Venting i’m having conflicting thoughts on my abortion

[nihilisticmystics]

i've always wanted to be a mother, but i know that that could never happen and i would be dead anyways. when i found out i was pregnant, my reaction was fear, disgust, and sadness. i hated being pregnant and i hated the fact that i was pregnant. a week has gone by and my abortion pills just arrived but i have grown attached to my baby. i know that it is in both mine and my child's best interest if i aborted it, and i am definitely going to abort it, but i am so hesitant on it. my abortion pills arrived 2 days ago and i've been putting off actually starting the process of abortion because i don't want to officially not be pregnant anymore. even though i am only 5 weeks pregnant, i rub and touch my tummy and talk to it like how i saw my mom do when she was 8 months pregnant with my sister. my mom ended up passing away when my sister was only 4 and i was 8. i really wish she was here with me throughout this and i felt really connected to her when i talked to my baby the same way she talked to my sister, and probably me. i didn't expect to start getting attached to my baby and now that i am, it's really difficult to actually begin the process to get rid of it. but i will and i know i have to, i just don't think i'm ready and its weird because i was so eager to get my abortion pills to get rid of it. now i'm putting it off. weird change of events lol

to all mothers here, mothers who had their babies, mothers who lost their babies, mothers who had abortions whether they chose to or not, i feel for you all and i have a lot of respect for you. i feel like this is one of the most intimate things that females can connect over, and i never expected myself to be apart of this or experience this.

this will be the closest thing i will ever get to motherhood, to have something to take care of. i wish i was normal, happy, and stable enough to somehow keep it. but i know i can't and i know i will be dead soon, so there's no point anyways

 

[bigzam]

you dont have a baby, you have a potential baby. at 5 weeks you're completely in the clear to abort

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

you dont have a baby, you have a potential baby. at 5 weeks you're completely in the clear to abort

This person knows that. But that doesn't change how the pregnancy feels to them.

 

[bigzam]

This person knows that. But that doesn't change how the pregnancy feels to them.

your right, i guess i was just trying to assuage any potential guilt

 

[nihilisticmystics]

you dont have a baby, you have a potential baby. at 5 weeks you're completely in the clear to abort

No shit but that's not what Im talking abt plz learn media literacy

 

[PI3.14]

It's a situation that's very emotionally overwhelming.

Perhaps you need to find people who have been through similar experiences.

I've seen people who regretted carrying on with the pregnancy, and others who regretted abortion.

Best you make the decision after thinking it through deeply so that if you feel any guilt, at least you know you thought it through.

Best wishes.

 

[Mortelles]

I had an abortion and it still haunts me to this day. I also hated being pregnant because I gained so much weight. My family was less than approving and the guy who's baby it was wasn't ready to be a father. He manipulated me into getting an abortion, but if you're hesitant I'd suggest talking toi a certified counselor or therapist before you make any decisions.

 

[Alpacachino]

What are your life goals? Regarding job,education, Married life, etcetera. Because a baby will come in the way of all that, unfortunately.

It's fine to have one if you really want to, and the only parents that should have one are the ones that really really want one.

However, you have to focus on you first so that you can give a good life to your child and you can both have proper fulfilling lives.If you face great difficulty in bringing up the child, they will only resent you and you might resent them as well.

So it might be wise to have a baby at another point in life.

 

[itsgone2]

there are other options like adoption. Contrary to what a lot of folks say, babies are usually scooped up by loving parents right away because most adoptive parents are looking for a baby.

I know someone that recently adopted. All are very happy.

Raising them in an unstable environment is risky though. I wish I'd been given up by my parents, or even aborted. Anything but being raised in that home.

 

[nihilisticmystics]

It's a situation that's very emotionally overwhelming.

Perhaps you need to find people who have been through similar experiences.

I've seen people who regretted carrying on with the pregnancy, and others who regretted abortion.

Best you make the decision after thinking it through deeply so that if you feel any guilt, at least you know you thought it through.

Best wishes.

That last part resonates with me and I needed to hear that, thank you so much

Do you want to put a child that never asked into this cruel world?

To me you should abort the baby. Your kid will thank you for this.

