Venting I’m dead anyway

[walkingdead2023]

Today was very difficult for me. I got up in the morning with headaches and irregular emotions so I cried most of my morning. I don't want to live anymore I'm not happy will never be. I don't sleep good, I eat unhealthy food, I have " death wish" 24/7.. what I'm I suppose to do?? I tried shooting myself but I couldn't I guess because I don't know how to shoot and my phone was non stop ringing so i failed. I can't find N or SN. Maybe I should try jumping from a high building or drive into the river like everyone is doing these days! Every day is another miserable day for me. I just want to leave life ASAP

 

[thewalkingdread]

Yeah... Waking up day by day in this Nightmarish, nonsensical, life feels just like torture.

I could easily have CTBed sometime ago... I have all that I need to leave this place for good... And yet I've been procrastinating it for weeks.

I'm certain I don't want to keep living.... But I also kinda don't really want to die. It's like being between a rock and a hard place. I just keep wishing that I was never born in the first place...

 

[walkingdead2023]

Yeah... Waking up day by day in this Nightmarish, nonsensical, life feels just like torture.

I could easily have CTBed sometime ago... I have all that I need to leave this place for good... And yet I've been procrastinating it for weeks.

I'm certain I don't want to keep living.... But I also kinda don't really want to die. It's like being between a rock and a hard place. I just keep wishing that I was never born in the first place...

It's hard to live feeling that way! In my case, I want to die but I lack resources to plan my death.. I have 0 interest in this life

 

[thewalkingdread]

I have 0 interest in this life

I also don't want to keep living...

I know It sounds like a contradiction but not wanting to die doesn't mean i want to live.... It's a hard thing to explain...

 

[walkingdead2023]

I also don't want to keep living...

I know It sounds like a contradiction but not wanting to die doesn't mean i want to live.... It's a hard thing to explain...

You don't have to explain it I think I do understand your point!

I don't think we choose how we feel it's something we deal and live with. Having the thoughts to die is very strange feeling, you get up in the morning not willing to put any effort towards life it's like "we already know our destination why bother"

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it beyond cruel and hellish how we cannot just all have the option to easily die in a peaceful way like Nembutal, it'd prevent so much unnecessary suffering. But anyway it must be really dreadful what you are going through, I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.

 

[walkingdead2023]

I find it beyond cruel and hellish how we cannot just all have the option to easily die in a peaceful way like Nembutal, it'd prevent so much unnecessary suffering. But anyway it must be really dreadful what you are going through, I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.

Thank you! I'm searching resources all day long online hopefully I find my plan soon