Help I'm back

[Deleted member 847]

So I left this forum for two weeks, and that's because I really wanted to catch the bus, and I had numerous opportunities to do that, being home alone for days, but despite that I just couldn't do it. I felt ashamed of myself for not being able to keep my word and I decided to not post on the forum ever again to not be insulted or criticized, but seeing that I'm probably going to stay trapped here (earth, physical universe, or just existence itself if this is all there is. I'm kinda losing my faith in new age/gnosticism spirituality, though I want it so bad to be true. A lucid dream like afterlife would be amazing) for months, two years at best, and I have really nothing to do (no social life) I'm taking the risk of being called an attention whore (and you have all the right to accuse me of being one, after my infinite goodbye posts and failed "attempts", when in fact I only had one real attempt and thousands of aborts due to my lack of courage). I would tie the rope to my room wardrobe door (it has a metallic object that connects it to the wardrobe), and I would just stare at it for hours because of this subconscious mechanism that would send impulses to stop me. This feeling of intense fear and anxiety triggered just by the simple thought of knowing that tomorrow in X hours I'll have to die. I can't do it. It's stronger than me. Killing yourself it's not as easy as saying: well I guess I'm going to die now, goodbye guys. It needs time, hard work and strategies apparently. Unless you have a cyanide pill, in that case it's really as easy as pressing a quit button. The older members would remember my first failed attempt, but the truth is back then I didn't want to die either, but I enjoyed the feeling of being asphyxiated and I just played with it thinking I could turn back just to faint instead and goddamn it, it didn't even kill me. It would have been perfect, just dying without even realizing it. And I think that's the only way I'll ever be able to make this happen, because doing it while being conscious is out of of the table. Consciousness is a curse. I considered going to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed with social anxiety disorder so I can get my hands on Benzodiazepines, (I hope he doesn't suggest me therapy instead) which I might use for other purposes hehehe, combined with 40% Alcohol from my vodka. Yeah that would be great, another thing I could do to motivate me would be to sign my death warrant by overdosing on aspirin. Of course I'm not an idiot I know overdoses rarely kill, at best they put you in a hospital. The whole point would be to scare myself that If I don't hang myself, I'll have to deal with unbearable pain in the aftermath. Other advices to overcome survival instinct? Can you for example go to a doctor and fake having insomnia to get a prescription for sleeping pills? Oh by the way it was fun reading your speculations about my death. Yeah don't do that again, I don't like it.

 

[WanderingEremite]

I hope it's not selfish to say I'm glad you're back. I've really enjoyed your contributions to this forum.

 

[Deleted member 847]

I hope it's not selfish to say I'm glad you're back. I've really enjoyed your contributions to this forum.

No, actually I appreciate it.Thanks anyway. I'll write more tutorials when I have time.

 

[deflagrat]

If you feel like you can't ctb with your current method I would advise you to change it. That's what happened to me at first. I was really scared of using helium and felt like it would take a tremendous amount of effort. I changed my method and now everything is easy. Make sure you know what sleep meds you need to take before asking to your doctor.

 

[Deleted member 847]

If you feel like you can't ctb with your current method I would advise you to change it. That's what happened to me at first. I was really scared of using helium and felt like it would take a tremendous amount of effort. I changed my method and now everything is easy. Make sure you know what sleep meds you need to take before asking to your doctor.

What other options do I have, jumping from a building? I need to find a way to make this work, or just wait for natural death like everyone else. I don't have credit cards and the economy in Romania sucks anyway so it would take me years to get the money to buy N. Maybe I'm just not ready yet after all. My school bullies might help me to change my mind.

 

[Ashpac]

