If You Are Ugly There Are Only 4 Kinds of Reactions You Can Get

[DesireDeath]

There are only 4 social responses from people towards those who are ugly. This is true in all cases, with exceptions in rare cases for direct family or childhood friends, even then the vast majority of them will treat you differently after your face turns ugly.

Ostracism: people reject interacting with and avoid you. This is common especially if you look scary.

Punching Down/Abusive Relationships: You are allowed into a group as a punching bag, you are constantly bullied, joked about, made fun of and never invited anywhere or included in most group activities unless you beg to be included. Individually, this applies to narcissistic people looking for someone who provides them narcissistic supply that they control and break down through manipulation and gaslighting. This is somewhat common, especially during childhood or teenage years when people are most social.

Pity/Virtue Signaling: In these cases they will pretend to be friends with you to show off how nice they are , this is rare even for severely deformed people. But realistically they don't like you and view you as inferior to them. They don't include you in most cases unless it somehow benefits them. They don't truly care about you and forget you with in a few days or dispose of you after they got the feeling of a being a good person or a boost to their reputation , you are just entertainment to them.

Bullying and ostracism without being tolerated: People generally avoid but occasionally insult you or treat you poorly for existing, generally true in work environments. This is most common.

 

[coolintheshade]

Yes....all these points are not exclusive to "being ugly", which is a subjective thing anyway i.e. one person's beauty is another person's weird looking. Bring race into this conversation and same points will apply

 

[Anhedoniac]

People like to pretend they're not shallow all the time, that they're non-judgmental and treat people fairly. But what people find attractive is not shaped solely by culture and society but rather what we find attractive is hardwired into our brains. Even a newborn knows when you're ugly before he can even utter "mama". That leads to people treating you differently by your appearance alone, and on the opposite side, it also means that people who are conventionally attractive can get away with a lot more than someone who's deemed unattractive. It's sad and hard to accept but attractive people have it a lot easier in every single manner

Yes....all these points are not exclusive to "being ugly", which is a subjective thing anyway i.e. one person's beauty is another person's weird looking. Bring race into this conversation and same points will apply

There's a degree of subjectivity in what people find attractive but certain traits are universally ugly. For example, a severely recessed chin. Most people will not find that attractive

 

[Flores de Abril]

Yes....all these points are not exclusive to "being ugly", which is a subjective thing anyway i.e. one person's beauty is another person's weird looking. Bring race into this conversation and same points will apply

That's true, sometimes it is not about being ugly but about people that are shy, don't have many social skills, etc. But it is not always true, I known a few people who I would consider "ugly" that have healthy relationships
It seems like you actually have been surounded by a lot of toxic people for quite some time, don't allow yourself to be the butt of their jokes, you may fell lonely for a while but you may find some people that truly appreciate you

 

[DesireDeath]

Yes....all these points are not exclusive to "being ugly", which is a subjective thing anyway i.e. one person's beauty is another person's weird looking. Bring race into this conversation and same points will apply

Attractivness is completely objective, every single person's face can be placed into one of 3 categories below average (ugly), average range or above average which everyone will universally agree on with limited difference of usually 1 point and at max 2, only whether someone's attracted to your face or not is subjective.

That's true, sometimes it is not about being ugly but about people that are shy, don't have many social skills, etc. But it is not always true, I known a few people who I would consider "ugly" that have healthy relationships
It seems like you actually have been surounded by a lot of toxic people for quite some time, don't allow yourself to be the butt of their jokes, you may fell lonely for a while but you may find some people that truly appreciate you

This is mostly untrue. Social skills only play a role when somebody is dead average looking, otherwise it's importance is greatly diminished by halo or deviled horns effect. Ugly people with good social skills are still ostracized and treated poorly, attractive people with no social skills still end up being accepted into social groups and treated normally or well. Exceptions are relatively rare and only occur within average range (4-6.5), someone who's above a 6.5 or below a 4 will have their looks make or break them, nobody will even consider their social skills or personality before completely rejecting them if they are ugly.

 

[Flores de Abril]

I disagre with you, it is true that first impressions are mostly based on apparences but once they settle in what counts most is how the person acts rather than how they look, it is true that people may give preference upon first meeting to better looking people but if the other person is more interesting it usually ends up with the other one receving more attention over time.
And also is not because the person is less than a "4" as you stated that they will not find friends that treat them with respect and consideration, and many people that are above "6.5" are known to be nearly unberable to some people.

 

[DesireDeath]

I disagre with you, it is true that first impressions are mostly based on apparences but once they settle in what counts most is how the person acts rather than how they look, it is true that people may give preference upon first meeting to better looking people but if the other person is more interesting it usually ends up with the other one receving more attention over time.
And also is not because the person is less than a "4" as you stated that they will not find friends that treat them with respect and consideration, and many people that are above "6.5" are known to be nearly unberable to some people.

