Discussion if you want to kill yourself, why?

[waterbottle3929]

I'd like to hear other people's stories. We're all in this forum for a reason, anyways (I come back here every time I get that urge/spiral). I want to die because I feel like my life's just been one colossal failure and that things will never get better. I keep trying but at this point I just want to give up already. It's been 5 years since I failed my SN attempt and it's my biggest regret in life. I wish I wasn't such a coward and just went through with it completely then all my problems would've been solved. Hopefully I can get my hands on a gun or SN again (I'm leaning towards the gun because once you shoot there's no waiting period. The waiting period really messed me up for SN)

 

[WakingNightmare]

Bored, cannot name a single thing from which I would derive any sort of meaning.

 

[clavicle]

I hold my breath when I walk past people

 

[scndgyo]

I mean, it is a combination of many things. Some days it is just so tiring that I could not think of a reason to live. Some days I meet other people, think about myself for a moment, and figure that it would be better if I was gone from the world. I guess tension within your own life can reach a breaking point, and I've past that for some time already.

 

[StupidCat]

I'm tired

 

[Griever]

My life is simply no longer worth living

 

[catfriend]

i have decided that nonexistence is better than being middle-aged or older, with more or less the same struggles i have now. the same reliance on drugs to only semi-function in society. in three succinct words: not worth it.

if i may ask, did your SN attempt fail because you called for help? SN is my chosen method, and with my ctb date a month away, i am rather interested in other people's experiences. :)

 

[Praestat_Mori]

A big failure in life made me suicidal after I had a relatively good life since childhood. It's basically a money (liquidity) problem that makes me suicidal. It's the only thing that makes me suicidal and currently things have calmed down and it's a life on a very low level but with almost no stress factors - that's why I'm hardly suicidal atm.

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

Because nothing is worth this.

 

[waterbottle3929]

i have decided that nonexistence is better than being middle-aged or older, with more or less the same struggles i have now. the same reliance on drugs to only semi-function in society. in three succinct words: not worth it.

if i may ask, did your SN attempt fail because you called for help? SN is my chosen method, and with my ctb date a month away, i am rather interested in other people's experiences. :)

yeah, I called for help. SI kicked in after I thought the drug was not working (I was not nauseous and only my heart was beating rapidly). Coupled with my anxiety and impatience, I ended up going to kitchen to grab breakfast and told my family to call for help. My SN experience was not painful at all physically, though. It was just the mental hurdle of lying down and waiting for death to take me that made me back out last minute.

 

[catfriend]

yeah, I called for help. SI kicked in after I thought the drug was not working (I was not nauseous and only my heart was beating rapidly). Coupled with my anxiety and impatience, I ended up going to kitchen to grab breakfast and told my family to call for help. My SN experience was not painful at all physically, though. It was just the mental hurdle of lying down and waiting for death to take me that made me back out last minute.

thank you for sharing. i can understand the mental anguish of waiting for it to do its thing... that's something i will have to face, when my time comes.

 

[waterbottle3929]

thank you for sharing. i can understand the mental anguish of waiting for it to do its thing... that's something i will have to face, when my time comes.

yeah of course. i hope whatever happens that you're able to find peace in some way.

 

[FuneralCry]

I always wish to not exist and it's all I could ever hope and wish for, I'd just never wish to suffer in this cruel, torturous existence rather I just wish for the peace of non-existence where all is finally gone and forgotten, to me existence truly is the most dreadful, harmful abomination that just causes so much pain, cruelty and suffering and I'd never wish for any of this, for me non-existence really is all that's positive as to me existence just feels like a terrible mistake, I see it as the most dreadful, terrible tragedy how this existence was even imposed and I'll always see existence as an imposition.

I find it so horrific how a human can exist for so long just to be tortured by old age with no limit as to how much agony they can feel, all I personally wish and hope for is some peace, I just want to never wake ever again and as long as I exist I'll only hope to never suffer ever again, I just see so much cruelty in how I cannot just have a death like falling into an eternal dreamless sleep with the suffering and torture of human existence seen as to force and prolong no matter what instead.

