Venting I'm going to kill myself because I don't want to work.

[Confront4283]

I've never made it past probation in any job and have been the most depressed when I'm working, I realized that adult life is not for me. It's not what I signed up for. I don't want to spend 8 hours in some depressing office for the rest of my life. When I was younger I had time to enjoy my life, school was short and there was no responsibilities. It was ALMOST unbearable then but I could find a way to keep going.

Whenever I express this to people they call me lazy, they say "welcome to the real world", they say "grow up." Fine. You win. You're right. I may be all of those things, but I don't have to choose to play.

I'm looking into ordering SN which should kill me, I'm hoping that by posting maybe I'll see an alternative to something but I highly doubt it.
It's been fun, but it's time for me to leave.

 

[DoubleUp8]

Maybe find a profession you like and it might be different

 

[Confront4283]

But what? I've been searching for years and can't find anything that isn't either extremely time consuming or at all fun. I'd like to be a musician but that's impossible nowadays. I have to be slave for the rest of my life it's pathetic.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

But what? I've been searching for years and can't find anything that isn't either extremely time consuming or at all fun. I'd like to be a musician but that's impossible nowadays. I have to be slave for the rest of my life it's pathetic.

Why do you say it is impossible to be a musician?

 

[Confront4283]

Why do you say it is impossible to be a musician?

Because it requires an insane amount of luck and is extremely competitive and usually requires actually 80% marketing and networking, it's not as simple as just being able to make music.

 

[thenamingofcats]

Whenever I express this to people they call me lazy, they say "welcome to the real world", they say "grow up." Fine. You win. You're right. I may be all of those things, but I don't have to choose to play.

This makes me wonder what kinds of jobs they do and what their lives are like outside of work. If I had a reasonable job that paid a living wage and some things I enjoyed I have to think my situation would be a lot different.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Same here. Adult life isn't for me as well. I don't want to work and slave away for decades pointlessly. I'm at my limit right now. I've reached a point where I don't want to progress further in life because everything ahead of this is too hard for me. I just hope that I end up killing myself during the second academic year of my university as... this is it. I can't, nor do I want to, progress from here

Maybe find a profession you like and it might be different

I know that OP has a profession that they like but not everybody has a profession that they like. I personally don't have a profession that I'll ever enjoy. I shouldn't be expected to have a profession that I enjoy when I've never even chose to be here to begin with

 

[DoubleUp8]

Same here. Adult life isn't for me as well. I don't want to work and slave away for decades pointlessly. I'm at my limit right now. I've reached a point where I don't want to progress further in life because everything ahead of this is too hard for me. I just hope that I end up killing myself during the second academic year of my university as... this is it. I can't, nor do I want to, progress from here

I know that OP has a profession that they like but not everybody has a profession that they like. I personally don't have a profession that I'll ever enjoy. I shouldn't be expected to have a profession that I enjoy when I've never even chose to be here to begin with

True not everyone has a profession that they like. The world is overpopulated with over 8 billion humans and going up. For every 2 deaths there are 4.3 births. So I don't see what the big deal is that some of us want to go. We should be welcomed and given a last few glorious days b4 a humane death.

 

[Linda]

I've never made it past probation in any job and have been the most depressed when I'm working, I realized that adult life is not for me. It's not what I signed up for. I don't want to spend 8 hours in some depressing office for the rest of my life. When I was younger I had time to enjoy my life, school was short and there was no responsibilities. It was ALMOST unbearable then but I could find a way to keep going.

Whenever I express this to people they call me lazy, they say "welcome to the real world", they say "grow up." Fine. You win. You're right. I may be all of those things, but I don't have to choose to play.

I'm looking into ordering SN which should kill me, I'm hoping that by posting maybe I'll see an alternative to something but I highly doubt it.
It's been fun, but it's time for me to leave.

Have you looked for a kind of job that you would enjoy doing? Not all jobs are office jobs.

 

[Unknown21]

I've never made it past probation in any job and have been the most depressed when I'm working, I realized that adult life is not for me. It's not what I signed up for. I don't want to spend 8 hours in some depressing office for the rest of my life. When I was younger I had time to enjoy my life, school was short and there was no responsibilities. It was ALMOST unbearable then but I could find a way to keep going.