Believe me i know. I mean, I'm on this website in the first place and have an active plan to ctb. Keeping the baby is completely rhetorical, I was just venting about my feelings on it

 

[Blue_]

Being the child of a depressed and suicidal person, growing up with that burden was no gift. Children are like emotional sponges, and sometimes the desire to give them a good life isn't enough. I'm living proof of that.

 

[nihilisticmystics]

I know someone that recently adopted. All are very happy.

Raising them in an unstable environment is risky though. I wish I'd been given up by my parents, or even aborted. Anything but being raised in that home.

Yeah exactly, I wish I was never born myself. I would never put my baby into this horrible world, not now. Me talking about keeping the baby is all hypothetical and I was just talking abt how I felt, i grew up in a terrible environment with a terrible "stepmom" and it still effects me into adulthood to this day, so I understand you. Sending you love and light

 

[Still here]

Got nothing solid to say but I hope you will make a good decision after serious contemplation....

All the best sweetheart.....

 

[KlMeNw]

I know someone that recently adopted. All are very happy.

Raising them in an unstable environment is risky though. I wish I'd been given up by my parents, or even aborted. Anything but being raised in that home.

That last part resonates with me and I needed to hear that, thank you so much

Believe me i know. I mean, I'm on this website in the first place and have an active plan to ctb. Keeping the baby is completely rhetorical, I was just venting about my feelings on it

Adoption is an option. I tried posting this earlier but somehow it was deleted by the mods. Again the mods here are censoring free speech because of a comment doesn't conform to what they believe. You really should at least think long and hard about giving the baby up instead of aborting. You'll at least be giving the baby a chance and because its a baby it will most likely be with a family right away.

 

[nihilisticmystics]

Adoption is an option. I tried posting this earlier but somehow it was deleted by the mods. Again the mods here are censoring free speech because of a comment doesn't conform to what they believe. You really should at least think long and hard about giving the baby up instead of aborting. You'll at least be giving the baby a chance and because its a baby it will most likely be with a family right away.

I think it's because your comment came off as pro-life slop but I understood what you were trying to say, but waiting 8 more months to birth the baby doesn't align with my reality, as I will be ctb soon

 

[IsilOzgurluk]

you dont have a baby, you have a potential baby. at 5 weeks you're completely in the clear to abort

>potential baby
I respectfully disagree. I think it's a baby when it's conceived. She obviously has the right to do what she wants to the baby. But calling it a "potential baby" is doing mental gymnastics

 

[KlMeNw]

>potential baby
I respectfully disagree. I think it's a baby when it's conceived. She obviously has the right to do what she wants to the baby. But calling it a "potential baby" is doing mental gymnastics

This is facts, I posted this earlier but the mods deleted it. Nothing will stop the baby being born at this point other than human intervention.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

What are your life goals? Regarding job,education, Married life, etcetera. Because a baby will come in the way of all that, unfortunately.

It's fine to have one if you really want to, and the only parents that should have one are the ones that really really want one.

However, you have to focus on you first so that you can give a good life to your child and you can both have proper fulfilling lives.If you face great difficulty in bringing up the child, they will only resent you and you might resent them as well.

So it might be wise to have a baby at another point in life.

Her goal is to CTB.

 

[dontwakemeup]

You're pregnant and highly emotional now, which is perfectly normal!. Your thought and ideas are all over the place, which is normal. I've had 2 abortions, 1 miscarriage and 2 children. I now wish I never had any children. My 1st abortion was easy, I was sleep and woke up and it was over, no attachment and I never cried, I tolerated it very well.
My 2nd abortion was difficult. I went to sleep and I remember them waking me up. I woke up and cried and told them I had changed my mind and they could keep the money and I wanted my baby. They all looked so confused and I was thought what is wrong with these people, say something!! They told me the procedure was already over! I was pissed and cursed them out and told them they should have waken me up to ensure this is what I truly wanted! Months went by and eventually I got over it, but it was hard.
I have 2 children that I no longer communicate with because they gave me a life of pure hell! Motherhood to me wasn't a beautiful experience, but for others it can be.
There is no way to see the future of course. If you aren't completely committed to taking the pill then I highly advise you not to! But whatever you decide you need to hurry up because your attachment is increasing and it's time you start prenatal vitamins and get checked.
I understand this is a very difficult decision. Maybe speak to people in person who have done both options. In the end our stories are our stories. Having a baby can change your outlook on life in a positive way. But if your're on a suicide site then maybe having a baby right now may not be in the best interest for you.
If you take the pill, you may have small cramping but nothing major. You may bleed a little but you will be fine. The pill is the easiest form. Maybe speak to a counselor to help you through this process. Best wishes to whatever you decide!