So I left this forum for two weeks, and that's because I really wanted to catch the bus, and I had numerous opportunities to do that, being home alone for days, but despite that I just couldn't do it. I felt ashamed of myself for not being able to keep my word and I decided to not post on the forum ever again to not be insulted or criticized, but seeing that I'm probably going to stay trapped here (earth, physical universe, or just existence itself if this is all there is. I'm kinda losing my faith in new age/gnosticism spirituality, though I want it so bad to be true. A lucid dream like afterlife would be amazing) for months, two years at best, and I have really nothing to do (no social life) I'm taking the risk of being called an attention whore (and you have all the right to accuse me of being one, after my infinite goodbye posts and failed "attempts", when in fact I only had one real attempt and thousands of aborts due to my lack of courage). I would tie the rope to my room wardrobe door (it has a metallic object that connects it to the wardrobe), and I would just stare at it for hours because of this subconscious mechanism that would send impulses to stop me. This feeling of intense fear and anxiety triggered just by the simple thought of knowing that tomorrow in X hours I'll have to die. I can't do it. It's stronger than me. Killing yourself it's not as easy as saying: well I guess I'm going to die now, goodbye guys. It needs time, hard work and strategies apparently. Unless you have a cyanide pill, in that case it's really as easy as pressing a quit button. The older members would remember my first failed attempt, but the truth is back then I didn't want to die either, but I enjoyed the feeling of being asphyxiated and I just played with it thinking I could turn back just to faint instead and goddamn it, it didn't even kill me. It would have been perfect, just dying without even realizing it. And I think that's the only way I'll ever be able to make this happen, because doing it while being conscious is out of of the table. Consciousness is a curse. I considered going to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed with social anxiety disorder so I can get my hands on Benzodiazepines, (I hope he doesn't suggest me therapy instead) which I might use for other purposes hehehe, combined with 40% Alcohol from my vodka. Yeah that would be great, another thing I could do to motivate me would be to sign my death warrant by overdosing on aspirin. Of course I'm not an idiot I know overdoses rarely kill, at best they put you in a hospital. The whole point would be to scare myself that If I don't hang myself, I'll have to deal with unbearable pain in the aftermath. Other advices to overcome survival instinct? Can you for example go to a doctor and fake having insomnia to get a prescription for sleeping pills? Oh by the way it was fun reading your speculations about my death. Yeah don't do that again, I don't like it.

We havnt chatted much, but I have seen you alot on here, welcome back. Theres no shame in saying your method failed. My method failed on here as well. Now im only here once my debt is paid off so my mother doesnt have to pay it.

If you ever wanna talk im here for you.

 

[nitz]

You are here for ever...
Try sodium nitrite or fentanyl should be easier

 

[RM5998]

I considered going to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed with social anxiety disorder so I can get my hands on Benzodiazepines, (I hope he doesn't suggest me therapy instead) which I might use for other purposes hehehe, combined with 40% Alcohol from my vodka.

To make this a good method, you need to add a bag over your head. A close acquaintance from college did exactly that, and died in less than 15 minutes. (That's the maximum possible, since the autopsy predicted a time near 2:30 and they quit their last Dota game at 2:15.)

Also, partial suspension makes my head want to explode. I think I can get nylon rope in a couple of months as part of a project I'll be working on, but in the meantime, I'm trying with a full-sleeved t-shirt that I have. All I've managed to do is come close to making my head explode and eyes pop out. Any suggestions?

 

[Deleted member 847]

To make this a good method, you need to add a bag over your head. A close acquaintance from college did exactly that, and died in less than 15 minutes. (That's the maximum possible, since the autopsy predicted a time near 2:30 and they quit their last Dota game at 2:15.)

Also, partial suspension makes my head want to explode. I think I can get nylon rope in a couple of months as part of a project I'll be working on, but in the meantime, I'm trying with a full-sleeved t-shirt that I have. All I've managed to do is come close to making my head explode and eyes pop out. Any suggestions?

So you're saying the pills eliminate the feeling of panic from the suffocation? Because I tried in my newbie days to suffocate on co2 alone but of course it didn't work, because of the impulses of the central nervous system. Wouldn't hanging + bag + drugs and alcohol be even better though?

 

[Mayfil]

good to see you again! there is always next time after all we have as many chances as we need till we get it right. or end up crippled whichever comes first

 

[weedoge]