Whenever I express this to people they call me lazy, they say "welcome to the real world", they say "grow up." Fine. You win. You're right. I may be all of those things, but I don't have to choose to play.

I'm looking into ordering SN which should kill me, I'm hoping that by posting maybe I'll see an alternative to something but I highly doubt it.
It's been fun, but it's time for me to leave.

I understand you very much. This is one of my main reasons as well. My previous job caused me trauma. I suffer from autism and chronic social anxiety. These two diseases make my dealings with people and my mingling with them similar to torture. I was at school actually thinking about committing suicide until it was time to leave. The moment the school end bell sounded like the sound of freedom, as if I was a prisoner. I can't imagine myself working for 40 years or so.

 

[Confront4283]

I understand you very much. This is one of my main reasons as well. My previous job caused me trauma. I suffer from autism and chronic social anxiety. These two diseases make my dealings with people and my mingling with them similar to torture. I was at school actually thinking about committing suicide until it was time to leave. The moment the school end bell sounded like the sound of freedom, as if I was a prisoner. I can't imagine myself working for 40 years or so.

You understand so well, we are all fucking wagies put on this earth for no reason other than to be a cog in a machine.

Have you looked for a kind of job that you would enjoy doing? Not all jobs are office jobs.

I've looked and I've tried. I've tried retail, software engineering, being a waiter, IT support, and software engineering, it's all soul sucking.

 

[stupidhuman]

I feel pretty much the same way.
I live off social money and waste my life away. I'm trash in that sense. People have it much harder than me but I'm incapable in fulfilling myself - what ever that even is…

I wonder whether there's an underlying issue going on when people say they don't want to work and that's why they want to kill themselves.
That doesn't necessarily has to invalide the wish to CTB but it's kinda what I feel.
I don't believe 100% that's the true statement but there's something underlying. Also not necessarily a mental illness (or maybe it is) but something else. Some sort of mental stuckness ?

Like I said I feel the same about CTB my friend but I always like to challenge my own thoughts

 

[AmberianDawn]

Something similar happens to me, I would like to work on something that I really like. Until now I have had jobs that did not satisfy me and I ended up leaving them. I think I just can't sit for 9 hours in an office doing something I don't like.
I would like to dedicate myself to music too, but not having contacts makes it difficult.

Sometimes I think about leaving everything and going to sell incense burners or something handmade.

The other day I met a person who did that, she lives in a small mobile home with a cat and a dog, in a very nice place. Maybe it's a matter of daring to do something new and different. Many times we prefer to stay in the comfort zone... I am aware of that, I hope I can change it

 

[prisonerofexistence]

Same here adult life isn't for me,i can't imagine my self slaving away for 40 yrs.The only way i wouldn't kms is by miraculously get a 1.5M $ lol,in that case i would be able to live independently for the rest of my life(inflation aside).Since that is obviously not going to happen im probably going to ctb sooner or later there's no way i'm working 9-5.

 

[sserafim]

I feel pretty much the same way.
I live off social money and waste my life away. I'm trash in that sense. People have it much harder than me but I'm incapable in fulfilling myself - what ever that even is…

I wonder whether there's an underlying issue going on when people say they don't want to work and that's why they want to kill themselves.
That doesn't necessarily has to invalide the wish to CTB but it's kinda what I feel.
I don't believe 100% that's the true statement but there's something underlying. Also not necessarily a mental illness (or maybe it is) but something else. Some sort of mental stuckness ?

Like I said I feel the same about CTB my friend but I always like to challenge my own thoughts

I don't dream of labor

 

[ijustwishtodie]

True not everyone has a profession that they like. The world is overpopulated with over 8 billion humans and going up. For every 2 deaths there are 4.3 births. So I don't see what the big deal is that some of us want to go. We should be welcomed and given a last few glorious days b4 a humane death.