 

[Dyingoportunity]

I've been a NEET ever since I dropped out of college in 2017 and have helped my parents with my autistic brother (mostly just to watch for signs that he might have a seizure). I've had the help of my other siblings and of course my parents provide for him most, but since I'm the only adult child besides him at home I've been the one who is compelled to be with him.

I've told my parents how much I want to be free for myself and I know they'd want me to, but there is always something going with my brother that makes this impossible. I can't even learn to drive or get a job because of this. I love my parents and they have sacrificed a lot For us and I know my brother struggles a lot as well, but how I was made to give up my happiness and future has damaged my ability to be a normal person.

On top of all that I was SA'd as a teenager and I can't get my attacker out of my head.

I just want out.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Grief from the many people ive lost , internal suffering from my many mental illnesses and because I barely have anyone.

The only reason I'm still going is because the few people who do care , care enough.

 

[wiz_miz_03]

Imagine being born gay in a society where it's not accepted at all. Life is brutal

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I'm trapped. If I hadn't gotten married and became a dad, I wouldn't be here. My wife hates me but needs me for chores and money. My adult kids need me for money (because the economy sucks for young people today) and to not have to say "yeah my dad killed himself". I hate myself, I'm a pain in the ass to the world, what a mess. Having kids really messes things up. I love them and would do anything for them, but this existence is so painful... I'm embarrassed to say I'm passively committing suicide by waiting to die, which is stupid. Someday I expect something will slip in my mind and I'll be outta here. I don't have the self-respect to put myself out of my misery.

 

[22yearsbroken]

Being in constant pain fro. My decaying and broken body has had a big impact.. but ive made so many mistakes in my life.. well the last 22 years have been nit just tough but every day my heart breaks into more pieces.. not seeing my daughter grow up..not spoke to a family member in 15 years including my dad and sister lost my mum at 16... partner had a 4 mo th affair when i was diagnosed and was close to pallative care.. to many wounds and scars tbat no amount of therapy could fix now im just medicated by a doctor and some added extra from myself to feel human .. i cant walk mor than 20 feet without having to neck a ton of codiene.. my health has already given me a rough eatimate of my demise.. and befor i end up bed bound for life or worse... im goi g on my terms...my life my choice.

 

[divinemistress36]

Brain injury, treatment resistant depression, ptsd

 

[22yearsbroken]

Being in constant pain fro. My decaying and broken body has had a big impact.. but ive made so many mistakes in my life.. well the last 22 years have been nit just tough but every day my heart breaks into more pieces.. not seeing my daughter grow up..not spoke to a family member in 15 years including my dad and sister lost my mum at 16... partner had a 4 mo th affair when i was diagnosed and was close to pallative care.. to many wounds and scars tbat no amount of therapy could fix now im just medicated by a doctor and some added extra from myself to feel human .. i cant walk mor than 20 feet without having to neck a ton of codiene.. my health has already given me a rough eatimate of my demise.. and befor i end up bed bound for life or worse... im goi g on my terms...my life my choice.

Until then its juat one day at at time one foot infront of the other.. do what i can each day to try find a smile .. i know and understand how much sand is left in my timer ... being here helps my be hoenst and open about my thoughts feeling and the things i have to say.. maybe my words will anger some, maybe my words may offer support or an ear that listens..
All i can ever say is ... just be you.. never let anyone change you.. thats when you become lost ...

 

[identity0]

I don't want to exist in this reality. It is a form of hell. The pain is sharp and unbearable. Nothing is the way that it is meant to be, like an absurd nightmare. No matter how low i try to set my expectations I remain shocked and disappointed. I am incompatible with this society due to anxiety, depression, social phobia. There is little hope of a solution or improvement now that i'm in my mid 30s and tried so hard for so long with no positive results

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Major depressive disorder has convinced me life is not worth living. I suffer mental anguish every day from it.

 

[Ligottian]

My misfortunes and mental pain have just not quite reached the breaking point.

 

[spacechild]

Severe suffering & solitude due to mental illness and also i ruined my life completely and I'm such a loser since high school been doing nothing but spending time in my room and I'm about to be 30yo also i no longer feel any sort of peace or joy or desire to something

 

[Daenerys Targaryen]

My illness consumes me and there is no cure,
every day it gets worse