If you were diagnosed with a terminal illness how would you feel and what would you do?

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

try MDMA, pretty harmless, not addictive and you wil feel beautiful and fulfilled with love
don't touch the uppers like cocain and meth, it's no fun at all

But i guess you will feel so full of love you won't ctb anymore lol

how about heroin thou?
is mdma dangerous> whats its street name? is that Exstacy? or however u spell it lol sorry.

 

[RN12]

how about heroin thou?
is mdma dangerous> whats its street name? is that Exstacy? or however u spell it lol sorry.

yeah heroin possible, but it's next level junkie escape. I think it's more like passing out, waking up and thinking wow that feeling was great but not really a 'live experience'

MDMA is the active ingredient from a XTC pill (i live in Netherlands, so it's pretty normal here). But I prefer MDMA crystals because you know you have just the active ingredient. It's not dangerous imo (yeah you always have those idiots that take 3gram on an evening and pass out from dehydration) If you take <1g i bet my money nothing crazy happens if you really have MDMA. In the Netherlands are so much parties and festivals and everyone uses it there.. It's not really addictive because if you take it everyday your serotonin is empty and it doesn't work properly anymore 'it won't give the love feeling'. So it makes no sense then.

in the UK and the US they call it molly. It's a party, disco drug. If you take in the club you can't stop dancing. If you take it at home you feel completely fulfilled with love.
I tried drugs amfetamin, marijuana, cocaine, xtc etc. (not heroin because i'm not a junky that wants to get addicted). But i can say if i die i am happy that i experienced MDMA/XTC. it's unbeatable by any feeling. You will not drooling in a corner, no you will have the night of your life spinning your best LP's and cuddling with your pillow and thinking about how beautifull your carpet is, and how nice a TV actually looks and how beautifull the kitchen colors are where you never thought about etc.

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

yeah heroin possible, but it's next level junkie escape. I think it's more like passing out, waking up and thinking wow that feeling was great but not really a 'live experience'

MDMA is the active ingredient from a XTC pill (i live in Netherlands, so it's pretty normal here). But I prefer MDMA crystals because you know you have just the active ingredient. It's not dangerous imo (yeah you always have those idiots that take 3gram on an evening and pass out from dehydration) If you take <1g i bet my money nothing crazy happens if you really have MDMA. In the Netherlands are so much parties and festivals and everyone uses it there.. It's not really addictive because if you take it everyday your serotonin is empty and it doesn't work properly anymore 'it won't give the love feeling'. So it makes no sense then.

in the UK and the US they call it molly. It's a party, disco drug. If you take in the club you can't stop dancing. If you take it at home you feel completely fulfilled with love.
I tried drugs amfetamin, marijuana, cocaine, xtc etc. (not heroin because i'm not a junky that wants to get addicted). But i can say if i die i am happy that i experienced MDMA/XTC. it's unbeatable by any feeling. You will not drooling in a corner, no you will have the night of your life spinning your best LP's and cuddling with your pillow and thinking about how beautifull your carpet is, and how nice a TV actually looks and how beautifull the kitchen colors are where you never thought about etc.

Ok thanks!! now i wana try MDMA....

now just gotta find it. Does purity matter like heroin and such? ima drug noob sorry.

Also could a person OD and die on MDMA , dont worry not gonna do that im just curious.
are the pills fine to take thou? idk what are crystals.

 

[SpinsterHag]

There are plenty of people here because they have a terminal illness, I feel it's sometimes difficult for them to understand a healthy person wishing for a terminal illness. But for those of us suicidal for other reasons, it feels like a great excuse to die with family and friends at your side.

I went through some testing last month, my doctor thought I might have cancer. I was thrilled. I hoped desperately that I did. I would have chosen to keep it a secret and not treat it (except for treating symptoms for comfort). Would've told people only when it was getting dire, then probably still CTB at the end when it became difficult to tolerate. Felt like the perfect plan. Turned out I didn't have cancer, hard to describe how disappointed I was. Funny enough, a cancer diagnosis probably would've extended my lifespan by quite a bit compared to my more immediate plans.