So I left this forum for two weeks, and that's because I really wanted to catch the bus, and I had numerous opportunities to do that, being home alone for days, but despite that I just couldn't do it. I felt ashamed of myself for not being able to keep my word and I decided to not post on the forum ever again to not be insulted or criticized, but seeing that I'm probably going to stay trapped here (earth, physical universe, or just existence itself if this is all there is. I'm kinda losing my faith in new age/gnosticism spirituality, though I want it so bad to be true. A lucid dream like afterlife would be amazing) for months, two years at best, and I have really nothing to do (no social life) I'm taking the risk of being called an attention whore (and you have all the right to accuse me of being one, after my infinite goodbye posts and failed "attempts", when in fact I only had one real attempt and thousands of aborts due to my lack of courage). I would tie the rope to my room wardrobe door (it has a metallic object that connects it to the wardrobe), and I would just stare at it for hours because of this subconscious mechanism that would send impulses to stop me. This feeling of intense fear and anxiety triggered just by the simple thought of knowing that tomorrow in X hours I'll have to die. I can't do it. It's stronger than me. Killing yourself it's not as easy as saying: well I guess I'm going to die now, goodbye guys. It needs time, hard work and strategies apparently. Unless you have a cyanide pill, in that case it's really as easy as pressing a quit button. The older members would remember my first failed attempt, but the truth is back then I didn't want to die either, but I enjoyed the feeling of being asphyxiated and I just played with it thinking I could turn back just to faint instead and goddamn it, it didn't even kill me. It would have been perfect, just dying without even realizing it. And I think that's the only way I'll ever be able to make this happen, because doing it while being conscious is out of of the table. Consciousness is a curse. I considered going to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed with social anxiety disorder so I can get my hands on Benzodiazepines, (I hope he doesn't suggest me therapy instead) which I might use for other purposes hehehe, combined with 40% Alcohol from my vodka. Yeah that would be great, another thing I could do to motivate me would be to sign my death warrant by overdosing on aspirin. Of course I'm not an idiot I know overdoses rarely kill, at best they put you in a hospital. The whole point would be to scare myself that If I don't hang myself, I'll have to deal with unbearable pain in the aftermath. Other advices to overcome survival instinct? Can you for example go to a doctor and fake having insomnia to get a prescription for sleeping pills? Oh by the way it was fun reading your speculations about my death. Yeah don't do that again, I don't like it.

Oooof, I don't think we ever spoke but I'm really sorry about this. Made me feel a little sick because I'm really terrified of the same thing happening to me.

Agree with @deflagrat the only way I've ever come as close as I have to doing it and pushing through SI (clearly not close enough, I know but) is by switching up my method mainly to something that doesn't have a discrete final action. Hard to explain but jumping, shooting, hanging etc etc pretty much have a degree of pain to them or at least fear due to the violent nature of them. For me the easiest way is to emotionally detach myself as much as possible, empty mind, idk it comes a little bit naturally to me and then my method is CO, which allows me to get comfortable and I don't have to do anything to or put anything inside my body. My last attempt using CO was over a year ago and failed because I didn't seal the place up properly, but I was pretty close.

I think the only way if you can't use any other method right now is to just wait until you're in a situation where you can. No matter what method it is you should probably consider all your options and try to create a situation where you make that method possible. At least that's what I'm doing and *fingers crossed*

 

[weedoge]

You are here for ever...
Try sodium nitrite or fentanyl should be easier

I think it takes an unbelievably strong or sad person to go through with hanging or some similar method. More balls than I have.

 

[Deleted member 847]

The truth is I'm not as desperate as many members here are. I'm just bored and tired of living that's all. I don't suffer from terminal cancer or chronic physical pain. My choice for self termination is mostly philosophical. I think the only ones here who are really fit to do it are the ones who are forced to do it.

 

[weedoge]

The truth is I'm not as desperate as many members here are. I'm just bored and tired of living that's all. I don't suffer from terminal cancer or chronic physical pain. My choice for self termination is mostly philosophical. I think the only ones here who are really fit to do it are the ones who are forced to do it.

Oh fair enough then, hope you're feeling well now.

 

[Deleted member 847]

If I can't get my hands on drugs I'll just overdose on fucking aspirin. That fear alone should be enough to motivate me, but in that case I have to be 100% certain that the hanging won't fail or else

 

[RM5998]

So you're saying the pills eliminate the feeling of panic from the suffocation? Because I tried in my newbie days to suffocate on co2 alone but of course it didn't work, because of the impulses of the central nervous system. Wouldn't hanging + bag + drugs and alcohol be even better though?

Somewhat. The idea is that you tie the bag over your head when you're starting to lose consciousness, so that you won't rip it off. But yeah, overkill is probably the way to go. Just don't let anyone pull the cliche to make you end up Not Quite Dead.

 

[weedoge]

If I can't get my hands on drugs I'll just overdose on fucking aspirin. That fear alone should be enough to motivate me, but in that case I have to be 100% certain that the hanging won't fail or else

Please don't do this, you'll kill your liver not knowing for sure whether you can go through with it...

 

[weedoge]

Somewhat. The idea is that you tie the bag over your head when you're starting to lose consciousness, so that you won't rip it off. But yeah, overkill is probably the way to go. Just don't let anyone pull the cliche jinx to make you end up Not Quite Dead.

I think there's still a high chance of your body reacting while unconscious and ripping the bag off somehow. I've heard lots of horror stories where people attempted bag/sedatives with no inert gas.

