Help I'm extremely toxic & I need to cut off all my friends how.

[Ayloy]

Please please help me

I'm an awful friend because I can't socialize. I'm mean, obnoxious, hard to understand, I speak too fast, I don't listen unless someone proves something (not useful in things that don't have objective truth or are not provable like texts & being vague)

I don't deserve to be alive if all I do is make people feel worse

My value is other people & I have none in that aspect. I've tried so many times to improve, but I keep falling back into the same patterns. The only reason I have friends is because of common interests, but I'm not even good at that

I care, but clearly not enough. I can't die because people think they like me

So people are just in a constant cycle of me screwing, not improving, people pleasing to make people happy, that "patches" friendships, but then I screw up again in the same or worse ways. I simply just make people feel worse. I just make mistake after mistake making things so much fucking worse.

 

[Sweet Tart]

I'm an awful friend because I can't socialize. I'm mean, obnoxious, hard to understand, I speak too fast, I don't listen unless someone proves something (not useful in things that don't have objective truth or are not provable like texts & being vague)

I don't deserve to be alive if all I do is make people feel worse

Is anyone else saying this or confirming it in any way? Asking because it seems like you are judging yourself pretty hard. You mention a lot of negative qualities you see in yourself but haven't said any ways you have caused harm to another person.

Being in a bad space and not able to be good at socializing is part of depression, I don't see it as a sign you are a bad friend.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

It seems to me that if you were really that bad of a friend, your friends would have already dropped you. If you're just trying to cut off your friends to make it easier on them because you're going to CTB, well, there are a myriad of ways to do that.

 

[bedhead_baby]

Trouble communicating does NOT make you a bad friend. If they haven't expressed these feelings to you directly and are still sticking around, I would say you need to take a breath and maybe just talk to them about this.

My brother is my best friend, and he is so stereotypically autistic. Not understanding when I have emotional conversations, randomly starting to talk about a special interest when we were having a totally different conversation, and sometimes just not saying anything while I basically talk at him instead of to him. And it's fine. I love talking to him.

I completely understand feeling like you were so awkward that you've ruined your friendship, but I would just ask them if there's something that bothers them that you could work on, and vice versa. Everyone communicates differently. I would venture to guess a lot of this is just self-doubt. You deserve friends!