Venting If I were sheepish and shy and did what I was told and got a job I would still be suicidal

[ultrasharpy123456]

If I hadn't fought back and found everyone as an enemy, if only I got a job even at a convenience store in 2014 I wouldn't have gotten into the arguments I gotten into. And I wouldn't have done all the stupid shit I did.

But I would still be suicidal.

And I fear what happens after death if anything happens at all. And I fear not being able to drink my SN in peace. It's making me feel anxious. I gotta find a way out here.

 

[アホペンギン]

Many people believe that one step towards "recovery" means that you will suddenly stop being suicidal or whatever. That is just false hope, it takes such a long time to recover and even then after all those efforts you are still at square one.

Sorry it had to be this way for you, though. There is a chance to recover but it is honestly very hard, many factors of your life must change for everything to suddenly be better and have yourself shape up and start thinking about living but even then, it is hard. Hopefully you manage to find peace someday, best wishes.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Many people believe that one step towards "recovery" means that you will suddenly stop being suicidal or whatever. That is just false hope, it takes such a long time to recover and even then after all those efforts you are still at square one.

Sorry it had to be this way for you, though. There is a chance to recover but it is honestly very hard, many factors of your life must change for everything to suddenly be better and have yourself shape up and start thinking about living but even then, it is hard. Hopefully you manage to find peace someday, best wishes.

Thank you. I was just in the bathroom thinking over my life and all the horrible choices I made and awful things I've done. I keep thinking if I had just bought the shotgun with money I earned from upwork... and I keep thinking even if I did everything I was supposed to I would have failed college or dropped out. At least I would have had a job but even then to what end? I'd need money to survive and I thank god I live with my mom still because I'd never make it out there.

If only I was more like a robot and didn't let my fear and my emotions and social anxiety get the better of me my life would have been different.

 

[アホペンギン]

Thank you. I was just in the bathroom thinking over my life and all the horrible choices I made and awful things I've done. I keep thinking if I had just bought the shotgun with money I earned from upwork... and I keep thinking even if I did everything I was supposed to I would have failed college or dropped out. At least I would have had a job but even then to what end? I'd need money to survive and I thank god I live with my mom still because I'd never make it out there.

If only I was more like a robot and didn't let my fear and my emotions and social anxiety get the better of me my life would have been different.

Also, don't be sad about those choices you made, it is best to try and direct your mind away from them and if that is also not possible then try whatever you can to improve yourself. And like I said, if nothing like that works then you can do what you feel is best for you next.

Its okay, everyone can handle things at different degrees. You shouldn't expect something from yourself that would be hard for you to do even if you tried your best. The best thing to do is try to recover and if you can't do so, then the next choice is completely up to you to make.