Venting I'll either kill myself or relapse into drug use

[KillingPain267]

This life and world is too unbearable for me to be in with a clear mind.

 

[dontwakemeup]

You need something to cope in this life. I don't blame nor judge you. I survive by sleeping my days away and benzo's. I can't imagine living this life without something.

 

[Leiot]

Drug use is a walking death. It feels better for a little while but things become gray and any connection you ever had to living goes away.

 

[Forveleth]

Objectively, I know this is a horrible path to take, but as an aspiring alcoholic myself, I can't judge. I have several coping mechanisms and none of them are even remotely healthy.

 

[BimbleBob]

I only use LSD to cope right now because for a long time I've had an aversion to harder drugs for fear of it doing irreversible damage to my body. I suppose I've been holding out hope things would eventually get better and I didn't want to destroy myself before I reached that point. Now though? I'm debating with myself every day if I should just order some heroin and abuse it until I OD. At least I'd experience some bliss before my inevitable death.

 

[Worndown]

Relapse might kill you.
Is that good or bad?

 

[KillingPain267]

Relapse might kill you.
Is that good or bad?

The relapse will lead to a slow death

I only use LSD to cope right now because for a long time I've had an aversion to harder drugs for fear of it doing irreversible damage to my body. I suppose I've been holding out hope things would eventually get better and I didn't want to destroy myself before I reached that point. Now though? I'm debating with myself every day if I should just order some heroin and abuse it until I OD. At least I'd experience some bliss before my inevitable death.

I wish LSD or psychedelics were the drugs I could relapse on, but they only give me anxiety. Even cannabis. Every time. My drugs of choice are so destructive that a relapse means a slow painful death. That's why I need to kill myself before I relapse. I can feel that being sober and clean ain't gonna last long. So many recovering addicts speak of how good they feel after getting sober and how wondrful it is to be alive, but I don't see the appeal now that I'm forcing myself to be sober and clean for as long as possible.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

as a fellow substance abuser, I relate. fuck being sober.

 

[theolivanderroach]

That's how I've been living this past decade. I hoped the drugs would take me out. Now I have no money and have been sober for a few months. Ctb is the only option left for me.

 

[passedawayinapril]

No one chooses to be born, why do we all deserve this suffering