended up in ER due to serious heart palpitations caused by severe amounts of stress. That stress came from usual daily life - graduation, parents arguing, lot of studying etc. Nothing life changing or heavy to bare.
I hate being like this. My anxiety doesnt let me function along me being the most useless person i ever saw. Only thing i can do is draw but im quite mid in that - and it def wont pay the bills.
I tried taking on tasks, like driving school for example, but it again led me to dreading and constantly self harming. Whenever a minor inconvinience happens in my life i feel so bad about that i need to self harm or i cant calm down for hours. I am fully aware that the situation definitely doesnt demand me to self harm yet i still cant even slightly control my emotions. Im always so angry and frustrated and mad because of such minor inconviniances. I often feel dizzy because of blood loss if i self harm multiple times a day.
I see no future for myself. I graduated recently so im living with my parents under a excuse that i will go to college in a year or two which i certanly know wont work out. Even if i try i know i will drop out. I know what are my limits but my family still thinks that im lazy although i worked day and night in highschool.
As i said, i see no future for myself. If i try working an actual job it will just cause me to self harm even more often and more severely because of all the social interactions. I cant persue a higher education. Im a really weak skinny girl with spine and knee deformatioms from birth that both demand surgeries so i cant do hard manual labour either.
After the next few years pass, i think it will be the end for me. I do have 2 or 3 things that bring me joy in life, but im aware i wont be able to finance myself without putting myself in danger from myself. I see no way i could go trough life.
--- i wanted a place to vent since social media usualy takes these things down. Not asking of anyone to comfort me or reply. You can if you want ofc. Also i do not plan on CTB soon, but i do at a certain point in future.
The title is self explenatory. Im bad at everything.
Im not academicaly nor life smart. My memory and logic thinking are almost non existent. I tried taking better education and ended up in shambles due to stress and unability to keep up with my peers. Whats easy for someone its really hard for me to learn. This eventualy made me start frequently self harming as my only way to release the stress.
Im not life smart either. Im not creative, innovative nor can make good financial decisions no matter how much i try.
Im uneployed at the moment because i have a horrible fear of other people. Even going to the store and passing by another person makes me feel a huge amount of fear and dread. Some time ago i ended up in ER due to serious heart palpitations caused by severe amounts of stress. That stress came from usual daily life - graduation, parents arguing, lot of studying etc. Nothing life changing or heavy to bare.
I hate being like this. My anxiety doesnt let me function along me being the most useless person i ever saw. Only thing i can do is draw but im quite mid in that - and it def wont pay the bills.
I tried taking on tasks, like driving school for example, but it again led me to dreading and constantly self harming. Whenever a minor inconvinience happens in my life i feel so bad about that i need to self harm or i cant calm down for hours. I am fully aware that the situation definitely doesnt demand me to self harm yet i still cant even slightly control my emotions. Im always so angry and frustrated and mad because of such minor inconviniances. I often feel dizzy because of blood loss if i self harm multiple times a day.
I see no future for myself. I graduated recently so im living with my parents under a excuse that i will go to college in a year or two which i certanly know wont work out. Even if i try i know i will drop out. I know what are my limits but my family still thinks that im lazy although i worked day and night in highschool.
As i said, i see no future for myself. If i try working an actual job it will just cause me to self harm even more often and more severely because of all the social interactions. I cant persue a higher education. Im a really weak skinny girl with spine and knee deformatioms from birth that both demand surgeries so i cant do hard manual labour either.
After the next few years pass, i think it will be the end for me. I do have 2 or 3 things that bring me joy in life, but im aware i wont be able to finance myself without putting myself in danger from myself. I see no way i could go trough life.
