Venting I'm always hungry

[nowhereknow]

I'm not exactly extremely morbidly obese but I'm always hungry. I'm never satisfied either, I can get full enough to where I want to throw up but I'm not satisfied. It's like I hate myself so much I deserve to eat till I chock and die.

I'm like an empty all consuming dark pit of dispare that craves more and more food and is never happy about it. I want to feel whole, I want to be content, I want to be happy.When the thoughts get too much I start wanting to binge on anything I can just so my brain can try to shut up. I don't even know if it feels good to eat either, I eat so fast it's gone before I can taste it.

I've seen my bank add up how much I spend on take out and food, it's like more than half of my income, gone to my never ending gluttony. I don't deserve this food, I'm a waste of fuel, and yet I require more.

My parents always judged me on this, now that there no where near me I've resorted to binging as much as I can afford. If I was rich I'd eat till I ctb, I think that would be my ideal method in a perfect world. And I'm absolutely disgusted by myself because of it.

 

[divinemistress87]

Food is my only depression comfort I get it

 

[fatladysings]

Food is one of the few things in my life that make me happy. I totally get where you are coming from. The antipsychotic I'm on makes me eat like a friggin demon. I can just keep eating and eating and it's like trying to fill a bottomless pit.

Don't be disgusted with yourself - you are in a forum for suicidal people so your life sucks anyway, there's no point in making yourself feel worse just because you love food.

 

[Ironborn]

I think it's a common symptom of depression, you get an endorphin boost when you eat tasty food and when everything else in your life makes you feel like shit your body is trying to raise your mood anyway it can.