Venting I'm going fucking insane

[heirofvoid]

Today I'm thinking about getting a job but when I finally open my laptop I'm met with all of my fears of being an adult.

"Oh fuck I only did one year of college and everything here needs 2 yrs at least so they won't accept me"

"My resume is shit and I don't really have any skills and I've never had any job experience. I only put I'm good at conversational English at least but that won't cut it."

"Okay, let's say someone calls for an interview. What the fuck do I say? What if I just stop thinking and look like an idiot?"

"My last interview last year didn't go well because they literally texted me that I wasn't chosen."

"Okay, let's say you magically passed the interview. How the fuck will you get the documents needed when you get so scared entering anything that resembles an office? I have no idea what's going on outside so how will I also commute? I'll look like an idiot!"

AND MORE!!! JUST CANT FUCKING WRITE THEM ALL DOWN.

So I close the laptop. Head to bed and open my phone to look up CTB methods.

"Now what if this doesn't even work? What if I end up worse because I couldn't follow simple instructions?"

IT'S JUST A NEVER ENDING CYCLE OF "ok get a job" and "nevermind i'll ctb" I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE.

There is no one to ask for help and who the fuck will help me anyway? I've cut off everyone except my family but I'll never seek help from them because the last time I did it didn't go well. I feel so fucking trapped. I'm always on my bed just rotting every single day. I am so tired but I do not know how to live nor die. I am so tired. I am so tired.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering. It sounds really stressful what you are going through. I know that it can be hard to carry on when you are tired of everything. I am also so tired, I just want to fall asleep and never wake. I wish you the best.

 

[Ada]

My advice is that you start thinking about this in a different way. Employers don't talk to each other and exchange information about applicants. First try applying for the jobs that you don't want the most and see where that brings you. If you get an interview it is perfectly acceptable to ask what they thought about your application, then maybe you will get some useful feedback as well. You don't have to take the job if you don't want it. Think of it as practice: You are applying for jobs to practice job applications and get experience with job interviews. After you have been through enough interviews, you will feel much more confident.

College is just an indication of the ability to learn new skills and knowledge, and not important in on itself. Remember that even people with master degrees switch fields during their careers. Being as young as it sounds like you are, employers may be concerned that after they invest in your training, you will change plans and move on to something else.

 

[umpa]

You can try to get a job requiring no skills but a little bit physical activity like janitor/cleaner which will help you to finally start getting out of bed. Moving helps mental health. May be difficult in the beginning. If you're you're too sick psychiatrist may help