Ya but, none of us here are "healthy" ppl, are illnesses are blind to the naked eye because it's our brains. It would be easier for us to have a visible illness, this way nobody can say, "oh just get over it. It's in the past, just get up and do it already." Yikes, if only it were that easy for us. Ppl will have more compassion for you if you die by car accident, cancer or any other disease or illness, but illness of the "brain," that's different.

I know exactly what you're saying about "possibly" being diagnosed with cancer and euphoria that came with it.

I have a 4.8cm cyst growing on my pancreas. They told me anything bigger than a 3.5 needs a procedure done to see if it's cancer. They want to put me under and stick a tube down my throat to draw fluid from the cyst and take pictures of it. That was two years ago, I still haven't gone.

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

Ya but, none of us here are "healthy" ppl, are illnesses are blind to the naked eye because it's our brains. It would be easier for us to have a visible illness, this way nobody can say, "oh just get over it. It's in the past, just get up and do it already." Yikes, if only it were that easy for us. Ppl will have more compassion for you if you die by car accident, cancer or any other disease or illness, but illness of the "brain," that's different.

I know exactly what you're saying about "possibly" being diagnosed with cancer and euphoria that came with it.

I have a 4.8cm cyst growing on my pancreas. They told me anything bigger than a 3.5 needs a procedure done to see if it's cancer. They want to put me under and stick a tube down my throat to draw fluid from the cyst and take pictures of it. That was two years ago, I still haven't gone.

i think you should go because if it is something serious then at least youd know and can plan your remaining days accordingly or decide what actions to take........ if its nothing serious then no loss either way.

I suspect i have pancreatic cancer myself..

No apetite, never get hungry, blood in the toilet sometimes, bloating, right side pain and belly button pain often, reflux and random hiccups.

 

[Foresight]

Lay back and take my morphine.

I'd probably move to a right to die state and end my life. I have the means and support. I would accept it. It would make me feel better for my family who don't get suicide.

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

Lay back and take my morphine.

I'd probably move to a right to die state and end my life. I have the means and support. I would accept it. It would make me feel better for my family who don't get suicide.

my country doesnt have euthanasia.. I wonder if im allowed to fly to another country that has euthanasia or would that be illegal/

 

[Foresight]

my country doesnt have euthanasia.. I wonder if im allowed to fly to another country that has euthanasia or would that be illegal/

Pegasos takes international cases. It's super expensive though. I don't think someone can come to the U.S. though, you need to be a national.

 

[RN12]

Ok thanks!! now i wana try MDMA....

now just gotta find it. Does purity matter like heroin and such? ima drug noob sorry.

Also could a person OD and die on MDMA , dont worry not gonna do that im just curious.
are the pills fine to take thou? idk what are crystals.

If you die on MDMA than you are just a reckless madmen. Sometimes when i was at parties some people knocked out because that were foreigners that took 3 grams or so, don't drink, and dance all day. If people die from it then it's from hypothermia.

But that seriously won't happen at home lol. Most people sell MDMA per gram. Just buy a gram (it's like sugar crystals) Lick your finger, dip it in it so that your fingertip is sugar'ed and put in the mouth and flush away, put up the volume of the stereo speakers and enjoy. After 30 minutes you feel good, then you do it again with your finger and you feel much better after 30 minutes. And so you can chill all night. i guess, 200mg a night is okay.
An XTC pill contains around 200mg pure MDMA + additives/filler (you don't know what they put as filler, so that's why most people prefer just MDMA the active ingredient.

I did that for 5 years straight in the weekends with my friends never had any problems, nor seen accidents except for the hypertermia overdose people as i told you (mostly tourists from Italy lol). Nor addiction because there were also weekends we didn't do it. You just don't crave it like cocain or so while the effects are 10 times better and nice. Cocain is just a stupid alpha male drug, you only feel nice, alert and alpha men, but doesnt have that euphoric love rush. In the Netherlands it's well accepted, even on the festivals here people are allowed to take some inside only for own usage (XTC/MDMA). Some festivals there are even stands where you can check your pills if they contain no toxin. If you go to a dutch music festival you ask around you find it in 1 minute. So that it's somewhat tolerated here says something about the dangers...
But heroin or crystal meth is not tolerated here in the country. And i can understand why.

