irregularreconcile
i'm such a coward; these wretched things i do
- Jun 15, 2023
- 65
Haven't posted in a good while.
I got a job, and really tried to take on life for a bit. Tried to ignore the illnesses, and for a moment it almost felt possible. It isn't.
I don't know how to really describe my situation anymore. I used to be able to be so articulate(?) on here. I guess you know it's bad when you can't even verbalize what's killing you from the inside out.
The good news is, I have reached a point where I am no longer scared about the afterlife. Namely, I just have no ability to act as an all-knowing, religious person. Whatever happens, happens. I'm headed there anyways. If it's a void, I'll welcome it. If it's hell, I won't be alone. If it's a whole new life start anew, I'll be glad not to remember this one.
My method will include hanging, OD and some self harm for some added spice. November is the very latest, but I doubt I'll last that long. Earliest will be Tuesday. Optimally, I will pass between March and April.
If I survive, maybe I'll get some time off work, lol. Hoping otherwise, however.
If desired, I'll post my goodbyes when the day finally comes. In the meantime, I feel comfort in knowing I'm more than halfway there.
My love goes out to everyone else.
I got a job, and really tried to take on life for a bit. Tried to ignore the illnesses, and for a moment it almost felt possible. It isn't.
I don't know how to really describe my situation anymore. I used to be able to be so articulate(?) on here. I guess you know it's bad when you can't even verbalize what's killing you from the inside out.
The good news is, I have reached a point where I am no longer scared about the afterlife. Namely, I just have no ability to act as an all-knowing, religious person. Whatever happens, happens. I'm headed there anyways. If it's a void, I'll welcome it. If it's hell, I won't be alone. If it's a whole new life start anew, I'll be glad not to remember this one.
My method will include hanging, OD and some self harm for some added spice. November is the very latest, but I doubt I'll last that long. Earliest will be Tuesday. Optimally, I will pass between March and April.
If I survive, maybe I'll get some time off work, lol. Hoping otherwise, however.
If desired, I'll post my goodbyes when the day finally comes. In the meantime, I feel comfort in knowing I'm more than halfway there.
My love goes out to everyone else.