Exactly, I agree. Our lives are insignificant anyway and death is inevitable. We should be allowed a peaceful death for whenever we request it

I don't dream of labor

Same here. I can't relate to those who want to work. I don't feel guilty over not wanting to work. Pro lifers can call it lazy but, honestly, I don't even care. I am lazy, so what? I'd rather have it where others worked but I didn't. Unfortunately I've gotten unlucky and so I have to kill myself as that's the only way to avoid labor

 

[Confront4283]

I don't dream of labor

Exactly. "Oh yeah life is so awesome I get to spend 80% of it either sleeping or sucking my soul away!" What is the cope that people have that makes this an ok enough deal to them to the point of wanting to live?

Exactly, I agree. Our lives are insignificant anyway and death is inevitable. We should be allowed a peaceful death for whenever we request it

Same here. I can't relate to those who want to work. I don't feel guilty over not wanting to work. Pro lifers can call it lazy but, honestly, I don't even care. I am lazy, so what? I'd rather have it where others worked but I didn't. Unfortunately I've gotten unlucky and so I have to kill myself as that's the only way to avoid labor

Exactly, It's either I'm lazy and I still say or I'm dead. Choose.

 

[prisonerofexistence]

I wonder whether there's an underlying issue going on when people say they don't want to work and that's why they want to kill themselves

I think the underlying reason is young ppl today being less religious and see life for what it truly is(pointless rat race) it's not like there's a trophy at the end of the line,life is pointless and i don't see anything yet that justify all the suffering,so yeah i think young ppl today are more realistic than previous generations or maybe they have it worse idk.

 

[stupidhuman]

I don't dream of labor

Me neither. It makes me suicidal and the idea is a trigger to me.
Ending my life because of that can not be more "extreme".

Also Id like to correct myself about the "underlying issue" stuff. I won't call it issue anymore that makes it sound super wrong.

I am not sure why but I feel like there's an underlying thought/idea/expectation/SOMETHING!
underneath that does not have to do with work per se. I wish I'd found out what it is.
Maybe it's the accumulation of life and the general own thought that life is not worth living - in that case most work that you can do will not help obviously.

There's always the chance that what I said is just about me and it'll apply to me but not to anyone else and I get that.
Or maybe I'm just talking nonsense and gibberish …

I think the underlying reason is young ppl today being less religious and see life for what it truly is(pointless rat race) it's not like there's a trophy at the end of the line,life is pointless and i don't see anything yet that justify all the suffering,so yeah i think young ppl today are more realistic than previous generations or maybe they have it worse idk.

that's a good point !

 

[DoubleUp8]

I think the underlying reason is young ppl today being less religious and see life for what it truly is(pointless rat race) it's not like there's a trophy at the end of the line,life is pointless and i don't see anything yet that justify all the suffering,so yeah i think young ppl today are more realistic than previous generations or maybe they have it worse idk.

Young people have it worse in a lot of ways in 21st century. It's way harder to survive in the 21st century. Especially non-wealthy people. Poverty didn't used to mean no place to live for example. In 1950s 60s and 70s and even into 80s, maybe 90s you could live pretty well on a modest income. Today seems like you gotta be a millionaire just to survive. For sure to live a middle class lifestyle in the 20th century, you'd have to be a millionaire to live that kind of lifestyle today

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Come onnnnnn. You're overthinking it. It's only about 40 or so years of hard labor, then you can die.

 

[Confront4283]

Come onnnnnn. You're overthinking it. It's only about 40 or so years of hard labor, then you can die.

Either you wait 40 years living a miserable life and die, or you die now. hmm, hard decision

 

[Surai]

This life just feels like: pushing and pushing "you can do better, grow up, do more, Get that car, get that job, get that partner, get those kids, get that house, Eventually you're gonna push me off the edge of the cliff

 

[rokonie]

I feel like this a lot OP.
"Find a job that you love" depression since i was a pre-teen has sucked all passion i have for anything out. There are things i like learning about, but nothing ignites that passion that makes me strive higher, to beat out the competition (because everyone has a bachelor's nowadays,, you need more. And to achieve more you need ambition.)
And there's not even a guarantee that what you're into is in a lucrative field! Art is getting taken over by AI. I have a bio degree but i dont want to chase grants all day and write papers on fruit flies. Most jobs you need an insane amount of luck and lots of networking power. I have extreme social anxiety and it's a constant mental effort to emote and make my brain function the way normal brains do. Some people are fortunate to find a career that doesn't suck the soul out of them, but most people just end up having to find whatever pays the bills. I don't know if i can stand that.

