c1gm0mmy
puppdoesbiiteX3
- Jun 11, 2023
- 4
(TW// rant, technically a bpd spiral in a rant lmaoo. tw is here just in case ♡ peace n love)
im honestly giving up on everything. my relationship. my friendships. myself. its getting hard to take my meds again and ive been using substances to cope. my boyfriend has been avoiding me hardcore since i left his house after living there a month, he barely even talks to me which isnt normal from when i leave his house. he promised we'd be ok, but now he wants space. i havent self harmed in so long and i did because of this situation. ive never dated someone in real life, its always been online relationships, so this is so much scarier for me. i try my best to give him space but 10hrs go by like that and not even ONE message. (even if i only send "goodmorning, hun") hes never been this distant, and normally, in any relationship, 2-3 months is where my mental illness starts showing up bad. he says im different and not as bad as his ex, but my disorder still gets in the way of our relationship, the constant need for reassurance sure isnt helping his anxiety. it just really hurts to see myself loosing him when im so fucking happy with him. i see a future with him, i dont want it to end yet. hes getting worse and worse with the distance, and all ive asked was for a simple check in one and awhile.. im feeling very close to just ending it to make him happier. i feel as if i wasnt here it would fix things. i dont want to be here. hes not here.
im honestly giving up on everything. my relationship. my friendships. myself. its getting hard to take my meds again and ive been using substances to cope. my boyfriend has been avoiding me hardcore since i left his house after living there a month, he barely even talks to me which isnt normal from when i leave his house. he promised we'd be ok, but now he wants space. i havent self harmed in so long and i did because of this situation. ive never dated someone in real life, its always been online relationships, so this is so much scarier for me. i try my best to give him space but 10hrs go by like that and not even ONE message. (even if i only send "goodmorning, hun") hes never been this distant, and normally, in any relationship, 2-3 months is where my mental illness starts showing up bad. he says im different and not as bad as his ex, but my disorder still gets in the way of our relationship, the constant need for reassurance sure isnt helping his anxiety. it just really hurts to see myself loosing him when im so fucking happy with him. i see a future with him, i dont want it to end yet. hes getting worse and worse with the distance, and all ive asked was for a simple check in one and awhile.. im feeling very close to just ending it to make him happier. i feel as if i wasnt here it would fix things. i dont want to be here. hes not here.
