Discussion If you had dependents or those who rely on you, would it change your personal decision on CTB'ing?

[TAW122]

I have thought about this question before, and there are many interesting answers and perspectives to it. The people who state that one should NOT CTB if they have dependents (even though my stance is more grey than black and white), do at least have some basis in their argument. Their main argument is that because one is dependent on them, then the host should NOT easily CTB, which means that if someone decides to have biological children, they at least owe it to their biological children to support them until they are independent enough or arrange someone or other's to take care of those who dependent on the host. In this relationship, it is generally a parent to child relationship meaning that the parent of the child (especially if they undertook the role of being a parent), they at least owe it to their children to be around for them. I don't fully agree and my stance is more nuanced, meaning it is more gray than simply black and white (not absolute yes, nor absolute no). Even existentialgoof (who is a very staunch pro-choicer himself) believes that those who create dependents (usually biological children by their own decision) do owe it to their biological children to be around for them.

I myself (TAW122) am single, do not have dependents nor plan to bear the responsibility of being a provider either, so I am more inclined to go on my own terms, I don't have that anchor that most people have, meaning not tied to someone nor owe things to those around me. So this means nobody is being harmed due to dependency (basic needs, financial support, etc.) from me besides their emotional feelings, but if we were to deny people rights' because of emotional harm, then it opens up a complex ethical dilemma and even many different complications that I would not entertain in this thread, though I digress... As for my stance, I would say that if I had a dependent or maybe even a partner (ideally one that I chose and decided to be with), then my stance on my personal decision towards CTB'ing would be more nuanced. If I was a parent, I would certainly ensure that my dependents (biological children) are taken care of until they are adults or find some way to arrange for their care and growth. Of course, in such a scenario, if I was terminally ill, then I would be dying already and would still opt for a dignified death but do whatever it takes to make my children/kin beneficiaries (aka life insurance, other things that payout, they inherit my assets, etc.).

For those who have children or have dependents or so of any kind, would you change your personal decision on CTB'ing if you had biological children that were dependent on you? Why or why not?

 

[Pluto]

 

[no.death.bed.reQ]

My dog was my only reason

 

[hiding the roses]

not anyone human, just a cat. and defenitely stopped me from ctb a couple times, but ive found someone to take him in after i leave so, no more worries

 

[halfstay]

I don't have dependents and never plan to because of my emotional instability, but as someone who was raised by other emotionally unstable children, in place of emotionally absent or chaotic parents I think the dependent is going to be deeply traumatized regardless.

I have a few friends with parents who've ended their lives and we share similar feelings about being unloved and not feeling like we were "enough" for our parent(s). Different reasons, yes, but a similar outcome.

I guess I'm indifferent to it. If you end your life with a child, they will undoubtedly be scarred permanently, probably believing they were never enough for their parent. On the other side, a chaotic and mentally ill parent on the verge of suicide, with probably not a lot of love or hope to spare for their child, could be equally as traumatizing.

If I had to pick a stance, don't have kids if you're extremely mentally ill. But I understand shit happens. Sometimes it's an elderly parent or disabled sibling or fostered cousin, etc etc. Who just happens to depend on you, and it is what it is. I guess it all comes back to the age old debate about the presumed selfishness of suicide. Which is murky waters. But I do think trying to convince someone in that state to stay because it's "selfish" otherwise is probably not a great argument.

I often hear that they believe those in their life, especially their child, would be better off without them. So spitting rhetoric about responsibility is probably only going to further convince them that they're unfit of their role as a caregiver for even considering suicide in the first place. The spiral goes and goes and goes.

So my official take is who fucking knows. I'm not a parent and I'm barely an adult. I have people I love who I dread leaving behind, and no one will ever understand my decision but me. So I mind my business because in the end it's just too complicated and sad for me.