Venting I'm even bad at this

[RacShade]

It's hysterical how life is sometimes. I'm laying down and reflecting on how many people in my life have admonished me for being oblivious or not fully aware of my surroundings. I was told i'm inobservent, inattentive among other things. But here I am laying on my bed staring at a bag of white powder that lays on my stomach, i turn the bag over and over thinking about it's contents. I think about being back where I am again. Being here again. Beinv alone. Missing my loved ones. Missing my found family.

I don't know if I truly want to die but I think about it nearly every day. Alot more in times like this. I sigh and turn the bag over.

Sodium Nitrate.

Oh.

Maybe everybody was right all along. I'm literally too stupid to die.

 

[Someone123]

It's hysterical how life is sometimes. I'm laying down and reflecting on how many people in my life have admonished me for being oblivious or not fully aware of my surroundings. I was told i'm inobservent, inattentive among other things. But here I am laying on my bed staring at a bag of white powder that lays on my stomach, i turn the bag over and over thinking about it's contents. I think about being back where I am again. Being here again. Beinv alone. Missing my loved ones. Missing my found family.

I don't know if I truly want to die but I think about it nearly every day. Alot more in times like this. I sigh and turn the bag over.

Sodium Nitrate.

Oh.

Maybe everybody was right all along. I'm literally too stupid to die.

You're not the only one- it's as easy mistake to make- I did the exact same thing- I got sodium nitrate first and then sodium nitrite- I'm sure many other people here have as well, it's an easy mistake to make.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Tons of people have made this mistake..

 

[theboy]

I understand you very well
People have so many thoughts that drown us out

 

[thebunny]

it's okay to make mistakes — we all do, anyway. i'm sorry to hear that you got the wrong chemical. sodium nitrate and nitrite are easily confused with one another. based from this experience, i hope you'll get by the second time around. i wish you the best of luck!

 

[locked*n*loaded]

It's not as big a deal as you're making it out to be. At least you discovered the error before trying it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do agree with those who said that it's an easy mistake to make, but it must had been frustrating realising that you bought the wrong one. Planning suicide can be so unnecessarily difficult and complicated when we are already suffering, it's easy to get things wrong when trying to research methods but at least the mistake didn't lead to a failed attempt.
But life can certainly be tiring especially as there is no real relief from ourselves and our thoughts. I wish you the best.