If I had access to a painless, guaranteed poison I would end this existence of futile, unneccessary suffering but of course I'm so cruelly denied that with the suffering and torture of existing seen as to force and prolong no matter what. I just always suffer so much from how I cannot just peacefully cease existing as all I hope for is an eternal dreamless sleep free from all cruelty and suffering where all is finally forgotten, as long as I exist I'll just wish to never wake ever again.