Discussion If you’ve lost the person you love

[nomoredolor]

If you've lost the person you love please use this thread to virtually scream, vent, cry, swear, grieve or expostulate. This is a safe space for all the goddamned pain you've been carrying since you lost the person you love

We are all a part of a club no one wants to be in

all together now!: fuuuuuuuuuuuu

 

[Namelesa]

all together now!: fuuuuuuuuuuuu

FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK MY LIFE

I haven't really fully lost him yet but it feels that way with how we rarely ever talk to each other now as his mum hates me and wants him to break contact with me. I feel like it all my fault. If I just dealt with keeping my problems and emotions to myself, this won't have had happened. I feel like if I were to continue life, I am going to have to start from scratch again to find someone else as I knew him for 2 years. I have lost 2 years of him now and I feel more broken than ever.

I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF ME PLEASE. I CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN. I NEED HIM BUT I DON'T REALLY HAVE HIM ANYMORE. I JUST WANT TO CUDDLE WITH HIM AGAIN.

 

[needthebus]

fuUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu


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im mostly fine

at least im also poor and totally fucked and my family doesn't care, so i can at least take comfort in that

 

[BlueButterfly111]

Fuuuuuuuuuu! Lol!

This was a beautiful idea for a thread! It was so sweet of you to make a thread for us. I feel like I've basically said everything that could be said on this website about my grief for the past almost two months at the moment.

I really hope with all my heart that I can be with him again after I pass. He was such a beautiful soul that I miss so much. I was so lucky to be with him, and I can't live without him. My heart yearns and aches for him every day. The guilt, regret, and grief weigh on me everyday. I would give up my entire life, heart, soul, just to be able to hold him again. I talk to him in my head sometimes and I tell him, "hold on Henry I'm gonna be with you again soon, just wait for me a little longer, I'm coming." I feel so lonely, but there's absolutely no one else that I desire to be with except him. I will love him forever! I just want to be dead already!

 

[Salting the wounds]

I miss you so much but so much.
I remember when we lived together, I remember all the love you used to give me.
I remember how we were shining.
waking up in the morning and you are hugging me.
I remember the trips, the parties, the friends.
I remember you couldn't get away from me for a second.
I remember the compulsive sex.
I remember the amusement park.
I remember when I beat up your stalkers.
I remember when I had a normal life.
these pills took everything away from me
I don't know if I'm psychotic or not anymore.
I remember when you cheated on me with someone else. my mind was broken.
My grandmother died very recently. I had the misfortune of finding her suffering, she raised me.
She had an acv.
I watched her in agony for hours.
Where are you to support me now?
I would give anything for a hug, even a fake one.
I haven't left the house for months, I'm ashamed of people seeing me.
These pills have me incapacitated.
I hate mental illness.
My mother is bipolar too.
Where are you to tell me that everything is okay.
When you were by my side nothing mattered
We had no money but we had each other.
I remember when you said you didn't want to lose me.
That you were going to die with me.
Just empty words, you left with someone else when you had me.
You should have told the truth and I would not have caused me to break out.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSKWKRLLFOSISKKWNEKFLFOWOAOOQLWKEKRKFKKDKDKWKQKQLWLELKRLGKDISOOWIWIWKEKRKFKKXIXISOSOWOWKWKKEKFKDKDKKXKSKSKQKWKKEKEKFJDJAUQOQPWPLRLXOSPQPQ

 

[brownbear]

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

It hurts so much i think im going to die of heartbreak..

 

[_Maya]

I've lost plenty of people, some from death, others from them leaving me. No matter which one it is, it hurts.


fuuuuuuuuuuucccckkkkkk life, it sucks.

 

[J&L383]

 

[outrider567]

If you've lost the person you love please use this thread to virtually scream, vent, cry, swear, grieve or expostulate. This is a safe space for all the goddamned pain you've been carrying since you lost the person you love

We are all a part of a club no one wants to be in

all together now!: fuuuuuuuuuuuu

Well, for the last three years, I have felt like screaming also, never thought in my life i'd be a member of this club

 

[Darkover]

Losing something that made life bearable—whether it's love, friendship, stability, or even just a sense of purpose—can make going back to loneliness feel unbearable. Even if you're technically in the same place you started, it doesn't feel the same because you've now experienced something better. That contrast between "what was" and "what is" can be devastating.

 

[nomoredolor]

Sending love to all of you, thanks for screaming with me and sharing your pain should we get jackets for the heartbreak club?