I never cared about purity because i always just bought M and it was just always good. I think it's not like cocain a hard % or something
Just need 'good' molly from a well known vendor, check darkweb There they sell shitloads of it and you can see the rating (stars) of the vendor

Nobody should die before ever trying MDMA.. just a missed (harmless) chance

 

[Releasefrompressure]

i have cancer. It is not terminal but my finances do not allow me to get treatment.. I would have to in theory sell my house i share with my wife.

I would not allow this to happen. I didn't really want to go, but left with the prospect of seeing her willing to sell our house i had to put a stop to this. It is not fair for her to suffer. If I loved her my duty as a man is to do suicide. It's not exactly what I wanted but It has to be done.

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

i have cancer. It is not terminal but my finances do not allow me to get treatment.. I would have to in theory sell my house i share with my wife.

I would not allow this to happen. I didn't really want to go, but left with the prospect of seeing her willing to sell our house i had to put a stop to this. It is not fair for her to suffer. If I loved her my duty as a man is to do suicide. It's not exactly what I wanted but It has to be done.

im so sorry youre going through this , i understand your reasoning now.

you ever though of starting a gofundme?

i wish you all the best regardless.

 

[Releasefrompressure]

im so sorry youre going through this , i understand your reasoning now.

you ever though of starting a gofundme?

i wish you all the best regardless.

I don't really want to be lead on the emotional rollercoster of false hope or seeing it fail and not go anywhere near the objective and feel useless and a nobody. I think dying is best option with dignity rather than straw clutching.

 

[SpinsterHag]

i think you should go because if it is something serious then at least youd know and can plan your remaining days accordingly or decide what actions to take........ if its nothing serious then no loss either way.

I suspect i have pancreatic cancer myself..

No apetite, never get hungry, blood in the toilet sometimes, bloating, right side pain and belly button pain often, reflux and random hiccups.

I already have my cremation paid for since 2017. I literally live every day as though it's my last already. I've been going through all my stuff and getting rid of things. I live alone, I have no friends, and family who live an hour away that we have no relationship. Other than once a year when I text them, happy birthday, and they reply thank you, and then the same on my birthday. Other than that, I never talk to or see my brothers.

They have they're own lives with wives and kids. I'm a 58 yr old childless spinster. If I were to end this conversation and die on my couch of a heart attack, NOBODY would know until at least a week after June 1st. When the landlord doesn't get the rent check, he'll know I'm dead. My rents ALWAYS paid on the 1st.

I don't work anymore, and all my "friends" got married, kids, yrs ago and are now grandmothers. They ALL ghosted me as the yrs went by. The only one who didn't, died of a heart attack in Nov 2015, 3 wks after her 51st b-day and 2 days after her oldest daughters baby shower. We were friends since 1982.....I miss her so much! She was messed up in the head too..... Attempted SS a few times... abusive husband pushed her to it.

Not one person on this planet would even notice if I died. Only the landlord cuz of the rent.

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

I don't really want to be lead on the emotional rollercoster of false hope or seeing it fail and not go anywhere near the objective and feel useless and a nobody. I think dying is best option with dignity rather than straw clutching.

but how come you cant get free treatment at a Public Hospital?

here at government run hospitals people get free treatment for everything.

please try and speak to your local government.

maybe see if you can go to another country with free medical?

I already have my cremation paid for since 2017. I literally live every day as though it's my last already. I've been going through all my stuff and getting rid of things. I live alone, I have no friends, and family who live an hour away that we have no relationship. Other than once a year when I text them, happy birthday, and they reply thank you, and then the same on my birthday. Other than that, I never talk to or see my brothers.

They have they're own lives with wives and kids. I'm a 58 yr old childless spinster. If I were to end this conversation and die on my couch of a heart attack, NOBODY would know until at least a week after June 1st. When the landlord doesn't get the rent check, he'll know I'm dead. My rents ALWAYS paid on the 1st.