 

[Deleted member 847]

Please don't do this, you'll kill your liver not knowing for sure whether you can go through with it...

Well it would be a burning alive or jumping from a building kind of scenario

 

[weedoge]

Well it would be a burning alive or jumping from a building kind of scenario

Well it's your choice but I'll never recommend overdosing on aspirin or anything like it.

 

[ShouldIDoIt]

I feel the same way you do. I want to do it but just cant bc i have no balls. Im thinking the best solution is maybe to buy a gun, where all we have to do is pull the trigger

 

[RM5998]

I think there's still a high chance of your body reacting while unconscious and ripping the bag off somehow. I've heard lots of horror stories where people attempted bag/sedatives with no inert gas.

Yeah, that does seem like a possibility. However, I don't think that it's a probability. The sedative dose should be higher than normal, enough to stop precise muscular response, and alcohol might help with that. As long as the bag is tied with a slipknot, can withstand being moved a bit and does not have to deal with sharp objects trying to puncture it, I'd say it has a chance of being highly effective.

Coupled with the experience @NoLifeNoPain has with partial suspension, I'd say that they could use that setup along with the bag and tighten the knot when they feel themselves losing consciousness. If they can find a solid enough support for partial, that is.

 

[WanderingEremite]

The aspirin overdose idea is bad and will most likely result in permanent liver damage and related serious problems. There's hardly any suicide method that's guaranteed to work, so it's inadvisable to multiply the risk of a terrible outcome with something like an aspirin overdose.

At the risk of being presumptuous, I'll say that it seems quite possible that you don't really want to die, or are for some reason not ready to do so. It appears that the best thing for you to do is take a good long while to think over your life and your relevant problems, rather than look into new suicide methods.

 

[Lara Francis]

Welcome back.

 

[Deleted member 847]

The aspirin overdose idea is bad and will most likely result in permanent liver damage and related serious problems. There's hardly any suicide method that's guaranteed to work, so it's inadvisable to multiply the risk of a terrible outcome with something like an aspirin overdose.

At the risk of being presumptuous, I'll say that it seems quite possible that you don't really want to die, or are for some reason not ready to do so. It appears that the best thing for you to do is take a good long while to think over your life and your relevant problems, rather than look into new suicide methods.

Yes I think I'll stay around for some months or years before attempting again. But the ctb thing will remain my goal for the obvious reason that nothing in this world can make me happy anymore.

The aspirin is supposed to push me to hang myself, it isn't meant to kill me.

 

[weedoge]

Yeah, that does seem like a possibility. However, I don't think that it's a probability. The sedative dose should be higher than normal, enough to stop precise muscular response, and alcohol might help with that. As long as the bag is tied with a slipknot, can withstand being moved a bit and does not have to deal with sharp objects trying to puncture it, I'd say it has a chance of being highly effective.

Coupled with the experience @NoLifeNoPain has with partial suspension, I'd say that they could use that setup along with the bag and tighten the knot when they feel themselves losing consciousness. If they can find a solid enough support for partial, that is.

Stepping into territory I don't know much about honestly, I just suggest people do their research, there is probably a reason people tend to go through the effort of obtaining an inert gas.

Yes I think I'll stay around for some months or years before attempting again. But the ctb thing will remain my goal for the obvious reason that nothing in this world can make me happy anymore.

The aspirin is supposed to push me to hang myself, it isn't meant to kill me.

I just don't think putting yourself in that situation is the correct way to mentally force yourself into ending your life. I think if your SI is really that strong then you still won't be able to pull the trigger later but you'll be in hospital possibly waiting for a new liver...

 

[Trashcan]

I feel the same way you do. I want to do it but just cant bc i have no balls. Im thinking the best solution is maybe to buy a gun, where all we have to do is pull the trigger

A gun is probably one of the hardest methods to do since you know if you pull the trigger, you'll either die or change your life forever.

 

[RM5998]

A gun is probably one of the hardest methods to do since you know if you pull the trigger, you'll either die or change your life forever.

Isn't the either/or kinda unnecessary? You'll change your life forever, part of the outcomes might involve you dying.

 

[Trashcan]

Isn't the either/or kinda unnecessary? You'll change your life forever, part of the outcomes might involve you dying.

I put that there because my point is it's a guarantee you'll either die or live with permanent damage.

 

[Morning Angel]

I'm sure you're not stoked exactly to be back and waiting but you were missed. I was definitely thinking of you and wondering if you were ok. I'm glad you're still kicking around until you've got it figured out. :)