Venting I’m being taunted

[Proxycake]

Every aspect of my life is fucking taunting me. I'm a good Catholic boy. I go to church, I pray to the Lord, I avert myself from sin, albeit no matter what I do, I suffer. The one I love does not talk to me all day and the only connection I receive from him after waiting like a dog is voice messages from the man he's with. He doesn't even love me — I'm convenient for him. I'm such a joke. I'm taking a ton of melatonin so I can just get to sleep and not think about him, or my life, or any of this. If I don't fall asleep I don't know what I'm going to do. I've put so much effort into caring for him and so far I have not received anything besides pain.

 

[Kornous]

You are not interesting to him. Do not feed his pride. People are loved not for their skills and care for someone, but for the fact that they simply exist. If you have to make an effort alone, then this is already the wrong path.
But I understand your suffering. Once I also fell in love with a drug addict, and my soul was torn every day - even after she blocked me because I did not send her money for drugs.
In such cases, logic will not help you. Personally, that day, after I stroked this eternally sleeping cat, I went for a walk in the deep forest, right along the river. I decided to take off everything that was on me - and so I wandered naked, like a primitive man. At some point I thought: I have to run. And I ran - through a swamp, stones, bushes. Just ran. Surely, if someone had met me there, I would not have made the same effect on them as Forrest Gump. In the end, when I was exhausted, I realized that I had run to this beautiful place (picture 2). That's where I stopped. I took a bath and went home. At home, my father and I started making cutlets - here they are. At that moment, I was so tired that I thought more about food than about that girl. So the only advice I can give you is that you can try to do some strenuous physical exercise now. If you do nothing, there is literally a chance of getting a heart attack. You need to put your energy somewhere - and definitely not into your bursting heart.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

What's the point of wasting your time caring for him if it isn't being reciprocated? Especially when there are probably others out there who would actually appreciate having someone care about them. It's better to just direct your love towards those who actually love you and care for you rather than waste it on someone who doesn't give a shit. I'd say fuck it and try to move on. You deserve better than this crap.

Also, the universe doesn't care about whether or not you sin or follow a particular path. To be honest, there is no actual path to begin with. The world is a place of chaos and how good or bad your life is, at least in part, comes down to pure chance. It doesn't matter how hard you try to act in line with whichever religious doctrine you follow, because you won't always be rewarded for it. There are people who spend their entire lives living in strict accordance with their faith, only to die having lived miserable lives. I'm not saying this to bring you down or anything. The opposite is also true. Some people start out miserable but find that their life improves over time. For most people, life is just a series of various high and low points. The point that I'm trying to make is that there isn't anything wrong with you. Life isn't out to taunt you, rather it is completely indifferent to you. This isn't something that can be chalked up to just you doing something wrong and needing to do a better job as someone who is Catholic. Life can be shit in many aspects and sometimes there just isn't anything you can do about it.

 

[Mirrory Me]

At these times we tend to think that we should be more giving and caring for others, but if you rather care about your own values and how to manage your energy and resources, you won't find yourself at that position when your expectations of others won't go as wished.

 

[Proxycake]

You are not interesting to him. Do not feed his pride. People are loved not for their skills and care for someone, but for the fact that they simply exist. If you have to make an effort alone, then this is already the wrong path.
But I understand your suffering. Once I also fell in love with a drug addict, and my soul was torn every day - even after she blocked me because I did not send her money for drugs.
In such cases, logic will not help you. Personally, that day, after I stroked this eternally sleeping cat, I went for a walk in the deep forest, right along the river. I decided to take off everything that was on me - and so I wandered naked, like a primitive man. At some point I thought: I have to run. And I ran - through a swamp, stones, bushes. Just ran. Surely, if someone had met me there, I would not have made the same effect on them as Forrest Gump. In the end, when I was exhausted, I realized that I had run to this beautiful place (picture 2). That's where I stopped. I took a bath and went home. At home, my father and I started making cutlets - here they are. At that moment, I was so tired that I thought more about food than about that girl. So the only advice I can give you is that you can try to do some strenuous physical exercise now. If you do nothing, there is literally a chance of getting a heart attack. You need to put your energy somewhere - and definitely not into your bursting heart.

What an adorable little cat - I think I understand what you mean. I've begun to wander off, but I dream of being able to do what you do. Thank you for the advice and the photos, you are wonderful.