I don't work anymore, and all my "friends" got married, kids, yrs ago and are now grandmothers. They ALL ghosted me as the yrs went by. The only one who didn't, died of a heart attack in Nov 2015, 3 wks after her 51st b-day and 2 days after her oldest daughters baby shower. We were friends since 1982.....I miss her so much! She was messed up in the head too..... Attempted SS a few times... abusive husband pushed her to it.

Not one person on this planet would even notice if I died. Only the landlord cuz of the rent.

Id love to be your friend, older women are wise and mature and i believe you are worth knowing.

im sorry about all this, i can relate as im 34 and live alone and only have my father but he pays my bills.

my mom died in 2013 aged 59 in front of me and i did nothing to save her, i just froze up.

i have ptsd and cant sleep after that.

so i really relate to what you say about that once person you miss so much.

i am thinking of you because you remind me of my mom being the same age with 1 year difference.

older people should be treated like gold.

again id love to be your friend.

 

[Rational man]

I have terminal illness and its awful. The slow protracted death is the ultimate torture , inflicted by the cowards in government. Its surprisingly obvious that some people seek assistance in dying where it is legal or take matters into their own hands!. My Mother died.horrendously. I ve seen.dogs die better in the gutter..

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

I have terminal illness and its awful. The slow protracted death is the ultimate torture , inflicted by the cowards in government. Its surprisingly obvious that some people seek assistance in dying where it is legal or take matters into their own hands!. My Mother died.horrendously. I ve seen.dogs die better in the gutter..

im sorry that you have that and i wish you all the strenght

im sorry about your mother, believe me to that i can relate. believe me.

id like to know more about your situation if its ok .

 

[Rational man]

im sorry that you have that and i wish you all the strenght

im sorry about your mother, believe me to that i can relate. believe me.

id like to know more about your situation if its ok .

i developed autoimmune dysfunction following covid vax in 2020. I developed night sweats, weight loss and abdominal paralysis. Doctors have said no connection there but im incurable. Eating.is hard because of the pain. I was previously a fit guy but im now so ill. Its so hard to live now because the medics don't have answers. The UK is on the verge of passing law on approving Assisted dying. Otherwise, i will die like mum who festered, devoid of dignity, in her own piss and shit.

i think you should go because if it is something serious then at least youd know and can plan your remaining days accordingly or decide what actions to take........ if its nothing serious then no loss either way.

I suspect i have pancreatic cancer myself..

No apetite, never get hungry, blood in the toilet sometimes, bloating, right side pain and belly button pain often, reflux and random hiccups.

Also a sign of inflammation possibly !.
A doctor in my county cbt after he diagnosed himself with cancer so he helped himself to the drugs cabinet.
Unfortunately, he misdiagnosed and was found to be benign.
ironic really!.

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

I hope one day you find answers, do you do anything to help cope with the pain?

The UK seems quite progressive .
It could be anything really, half of me wishes its cancer half of me wishes its ibs or something like diverticulitis or gall bladder.

 

[Rational man]

I hope one day you find answers, do you do anything to help cope with the pain?

The UK seems quite progressive .
It could be anything really, half of me wishes its cancer half of me wishes its ibs or something like diverticulitis or gall bladder.

i just live with pain and inflammatory.drugs

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

i just live with pain and inflammatory.drugs

i hear weed or even just cbd oil( if you dont wana smoke) is very helpful for both pain and inflammation , you should give it a try.

 

[Rational man]

i hear weed or even just cbd oil( if you dont wana smoke) is very helpful for both pain and inflammation , you should give it a try.

THANKS. I taks large does of pregabalin for nerve destruction pain. Have you read the ' chronic illnesses megathreadq' on the forum?.

 

[SpinsterHag]

i have cancer. It is not terminal but my finances do not allow me to get treatment.. I would have to in theory sell my house i share with my wife.

I would not allow this to happen. I didn't really want to go, but left with the prospect of seeing her willing to sell our house i had to put a stop to this. It is not fair for her to suffer. If I loved her my duty as a man is to do suicide. It's not exactly what I wanted but It has to be done.