Not true, most people will automatically reject and discard ugly people as soon as they see them. A few others will use them as a punching bag or rarely virtue signal and pretend to be their friend.

I have never seen a person below a 4 who had an active social life, generally they were treated like shit by everyone, even teachers, cashiers, stranger and the like, also from my own experience, but I have seen very ugly guys in my university who were treated worse than me for no reason apart from being ugly, generally they were all alone and never had anyone socialize with them. Even in many cases guys who are 4-5 aren't treated well and are usually excluded from the main group, which I saw at my workplace, women also ignore them or barely acknowledge them while orbiting guys who are above a 6.

 

[TapeMachine]

I've never selected friends based on how attractive they are/were. Some of my closest friends could perhaps have been considered "unattractive"? But I never felt that a person's face or body mattered; how were those things going to bond with me anyway?

But I'm not denying that there exist people who DO ostracize, abuse, pity, or bully others based on appearance. I avoid this shallow type of people at all costs.

If I've missed the point of the OP, I apologize. I've just awoken from a nap, and I'm not fully with it yet. :)

 

[DesireDeath]

I've never selected friends based on how attractive they are/were. Some of my closest friends could perhaps have been considered "unattractive"? But I never felt that a person's face or body mattered; how were those things going to bond with me anyway?

But I'm not denying that there exist people who DO ostracize, abuse, pity, or bully others based on appearance. I avoid this shallow type of people at all costs.

If I've missed the point of the OP, I apologize. I've just awoken from a nap, and I'm not fully with it yet. :)

There's normal levels of unattractive like between a 4 and 5 and then there are actually ugly people who are below a 4, I am willing to bet that you have never had friends who were genuinely ugly enough to get negative looks from people in public.

This is absolutely everyone, it's human nature to hate and mistreat those who are ugly. Some-times people are completely unaware of their own biases or they virtue signal and pretend to be accepting while being lookist.

 

[Sulyya]

I really curse nature's creations sometimes. From things like cancer or whatever as well as aspects of humanity like cruelty, including this. The thing is that pretty people can appreciate and love ugly people but you need to circumvent natural brain barriers that are involuntary. Depending on the person of course. I don't really know exactly, may involve getting to know one another personally first though, in a sensitive circumstance.

 

[Flores de Abril]

Not true, most people will automatically reject and discard ugly people as soon as they see them. A few others will use them as a punching bag or rarely virtue signal and pretend to be their friend.

I have never seen a person below a 4 who had an active social life, generally they were treated like shit by everyone, even teachers, cashiers, stranger and the like, also from my own experience, but I have seen very ugly guys in my university who were treated worse than me for no reason apart from being ugly, generally they were all alone and never had anyone socialize with them. Even in many cases guys who are 4-5 aren't treated well and are usually excluded from the main group, which I saw at my workplace, women also ignore them or barely acknowledge them while orbiting guys who are above a 6.

Well, I don't know where do you live OP but it seems to be a very judmental place and like, bullying like that in uni? That is some HS maturity levels there
At least from my observation what happens is not that, people choose to hang out with those they have fun with and form bonds, u don't form bonds based on peoples apparence
But I understand, after being rejected at face value what I assume most of their lifes people may be more socially awkward and have a harder time making friends, but if you see those 4 as your only options I'm sorry to tell you OP, but u need better friends

 

[Anhedoniac]

I don't know where do you live OP but it seems to be a very judmental place

I think we're all judgemental to some degree, no matter where in the world our nature will not deviate much. I consciously try to not be judgemental of people over something as vain as appearance but it takes effort.

I'm sorry to tell you OP, but u need better friends

That's unfortunately easier said than done. Nice, understanding friends don't fall out of trees (or do they?!) :-(

I really curse nature's creations sometimes. From things like cancer or whatever as well as aspects of humanity like cruelty, including this. The thing is that pretty people can appreciate and love ugly people but you need to circumvent natural brain barriers that are involuntary

All of society is full of shit. In every aspect of life you are supposed to conform and act the part with a smile on your face that it's all just gravy and rainbows. It makes me fucking sick.

 

[DesireDeath]

The thing is that pretty people can appreciate and love ugly people

Pretty people are the most entitled and narcissistic people on the planet, they absolutely can't love or appreciate ugly people, even other ugly people can't and don't.