 

[Defenestration]

Je n'ai jamais réussi la probation dans aucun emploi et j'ai été le plus déprimé lorsque je travaille, j'ai réalisé que la vie d'adulte n'est pas pour moi. Ce n'est pas pour cela que je me suis inscrit. Je ne veux pas passer 8 heures dans un bureau déprimant pour le reste de ma vie. Quand j'étais plus jeune, j'avais le temps de profiter de la vie, l'école était courte et il n'y avait aucune responsabilité. C'était PRESQUE insupportable à ce moment-là, mais je pouvais trouver un moyen de continuer.

Chaque fois que j'exprime cela à des gens qu'ils me traitent de paresseux, ils me disent "bienvenue dans le monde réel", ils me disent "grandis". Bien. Vous gagnez. Tu as raison. Je suis peut-être toutes ces choses, mais je n'ai pas à choisir de jouer.

J'envisage de commander SN qui devrait me tuer, j'espère qu'en postant je verrai peut-être une alternative à quelque chose mais j'en doute fortement.
C'était amusant, mais il est temps pour moi de partir.

Pareil le travail était insupportable et archi méga anxiogène...mais depuis 3 ans je ne travaille plus ( grâce allocation adulte handicapee)et toujours dépressif...je me suis habitué au "non travail" et toujours dépressif.

 

[drearysunrise]

I feel like this a lot OP.
"Find a job that you love" depression since i was a pre-teen has sucked all passion i have for anything out. There are things i like learning about, but nothing ignites that passion that makes me strive higher, to beat out the competition (because everyone has a bachelor's nowadays,, you need more. And to achieve more you need ambition.)
And there's not even a guarantee that what you're into is in a lucrative field! Art is getting taken over by AI. I have a bio degree but i dont want to chase grants all day and write papers on fruit flies. Most jobs you need an insane amount of luck and lots of networking power. I have extreme social anxiety and it's a constant mental effort to emote and make my brain function the way normal brains do. Some people are fortunate to find a career that doesn't suck the soul out of them, but most people just end up having to find whatever pays the bills. I don't know if i can stand that.

You captured exactly what's been on my mind here. The process of getting a job itself is such a heavy mental burden with anxiety, especially when fields are as competitive as they are. I loathe that "find a job you love" phrase because even if depression hadn't sucked away my interest in everything like you mentioned, there just aren't enough jobs in the world for everyone to be able to find something they love to do. Society needs people to staff offices and factories and retail chains. And even "fun" jobs in interesting fields tend to be full of tedium.

I really feel OP here. For me, life just isn't worth living when I'm under the constant stress of work, only clinging on to weekends that I can't even enjoy because I'm too burnt out. I just can't go back to that. I don't understand how other people can be content with it.

 

[LaughingGoat]

This is an example of the beauty of everyone's right to die. Even though I've found my work meaningful, I respect that you may not feel that way about any career and think that's a "fair" reason to choose to die. I think people's reaction when you've expressed that to them is natural and fair in it's own right, as work is a part of nature, so it's not something I think you should resent (not implying you do).

You understand so well, we are all fucking wagies put on this earth for no reason other than to be a cog in a machine.

I've looked and I've tried. I've tried retail, software engineering, being a waiter, IT support, and software engineering, it's all soul sucking.

These are all corporate jobs that exist purely for profit in most cases, so you are 100% correct that they feel soul-sucking. I think the mistake is not experiencing things that actually have a purpose besides making your boss money. Working to help people, animals, nature; there's a ton of things I've done and people I've known in various careers in those realms who find far more meaning in their work than people I know making six figures. Focusing on work that makes money is enough for some and that's fine if that fulfills them, but what you're describing to me sounds like you don't fit into that.