if i did try to go back in time to change my mistakes, it would not have led me to where i am today. as painful as it sounds, attempting ctb (and surviving) has changed me into trying to live as long as possible. for myself, pets, family, and more importantly, my fiancée. if i did not survive, i would not have met her, or known what love truly felt like.
that being said, if i had a chance to go back in time, it would have been when my ex texted me first in a year where it led me into a spiral of depression and suffering.