Rallyon, if I understand you, you and your children are living with your partner, who is very controlling and not who you want your kids to be raised by? Is there any way you can leave, taking your children with you? Is there anyone in your family you and the kids could stay with? Or: There are shelters and social services to help in this kind of situation. If you get out of your current situation you could hopefully think more clearly about how to go forward, and what options are available.
I want you to be able to think clearly and make your best decisions. My mother killed herself when I was an infant and left a dreadful hole where every child's sense of love and acceptance and self-worth is supposed to be. I know you don't want to do that to your children. You need to make good choices for them as well as for yourself.