Venting I'm constantly in the state of anxiety. I think I'm losing my mind.

[notevenhere]

I'm anxious when I can get SN. I need to die as soon as I can because the man I love dearly has left me and he's just as suicidal and I swear to god, if he dies first before I do, the pain will be unbearable, I might actually lose my mind and kill myself in the worst way possible and fail because that's what impulsive attempts do to me.

Fuck, I'm sorry for venting. I just don't know what to do.

 

[KillingPain267]

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. My wife left me some months ago and I totally understand this pain.

At first I started drinking and taking opioid pills to numb the anxiety and pain, but my budget ran out, I got sick and had to stop once my family, who helped me move apartment, found a vodka bottle, lol. I also bought SN though. Unfortunately I had to throw it because my family was asking about it when they helped me move. I told them it was just old expired flavor enhancer, lol. But I'm sort of glad I didn't get to impulsively drink it because I never tested whether it was pure SN. It might have ended badly.

Currently what keeps me going is that my wife still wants to meet up with me soon, snd reading posts in this site and researching ctb methods. But otherwise I also see no future or purpose for my life, since I will be back to the loneliness of my teen years and early twenties before I met her, and I dread that. Meeting a new woman is also out of the question, I only ever loved my wife and only want to love her.

 

[Unknown21]

I'm anxious when I can get SN. I need to die as soon as I can because the man I love dearly has left me and he's just as suicidal and I swear to god, if he dies first before I do, the pain will be unbearable, I might actually lose my mind and kill myself in the worst way possible and fail because that's what impulsive attempts do to me.

Fuck, I'm sorry for venting. I just don't know what to do.

I know this state of extreme anxiety due to the lack of a peaceful method, the feeling that you are trapped and cannot escape. I hope you find a source for SN soon. I wish you luck.

 

[KillingPain267]

I know this state of extreme anxiety due to the lack of a peaceful method, the feeling that you are trapped and cannot escape. I hope you find a source for SN soon. I wish you luck.

Yeah, I have that too. To the point that sometimes I don't even want to further research a method in the fear that the method is out of the question despite being easily attainable for me. It will totally ruin the day, yea the week, when I get discouraged with a specific method.

 

[notevenhere]

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. My wife left me some months ago and I totally understand this pain.

At first I started drinking and taking opioid pills to numb the anxiety and pain, but my budget ran out, I got sick and had to stop once my family, who helped me move apartment, found a vodka bottle, lol. I also bought SN though. Unfortunately I had to throw it because my family was asking about it when they helped me move. I told them it was just old expired flavor enhancer, lol. But I'm sort of glad I didn't get to impulsively drink it because I never tested whether it was pure SN. It might have ended badly.

Currently what keeps me going is that my wife still wants to meet up with me soon, snd reading posts in this site and researching ctb methods. But otherwise I also see no future or purpose for my life, since I will be back to the loneliness of my teen years and early twenties before I met her, and I dread that. Meeting a new woman is also out of the question, I only ever loved my wife and only want to love her.

God, I never related to anything more. When a relationship ends, I tend to go to video games or alcohol or even drugs. I even try to flirt with as many people online and make meaningless connections. This time, it's so different. I don't need friends, I just need him. And even now that he doesn't want me around, I'm still not making any effort to meet new people. It's like, I've reached a point where if it's not him, I'd rather die. It hurts so much.

It's like there's only loneliness ahead, I understand. The only thing distracting me from this impending doom is reading through this forum and researching where to get SN. I feel like it's the only thing that matters, now.

Hope everything goes well for your CTB journey.

 

[KillingPain267]

God, I never related to anything more. When a relationship ends, I tend to go to video games or alcohol or even drugs. I even try to flirt with as many people online and make meaningless connections. This time, it's so different. I don't need friends, I just need him. And even now that he doesn't want me around, I'm still not making any effort to meet new people. It's like, I've reached a point where if it's not him, I'd rather die. It hurts so much.

It's like there's only loneliness ahead, I understand. The only thing distracting me from this impending doom is reading through this forum and researching where to get SN. I feel like it's the only thing that matters, now.

Hope everything goes well for your CTB journey.

Oh shit yes, I forgot to mention I did that too... going on Tinder and chatting with lots of girls. But it was so meaningless and eventually I felt sorry for wasting their time and deleted the app.

My last hope currently is talk therapy but I don't have much trust in it tbh, but I'll see in about a month.