 

[never_take_my_heart]

Komm, süsser Tod

I know, I know I've let you down
I've been a fool to myself
I thought that I could live for no one else
But now, through all the hurt and pain
It's time for me to respect
The ones you love mean more than anything

So, with sadness in my heart
Feel the best thing I could do
Is end it all and leave forever
What's done is done, it feels so bad
What once was happy now is sad
I'll never love again
My world is ending

I wish that I could turn back time
'Cause now the guilt is all mine
Can't live without the trust from those you love
I know we can't forget the past
You can't forget love and pride
Because of that, it's killing me inside

It all returns to nothing
It all comes tumbling down
Tumbling down, tumbling down
It all returns to nothing
I just keep letting me down
Letting me down, letting me down

In my heart of hearts
I know that I could never love again
I've lost everything, everything
Everything that matters to me matters in this world

I wish that I could turn back time
'Cause now the guilt is all mine
Can't live without the trust from those you love
I know we can't forget the past
You can't forget love and pride
Because of that, it's killing me inside

It all returns to nothing
It just keeps tumbling down
Tumbling down, tumbling down
It all returns to nothing
I just keep letting me down
Letting me down, letting me down
It all returns to nothing
It just keeps tumbling down
Tumbling down, tumbling down
It all returns to nothing
I just keep letting me down
Letting me down, letting me down

 

[ilvgore]

i lost a person that i still hold in my heart made many mistakes that i regret i was afraid of this powerful connection afraid of him leaving me an choosing someone else so what did i do? i ran away with hopes and dreams and dreamt of a tomorrow together but i didnt put the work and effort in now i know that actions hold more weight than words do‍

 

[TastySorrow]

So many mornings sitting next to her on the couch, wanting to tell her "honey, this is not simple apathy or disregard... I'm tired, hurting and I need your help".
Unfortunately depression is a voice inside your head that tells you that you're never enough, your problems are yours only and you shouldn't burden other people with them.
Now she's gone and it's too late to bring her back.

 

[longtheriverrun]

I became an infinitely more miserable person after my ex ended things with me. I've always been a highly neurotic person, but I was able to manage it and be "normal." And when we broke up, I spiraled. I remember almost every word of hers, and the one(s) that have stuck with me the most are "you'll move on, you'll be just fine." Almost 2 years later and I've only become worse—Probably because I still try talking to her every now and then. I'm envious of people who are able to move on by somehow losing their feelings for a person, or finding a new partner altogether. It doesn't matter how good other aspects of my life are—career, academia—if my love is unrequited I feel completely worthless. I regret saying that I'd always love her, because now it feels more like a curse rather than a promise. These sensations of dread and loneliness in my heart are going to be the death of me one day

 

[SummerSolesLongLost]

Was too sad for my person. Now they are gone and happy and im stuck and doomed.

 

[Reflection]

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

This shit just sucks, sucks a lot. Never thought it's be like this, always been there for her doing my best no matter what and when I asked her why she's turning her back at me she's just like "I don't care, situation's changed now"....Like what the fuck. I couldn't keep anything inside that I even had a mental breakdown in college and started crying, with her there, and she didn't give a single fuck. People in this world are absolutely fucked in the head.

 

[Yume Nikki]

i felt so betrayed after he left me, but it was my fault for ignoring the red flags. those were some of the best days of my life and now i just cry in bed mourning what could've been. all the dreams i've planned with him are dead and will never come to existence.

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

fucking hell, it hurt the first 3 times you left.
the fourth and final time built a low burning anger.
You knew that abandoning me out of the blue hurt so deeply and yet you did it again and again and again.
I hate that if given the chance, I'd still love you but I'd never ever live for you. never again.

I will never hope, nor love in the same way. I do not wish to.
I'm only more tired.

 

[nomoredolor]

i felt so betrayed after he left me, but it was my fault for ignoring the red flags. those were some of the best days of my life and now i just cry in bed mourning what could've been. all the dreams i've planned with him are dead and will never come to existence.

I relate to this so fucking hard so fucking goddamn hard and I'm so sorry this where you are mourning what could've been. It hurts it hurts it hurts

 

[TransTaxEvader]

If you've lost the person you love please use this thread to virtually scream, vent, cry, swear, grieve or expostulate.

She was everything I had. She said we would get married and be together forever, and she broke up with me in December because I "need to find someone better" than her. There is no one better. She was my world. I dont know what to do. She wants to remain friends but it kills me everytime I interact with her. I've decided that I'm going to CTB on March 31st. The day before one of my closest friends met the same fate in 2023. I cant fucking take it.

 

[litekiller11]

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

[Michi_Violeta]

Life would make sense if you come back after what you did to me. I gave you everything I could, my Michi, all I had at that moment in life. I wasn't sure if you were the love of my life, you know I don't believe in that, but I believed in staying by your side and treating you with empathy, with love, I believed in letting you sleep all morning in my bed when I had to leave early on Monday mornings to work with my mother: she made orange juice for you, I always had your favorite brownies, and I loved bringing you breakfast to bed and looking at you from my bedroom door before leaving for work.