Well, I don't know where do you live OP but it seems to be a very judmental place and like, bullying like that in uni? That is some HS maturity levels there
At least from my observation what happens is not that, people choose to hang out with those they have fun with and form bonds, u don't form bonds based on peoples apparence
But I understand, after being rejected at face value what I assume most of their lifes people may be more socially awkward and have a harder time making friends, but if you see those 4 as your only options I'm sorry to tell you OP, but u need better friends

This is gaslighting nonsense. I have seen and observed this all the time everywhere, also my face is deformity tier so your advice doesn't apply to me, it may apply to 4's but not fucking hideously deformed people.

That's unfortunately easier said than done. Nice, understanding friends don't fall out of trees (or do they?!) :-(

It's impossible to make friends who have seen your face if your face is extremely ugly and deformity tier like mine.

 

[Sulyya]

Pretty people are the most entitled and narcissistic people on the planet, they absolutely can't love or appreciate ugly people, even other ugly people can't and don't.

I'm not sure that's true in all cases. Certainly the stigma exists - inevitably and obviously based on looking at almost any society. Nevertheless it does happen. It takes honesty beyond what many people are capable of. Therefore it's so rare to see.

 

[Venus13]

Well, I don't know where do you live OP but it seems to be a very judmental place and like, bullying like that in uni? That is some HS maturity levels there
At least from my observation what happens is not that, people choose to hang out with those they have fun with and form bonds, u don't form bonds based on peoples apparence
But I understand, after being rejected at face value what I assume most of their lifes people may be more socially awkward and have a harder time making friends, but if you see those 4 as your only options I'm sorry to tell you OP, but u need better friends

Age doesn't matter. If you're bad enough looking you're dealing something beyond normal acceptable behavior. It very much so goes beyond age 14-22. It's actually more dangerous in older age. Now you're losing employment opportunities and adulthood makes forming new friendships hard for anyone, let alone deformed people.

People 100% choose and embrace people based on appearance, especially in employment and dating. This isn't an opinion, that's observable, studied, and well-known by now. It's going to be a challenge.

You're right that being ugly often diminishes a person from traumatic experiences and isolation, so they end up half the person they could have been.

I understand looks matter less with age and less attractive people can thrive in adulthood, but if you're dealing with a deformity or disfigurement you're actually not just ugly. There's a category beyond ugly. A lot of your humanity is lost here, it's a harsh fate.

As a disfigured person myself, I get mistreatment from 99% of people, sometimes brutally and often from strangers when I'm minding my own business, and I'm in my 30s. Sometimes 1% scope some sympathy out and treat me okay.

 

[TapeMachine]

There's normal levels of unattractive like between a 4 and 5 and then there are actually ugly people who are below a 4, I am willing to bet that you have never had friends who were genuinely ugly enough to get negative looks from people in public.

This is absolutely everyone, it's human nature to hate and mistreat those who are ugly. Some-times people are completely unaware of their own biases or they virtue signal and pretend to be accepting while being lookist.

Really? Why do you assume they'd be a "normal" 4/5? You make a lot of assumptions and then respond to my last comment with an angry emoji? What did I say that would illicit vitriol? What, my viewpoint that is not in accordance with your own? You clearly have your mind made up, so I have nothing left to say.

 

[DesireDeath]

Age doesn't matter. If you're bad enough looking you're dealing something beyond normal acceptable behavior. It very much so goes beyond age 14-22. It's actually more dangerous in older age. Now you're losing employment opportunities and adulthood makes forming new friendships hard for anyone, let alone deformed people.

People 100% choose and embrace people based on appearance, especially in employment and dating. This isn't an opinion, that's observable, studied, and well-known by now. It's going to be a challenge.

You're right that being ugly often diminishes a person from traumatic experiences and isolation, so they end up half the person they could have been.

I understand looks matter less with age and less attractive people can thrive in adulthood, but if you're dealing with a deformity or disfigurement you're actually not just ugly. There's a category beyond ugly. A lot of your humanity is lost here, it's a harsh fate.

As a disfigured person myself, I get mistreatment from 99% of people, sometimes brutally and often from strangers when I'm minding my own business, and I'm in my 30s. Sometimes 1% scope some sympathy out and treat me okay.

It never gets better for the hideously disfigured, it's even worse with a male face, nobody sympathizes with masculine ogre deformed faces or even feminine male faces, you never get pity. But it's infinitely worse with a masculine face since you are seen as a threat, as a criminal or aggressive even if you are the nicest person on the planet that wouldn't even harm a fly. Unironically the one good thing is some people are threatened by you and won't directly make fun of you or act aggressively, however you will be penalized harshly for anything you do and seen as stupid and impulsive even if you are not. The trainer at my last job didn't even train me on something because he assumed I was too stupid to learn it, even a manager admitted my performance was average. They thought I was super young based on my appearance too, for the record I am 25, but they thought I was 18 or 19 and surprised when I told them my age.

