Venting I'm excited to die

[KillingPain267]

I am fascinated by seeing how people die, and what the body does during the process. But more fascinating are near-death-experiences. I believe these experiences are just made by the brain but nonetheless they are fascinating. I'm excited to experience it myself but then experience what happens in a FULL-death-experience, right before it's lights out completely. I want to study the death process while experiencing it like a scientist doing self-experiments. It will be one last quest for scientific and philosophical knowledge which is my hobby. Whether or not I ctb, I will eventually experience death anyway, and I'm both scared but excited.