Not a day has passed in which I don't torture myself by remembering the afternoon when it all ended. I should've fought more, but I did tell you I loved you, I asked for you to wait, I told you I didn't want to be with anyone else. But you insisted. A guy just hits on you out of nowhere on Facebook and you left what, in your own words, was the best relationship you'd ever had.

Apparently he's better than me. I spent my whole life becoming someone smart, someone good, someone respectable, and you changed me for someone who was discharge of the army for mental health reasons and whose only skill seems to be punching people. Do you have any idea how worthless that makes me feel? How pointless it all feels now? You know how long I'd been single, how hard it had been for me, how important you were for me, the amount of hope you gave me, the amount of work I was putting into having a future for myself so I could finally be able to think about a future together.

I don't want to let go, I don't want to give up. You're beautiful, we never fought, we laughed a lot, we had great conversations, we made love in such a meaningful and satisfying way, we watched Avatar and Gossip Girl and Edgerunners and The Americans. I even miss you watching Winx Club on my bed while I worked or played on my computer. I miss your laughter so much, I miss your smile, your hugs. I know you still dance wearing my shirt, you showed it to me yourself.

I've given up, Michi, I don't want to go on after this, even if I can. You were my last hope and one that shouldn't end like this. But you're happy: you left your mom and me for that guy, you hurt us immensely, and life is rewarding you. How does that make any sense? Why would I want to live in a world like that without you after having felt the glory of love again? I don't. Not without you. Not after everything regarding Violeta has gone to shit. Not now that Germany has elected the far right and is no longer my escape plan. Not Now is actually playing right now, one of the only songs I've been able to listen since I no longer enjoy music that isn't painful: please stay until I'm gone, I'm here hold on, to me, I'm right here waiting and take my last one breath, and don't forget that I'll be right here, waiting.

 

[Saturn_]

I'm past wanting to reconcile or talk again. I just wish I could perform some Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-esque procedure on my brain and forget they even existed.

 

[Notaname]

Was too sad for my person. Now they are gone and happy and im stuck and doomed.

I feel that...

 

[Pluto]

 

[blueinthedark]

he killed himself on halloween. I havent stopped thinking about him for a second since then. he was my best friend, my everything, the center of my universe for 6 years. we ended on bad terms and he tried to get in contact to make up a week before he did it but i ignored the message.I would give anything, genuinely anything save maybe my partner or my best friend to see him again. id throw my whole life away to bring him back even if he wanted nothing to do with me.

I thought i wasnt suicidal anymore. i used to spend hours every day lurking on this forum, using the PPH to plan my exit. this is my first time logging on in years. I thought I had truly recovered. I still dont think im truly back there - i dont think i could do it now. but i wish i could. i wish i wanted death badly enough to follow him like i once promised i would. i feel like a cornerstone of my reality is missing, like im just .. floating. i dont love most of the new people in my life the way they love me because i cant help but be bitter that they arent him. I know they would never get over my death but if it gave me the opportunity to see him again i couldnt bring myself to care. everything that upsets me for any reason just leads back to him. i miss him so much. i miss his smile, and his laugh, and his goofy phrases and watching his favorite show with him even though i hated it. I miss talking about our imaginary worlds and stories together and dreaming of plans for the future that neither of us really thought would happen. i miss falling asleep and waking up next to him.I miss running my fingers through his hair. I miss exchanging silly little trinkets as gifts and getting high in my car with him and showing him new music. i miss just being around him. I hate that the first year of 6 together where we were on bad terms was the year he died. I'll never forgive myself for not opening those messages, or for what i did to mess things up so badly.

I wish i could at least have the solace of knowing that hed found peace in his choice, but he didnt even plan it.He had always been impulsive and he was drunk, and there was no note, and just earlier that night he had been saying that he was gonna get in treatment and get better. he was training to be a vet tech, his mom had finally agreed to family therapy, he was just one night away from receiving an offer from the job he had wanted which he had interviewed for a week before. He had been considering admitting himself to inpatient a few night beforehand. god i wish he had. I think he'd still be here. i think he wouldve been happy. I think we wouldve come around to being friends again. his family didnt let me come to his funeral.

my 21st birthday was a few weeks ago. first in 6 years i didnt hear from him. first of many. 2 more before ive officially aged past him. I hate this. i hate this reality with every fiber of my being. It hasnt gotten easier to think about. physical pain doesn't register to me anymore, thinking about the horrid state of the world and my country barely even sceatches me. nothing hurts worse than this.

 

[femcelloser]

He just fucking stopped talking to me one day I don't know why he hurt me like that still to this day. I thought we were like best friends and he just dropped me. It's not fair he didn't even give me an explanation or anything. I still love him and want to hang with him as much as possible but I guess he never felt the same way. Fuuuuuuuuck dude

 

[sadsoni]

I lost my dear sister and brother to OD and hanging, and the rest of the family is pretty heartless. So yeah, it hurts.