I'm going back temporarily to China soon, I wonder if I can become a buddhist monk and obtain the mental fortitude to starve myself to death there

[TakeMeToHeaven]

as a part of an "enlightenment" program or something

In a recent psychotic episode, I destroyed another expensive gaming laptop of mine, it keeps happening whenever I get a psychotic episode I wonder why this pattern keeps popping up. I've counted and it's probably the fourth or fifth time it's not even funny, I don't have the money for this as I'm a NEET dependent on his parents. Now I'm stuck with a shitty laptop more than tens years old that I can only use to watch anime. Life is suffering. Not knowing when my own brain will fuck me over is suffering. It's scary being afraid of my own unpredictability. I lose control over myself whenever I'm in a psychotic episode.

China should offer euthanasia programs for their mentally disabled people. At least, America won't do it because they want to maximize tax gains.

Now that I think about it, aren't buddhist temples just a dumping ground for mentally ill people? Sometimes, monks are sent to self-immolate themselves as a "sacrifice", when it's just an excuse to kill their outcasts of society. China is already doing euthanasia programs, but in a roundabout way.

And when buddhists starve themselves to death for "enlightenment"? Basically a suicide cult. In this aspect, China is way more progressive than America.

 

[nir]

are you on anti-psychotics or anything? or are your parents and you wanting to go a more holistic route and that's why you're going to China?

 

[Poltergeist]

aren't buddhist temples just a dumping ground for mentally ill people

Sadly it's not that in many places I don't think, they require quite a lot of mental stability to maintain the routine and practice. Some can be very demanding. I am not familiar with China specifically but I don't think they'd be what you're describing. Not to say it's not worth trying for a serious change of environment with a structure.