i have a shotgun and rifle . but idk i guess si and massive brainwashing of me and i fear exploding my own head.
aiming a gun at your own head and exploding it is very difficult . i think it takes a lot of courage. even worse putting in your mouth. shooting a gun is like a bomb exploding in your hands not like it is in the movies.
the main thing stopping me is i fear flinching and remaining alive with brain damage and or disfigured. i think it's a low probability of failing but it's scary as shit.
i don't fear Death just fear pain and can't fail and remain alive with more damage
but i wish i could do it . i need to die more than anyone . i really want to die but i fear failing and remaining alive with brain damage or more damage. i need to work on defeating "si" and brainwashing and get the courage and do it
i thought of that . but people would hear the shot and might be able to get me to the ER hospital if the shot doesn't instantly kill me . so the hanging and the SN would be useless because they would stop the hanging and leave me with brain damage if the gunshot doesn't kill me . so it's basically a very rushed and complicated gun shot method. people that haven't shot guns don't know how loud it is . that's why they wear ear protection.
Estimated Audibility Distances
- .30-06 Rifle (approx. 158–163 dB): 1–2 miles.
- 12-Gauge Slug (approx. 150–156 dB): 1–2 miles.
- .357 Magnum Handgun (approx. 164 dB): 1–2 miles.
it's very difficult and very expensive for me to find an isolated spot 1 mile away from any human as i'm very disabled . idk if SN and shooting would work if i somehow manage to find and get to an isolated area . idk if i'll be able to have time to aim and get myself to work up to shooting myself after drinking SN . idk if it would cause instant nauseu for example . it would be different it were just the gun shot . 2 methods complicates things terribly and i've just put some of the problems i thought of. with just the gun i can take my time and aim and shoot when or if i can get myself to pull the trigger. if i drink sn in some unknown outdoor location i would be more rushed and idk if drinking Sn would make me instantly nauseua or instant vomit for example .