Venting im dont even feel real anymore

[sillyprincessmeow]

lately things havent been going good and i am very exhausted. i dont know what to do anymore. i dont have anything or anyone. im still with my piece of shit boyfriend. hes still fucking selfish bastard that only cares about himself. im tired of this relationship. im tired of my life honestly. i have no friends and my only one is in rehab. without her im so lost. i miss her more than anything. ive been crying every day and no one cares. no one cares to check up on me. everyone always says theyre there for me but they never talk to me or try and be there. they dont talk to me in person and they dont pay me any mind. its like im a ghost. i dont feel real and its really messing with my head. i mean it when i say i wanna die. i cant even process my existence or time anymore. my birthday is in a week and im not excited. i just wanna fucking die. eveythinh in my life is going wrong and i have no reason to keep on going. i dont even know who i am anymoe. i dont recognize myself in the mirror. im putting on such a facade when im with other people. i think im crazy. i dont think i can be helped or saved, especinally not since nobody even loves me. i wish i had access to something that would kill my quickly and painlessly. theres nothing i want more than to die. not even getting high is helping, i wish i had friends. i wish i had someone. i wish that my boyfriend would change. i wish my life would get better. i wish i was good enough. i wish i was cared about. i see no reason to keep on living. the guilt of killing myself will only stop me for so long. honestly i can feel it diminishing each day. i hope i find a way out soon. i already feel dead.

 

[unnormal9]

Dead or Alive?

 

[CentreMid]

lately things havent been going good and i am very exhausted. i dont know what to do anymore. i dont have anything or anyone. im still with my piece of shit boyfriend. hes still fucking selfish bastard that only cares about himself. im tired of this relationship. im tired of my life honestly. i have no friends and my only one is in rehab. without her im so lost. i miss her more than anything. ive been crying every day and no one cares. no one cares to check up on me. everyone always says theyre there for me but they never talk to me or try and be there. they dont talk to me in person and they dont pay me any mind. its like im a ghost. i dont feel real and its really messing with my head. i mean it when i say i wanna die. i cant even process my existence or time anymore. my birthday is in a week and im not excited. i just wanna fucking die. eveythinh in my life is going wrong and i have no reason to keep on going. i dont even know who i am anymoe. i dont recognize myself in the mirror. im putting on such a facade when im with other people. i think im crazy. i dont think i can be helped or saved, especinally not since nobody even loves me. i wish i had access to something that would kill my quickly and painlessly. theres nothing i want more than to die. not even getting high is helping, i wish i had friends. i wish i had someone. i wish that my boyfriend would change. i wish my life would get better. i wish i was good enough. i wish i was cared about. i see no reason to keep on living. the guilt of killing myself will only stop me for so long. honestly i can feel it diminishing each day. i hope i find a way out soon. i already feel dead.

I'm very sorry you're in this situation. It really is upsetting to be and feel so alone, and the need to feel wanted and loved is absolutely soul-crushing when there is nobody there. Goodness knows I can relate!

I know there are situations that may make it difficult, and please forgive me if that is your case, but is there any way you would be able to part ways with your partner?

Regarding methods, do you have any idea as to what you might do? If you're unsure, myself and many others would be happy to help you figure out what you think would be best for you.

Anywho, best of luck in whatever you choose. I hope you can find peace soon. (Sending you a virtual hug if you're okay with it?)

 

[unnormal9]

Virtual hug = virtual virus.

 

[BrightAndDark]

lately things havent been going good and i am very exhausted. i dont know what to do anymore. i dont have anything or anyone. im still with my piece of shit boyfriend. hes still fucking selfish bastard that only cares about himself. im tired of this relationship. im tired of my life honestly. i have no friends and my only one is in rehab. without her im so lost. i miss her more than anything. ive been crying every day and no one cares. no one cares to check up on me. everyone always says theyre there for me but they never talk to me or try and be there. they dont talk to me in person and they dont pay me any mind. its like im a ghost. i dont feel real and its really messing with my head. i mean it when i say i wanna die. i cant even process my existence or time anymore. my birthday is in a week and im not excited. i just wanna fucking die. eveythinh in my life is going wrong and i have no reason to keep on going. i dont even know who i am anymoe. i dont recognize myself in the mirror. im putting on such a facade when im with other people. i think im crazy. i dont think i can be helped or saved, especinally not since nobody even loves me. i wish i had access to something that would kill my quickly and painlessly. theres nothing i want more than to die. not even getting high is helping, i wish i had friends. i wish i had someone. i wish that my boyfriend would change. i wish my life would get better. i wish i was good enough. i wish i was cared about. i see no reason to keep on living. the guilt of killing myself will only stop me for so long. honestly i can feel it diminishing each day. i hope i find a way out soon. i already feel dead.

Try volunteer work, like visiting old people in nursing homes, or at an animal shelter. Even when I'm feeling like I want to leave life and I'm crying, volunteering perks me up. It gives me a break from the negative thoughts. For the rest of the day, I feel less distressed.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really does sound so awful and tiring what you go through, it's certainly horrible to me how we are denied access to peaceful and reliable ways to free ourselves from existence, it's such a cruel world where humans are expected to just suffer endlessly and it's very much understandable just wanting to be gone. I wish you the best.

 

[sillyprincessmeow]

I'm very sorry you're in this situation. It really is upsetting to be and feel so alone, and the need to feel wanted and loved is absolutely soul-crushing when there is nobody there. Goodness knows I can relate!

I know there are situations that may make it difficult, and please forgive me if that is your case, but is there any way you would be able to part ways with your partner?

Regarding methods, do you have any idea as to what you might do? If you're unsure, myself and many others would be happy to help you figure out what you think would be best for you.

Anywho, best of luck in whatever you choose. I hope you can find peace soon. (Sending you a virtual hug if you're okay with it?)

i dont know if i can leave him, i found out some shit yesterday though so i might leave him, honestly id rather end my life though. way too tired to even think about living anymore

Try volunteer work, like visiting old people in nursing homes, or at an animal shelter. Even when I'm feeling like I want to leave life and I'm crying, volunteering perks me up. It gives me a break from the negative thoughts. For the rest of the day, I feel less distressed.

thank you for the suggestion, im glad works for you! i just dont know if it would work for me.. i dont think i will ever feel better and i dont even wanna try anymore, however thank you again!

 

[Ambivalent1]

Me too. We're transcending this plane and moving to the Rainbow bridge.

 

[gotomrg]

i'm sorry you feel like it. unfortunately there's nothing left to say. it's too relatable and feels too helpless. stay strong