If you have a wife and a house, you must have life insurance right? You know life insurance doesn't pay out on SS. Can she make the monthly costs without you and the ins payout?

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

THANKS. I taks large does of pregabalin for nerve destruction pain. Have you read the ' chronic illnesses megathreadq' on the forum?.

no actually

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

It's hard to tell. It really depends on the situation and how the person deals with it. I can't know, only by experiencing

 

[BlackCatTalk]

I will be happy and ctb without doubt

 

[RN12]

i'm damaged and crippled by a pharmaceutical at the age of 31, i wish i could do something, a bucket list thing, but i'm too damaged unfortunately.
So for now my goal was to reach the highest rank in a game i played a long time ago.
I reached that 2 months ago. lol

But i wish it was something more spectacular

 

[its-about-time]

Theres no drug that can alleviate all pain hence why people with illness are sufferings everyday for long


Same as how healthy people dont know what is like to suffer from illness.

Or mental illness being seen as trivial by healthy
people. Maybe because they never been through it. It would be different if they suffer from it

As there are people who wants to ctb due to sufferings of illness

Even on here I've seen threads from physically ailed people saying they wouldn't ctb if they just had a mental illness instead lol

Ya but, none of us here are "healthy" ppl, are illnesses are blind to the naked eye because it's our brains. It would be easier for us to have a visible illness, this way nobody can say, "oh just get over it. It's in the past, just get up and do it already." Yikes, if only it were that easy for us. Ppl will have more compassion for you if you die by car accident, cancer or any other disease or illness, but illness of the "brain," that's different.

I know exactly what you're saying about "possibly" being diagnosed with cancer and euphoria that came with it.

I have a 4.8cm cyst growing on my pancreas. They told me anything bigger than a 3.5 needs a procedure done to see if it's cancer. They want to put me under and stick a tube down my throat to draw fluid from the cyst and take pictures of it. That was two years ago, I still haven't gone.

100% agree. Good luck with the cyst, you know what I mean.

 

[SpinsterHag]

but how come you cant get free treatment at a Public Hospital?

here at government run hospitals people get free treatment for everything.

please try and speak to your local government.

maybe see if you can go to another country with free medical?

Id love to be your friend, older women are wise and mature and i believe you are worth knowing.

im sorry about all this, i can relate as im 34 and live alone and only have my father but he pays my bills.

my mom died in 2013 aged 59 in front of me and i did nothing to save her, i just froze up.

i have ptsd and cant sleep after that.

so i really relate to what you say about that once person you miss so much.

i am thinking of you because you remind me of my mom being the same age with 1 year difference.

older people should be treated like gold.

again id love to be your friend.

Aaaawe, thank you. You have me crying. Hugs

i'm damaged and crippled by a pharmaceutical at the age of 31, i wish i could do something, a bucket list thing, but i'm too damaged unfortunately.
So for now my goal was to reach the highest rank in a game i played a long time ago.
I reached that 2 months ago. lol

But i wish it was something more spectacular

I absolutely feel you! I'm just as damaged. My bucket list, is watching all my dvds again of my fav tv shows from the 80's, 90's and early 00. Along with relistening to all my records, cassette tapes and cds! I was listening to my dad's old country albums earlier today. Hank Williams, Johnny Cash.....

Something special about listening to music on a record player. I smoke a bowl and sing into my music.

 

[JinnDX]

Definitly no treatment at all. Terminal illness would somehow be a blessing / solution to all my problems. Every night I pray to god some organ will fail during my sleep.

Depends on the time I have left. If I have enough money for that timeframe, I would go to the place of my last vacation. Do drugs daily. Talk to people, learn about their story. Fuck with some. Party with others.
Prior to my illness my life has been about intensity. Knowing i only have x months left, those would be as intense as possible!

 

[Intelligent_Panic99]

You have bipolar? How bad is it to live with?

I guess bad? I worry a lot about what I will do when I am out of control and worry I will hurt someone which really drives my desire to cbt before that happens. Usually I just hurt myself a lot. Despite being on a ton of medication I still want to kill myself every single day and when I tell therapists how I feel they won't get near me. So it feels pretty untreatable.