 

[nihilisticmystics]

Pro-life slop? Its one thing to respect your own personal decision to CTB, its another to take that choice from someone who has no power and agency. Silencing or censoring someone because they dont agree with what you're saying is not and should not be what this site is about. Discourse must be free here to learn and understand what each other situations are and understand what we are going through, and maybe yes, hearing something that you dont agree with. Sometimes, when our views are challenged and we are given enough information about an opposing view, then we may change our minds. At least that's how it should be instead of living in an echo chamber never hearing anything that may upset us.

I never said anything about them silencing you or deleting your comment. I never gave an opinion on that, actually. I was just telling you why you probably got your comment deleted. You should send that paragraph to a mod if you're that upset

 

[rs929]

I'm not able to advise on this topic, but I do notice something in what you said. When you mention feeling attached to your baby, it stands out, there's a thread of "life drive" in that feeling. It suggests there's still a part of you that's connected to something meaningful. I'm not saying you must choose anything in particular, only that this part of you might not be completely off the table.

 

[martyrdom]

I never said anything about them silencing you or deleting your comment. I never gave an opinion on that, actually. I was just telling you why you probably got your comment deleted. You should send that paragraph to a mod if you're that upset

The guy you're speaking to is a pro-forced birth misogynist who told a SA victim that maybe she is full of shit or maybe she was a prostitute and invited her assault and that women can't build civilization. Don't expect a lot from the interaction.

 

[nihilisticmystics]

The guy you're speaking to is a pro-forced birth misogynist who told a SA victim that maybe she is full of shit or maybe she was a prostitute and invited her assault and that women can't build civilization. Don't expect a lot from the interaction.

What a disgusting piece of shit I knew something was up about him based on how bigoted he sounded in his now mod-deleted comment

 

[martyrdom]

What a disgusting piece of shit I knew something was up about him based on how bigoted he sounded in his now mod-deleted comment

Yeah honestly disgusting that he has the gall to respond to you about such a sensitive topic when this is what he thinks of women and SA victims, and then go on to make your thread about how he's being "censored" (which he's made threads about lol).

But anyway, on your situation - I say let yourself feel those emotions and most importantly, speak to a trusted older woman about how you feel. I am a man so I don't think I can provide any meaningful input, but I think connecting with other women about the experience could be really therapeutic.

 

[Whale_bones]

@Dejected 55 This isn't a thread made for debating, this is someone sharing their personal story. It's really gross to try to debate if someone was SA'd in the first place, but if you actually read those posts, she was talking about multiple different instances, and she explained what happened each time. Nothing about her story is inconsistent, I advise you to read up on basic biology before making these type of claims; pregnancy is counted in weeks from the date of the last period, not from the date of conception. If conception was 2-3 weeks ago, around 2 weeks after that is when someone would get a positive pregnancy test, and they'd be considered 5-6 weeks pregnant.

@nihilisticmystics I'm sorry you have to deal with these kind of responses, hopefully you can just ignore them, as it's clear they're coming from people who don't even know the basic facts about pregnancy. In response to your post, even if you know abortion is the right thing for you and the potential life you'd bring into this world, you can still feel grief and loss and that's completely valid. I hope you have the time and space to process this in whatever way you can, and know you're not alone, many women have been through the same thing.

 

[nihilisticmystics]

To everyone that's mad I'm having an abortion just remember what site you're on in the first place, and honestly you should get better hobbies rather than just creating accounts to spread pro life slop when people clearly don't want it. you are not a hero. you are not saving anyone or anything. Get a hobby

 

[Namelesa Graves]

Can we please stop arguing and derailing the thread please. Thank you.