Venting I’m at my goddamn limit

[mehdone]

I'm at my goddamn limit.
I want to be done, and I've wanted to be done for decades.

But I fucking can't yet.

I need to make sure loved ones are in places to be okay, even if they don't love me- because I love them, and I want them to be as okay as they can be.

And I refuse to let them be the one to find my body.

But goddamnit, I've been hanging on for so damn long. It's getting harder every single day.

And there's a sick part of me that likes that- because the harder it gets, the easier it will be to finally c the damn b.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring feeling stuck here when you just wish to be gone but anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you eventually find what you search for.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm sorry. 2.5 decades is a long time. I'm at around 11.5 years. I wish could turn off without having to introduce some external pathological process. Frankly guilt has never been a factor for me at all which seems to put me in the minority among people here. But there are tons of other barriers to clear sadly.

 

[Amyend88]

Aww bless you I'm sorry this world is so hard for all of us.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Same.
Clinically depressed since age 7, been fighting for way too long now.
Life feels like I'm running a marathon through thick mud and a 100 pounds of weight on my shoulders.
Zero energy and motivation. Zero interest in anything. Hating every moment of existence.
All I want to do now is be gone forever.
Yet leaving this existence is easier said than done.
If we were given access to peaceful and guaranteed methods, then leaving this world of suffering would be so much easier.