I have an online friend who's probably ugly based on how he's treated and says he looks feminine, never actually seen his pic, and he gets extreme aggression from people, like death stares and if he stares back they don't even look away, he's even had people challenge him to a fight, but that's in the military so it's an extreme case. Generally when I get death stares, even with a mask and hoodie, I stare back and people usually get nervous and look away though some will look at me for a long time generally tall and middle aged guys, it still doesn't stop people staring at me negatively when I am not looking or receiving cold and rude behavior from most people. I think if I lost some weight, I am only a little chubby, trimmed my neckbeard to expose my jawline, got a haircut and exposed my huge forehead, people would be more intimidated by me and probably stop staring at me and leave me alone, but I doubt fear would translate into respect.

Funny story one time in college, I was just walking around and some guy I had never seen before came up to me and asked me about the increased police activity or something, he automatically assumed I was a criminal based on my appearance and I would have knowledge of what's going on. Surprisingly I did have some second hand knowledge and he thanked me for the information. The negative part was when a security guard was staring at me for like 1 or 2 minutes, like he was keenly observing to make sure I wasn't up to something, while I was just walking around near my house. I eventually had to look away it made me feel a little sad, intimidated, but mostly just dehumanized. For the record, I don't have a criminal record and have never intended to commit a crime. Being masculine ugly just gets you profiled, I suppose people do assume I am fit for low class manual labor due to looking strong which I am really bad at due to clumsiness and feet issues, so I really don't live up to the way I look, especially since I consider myself to be feminine but ended up looking very masculine.

I'm not sure that's true in all cases. Certainly the stigma exists - inevitably and obviously based on looking at almost any society. Nevertheless it does happen. It takes honesty beyond what many people are capable of. Therefore it's so rare to see.

It's true, everyone hates ugly people and on average pretty people are more narcissistic and spoiled due to all the attention and validation they get, the idea of a pretty person befriending an ugly person and not using them as a punching bag or a prop to make them look even better is a complete joke, when even ugly people don't want to be associated with other ugly people.

 

[Venus13]

It never gets better for the hideously disfigured, it's even worse with a male face, nobody sympathizes with masculine ogre deformed faces or even feminine male faces, you never get pity. But it's infinitely worse with a masculine face since you are seen as a threat, as a criminal or aggressive even if you are the nicest person on the planet that wouldn't even harm a fly. Unironically the one good thing is some people are threatened by you and won't directly make fun of you or act aggressively, however you will be penalized harshly for anything you do and seen as stupid and impulsive even if you are not. The trainer at my last job didn't even train me on something because he assumed I was too stupid to learn it, even a manager admitted my performance was average. They thought I was super young based on my appearance too, for the record I am 25, but they thought I was 18 or 19 and surprised when I told them my age.

I have an online friend who's probably ugly based on how he's treated and says he looks feminine, never actually seen his pic, and he gets extreme aggression from people, like death stares and if he stares back they don't even look away, he's even had people challenge him to a fight, but that's in the military so it's an extreme case. Generally when I get death stares, even with a mask and hoodie, I stare back and people usually get nervous and look away though some will look at me for a long time generally tall and middle aged guys, it still doesn't stop people staring at me negatively when I am not looking or receiving cold and rude behavior from most people. I think if I lost some weight, I am only a little chubby, trimmed my neckbeard to expose my jawline, got a haircut and exposed my huge forehead, people would be more intimidated by me and probably stop staring at me and leave me alone, but I doubt fear would translate into respect.

Funny story one time in college, I was just walking around and some guy I had never seen before came up to me and asked me about the increased police activity or something, he automatically assumed I was a criminal based on my appearance and I would have knowledge of what's going on. Surprisingly I did have some second hand knowledge and he thanked me for the information. The negative part was when a security guard was staring at me for like 1 or 2 minutes, like he was keenly observing to make sure I wasn't up to something, while I was just walking around near my house. I eventually had to look away it made me feel a little sad, intimidated, but mostly just dehumanized. For the record, I don't have a criminal record and have never intended to commit a crime. Being masculine ugly just gets you profiled, I suppose people do assume I am fit for low class manual labor due to looking strong which I am really bad at due to clumsiness and feet issues, so I really don't live up to the way I look, especially since I consider myself to be feminine but ended up looking very masculine.

I'm in the people don't look away category haha. It's a strange experience, like they're looking at an unsightly object, not a person.

Usually a comment saying you look younger is a compliment. That's really interesting. I think people just assume my life is diminished and sad, which it is. I never thought about the profiling issue for men. You must have a certain look for those experiences, rather than looking frail or vulnerable.