Venting if i were a real girl

[lanadelreyisgod223]

If i were a real girl, i could go outside and wear whatever i wanted without feeling like a tall disgusting broad man cross dressing in women's clothes. i wouldn't have to see my disgustingly large hands and feet everyday. i could look in the mirror and see someone i actually like, not a disgusting ogre crossdresser looking back at me. my presence is inherently predatory and repulsive. i wouldn't have to pretend to not see the looks of disgust from strangers. i wouldn't have to tell myself that they aren't staring, whispering, and laughing. people wouldn't scream f@ggot at me. my family wouldn't have to be uncomfortable every time i'm around them, they wouldn't have to play pretend with my delusions. everyday i wonder why i was cursed with this body and life, what does anyone do to deserve this? it all feels like a cruel joke. i have to constantly lie to myself and pretend i'm okay, when all i want to do is rip my skin and body into shreds, until there's nothing left of me.

 

[COP2CON]

I'm so sorry your treated this way. Its unfortunately so common for so many. I don't have many words for you other than your beautiful and there is nothing wrong with trying to express yourself, your feelings, and your identity. I heard this from someone and it really lasted for me. One can be straight but not narrow. Just because someone experiences life differently does not mean that person should be put down. Open minds and open hearts can do a lot of good. I'm sorry for how you feel, its not right. I am the demographic that perpetuates a lot of this hate, a former cop where it was and is unaccepted, a current prisoner where it is also unaccepted, from a home where it was unaccepted. If I can open my mind and be accepting then literally anyone can. Remember, most of the people putting you down are the ones who are truly weak and will lead unfulfilling lives because of how narrow their minds are. Again your beautiful and you matter. I hope one day you find a place where you can see and feel that. I'm sorry if I got preachy.... I've become really bothered with society lately.

 

[doomedbynarrative]

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I'm not trans but I am queer and have many good friends who are trans. Mostly trans women. Gender dysphoria can be a real bitch and society is so hostile to trans folk but especially trans women. It isn't fair and I wish we lived in a world that allowed you to be who you are and didn't judge or harass you based on how well you "pass" for a cis woman.

You deserve to feel safe and loved and if I could jump through the screen to give you a hug I would.

 

[lanadelreyisgod223]

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I'm not trans but I am queer and have many good friends who are trans. Mostly trans women. Gender dysphoria can be a real bitch and society is so hostile to trans folk but especially trans women. It isn't fair and I wish we lived in a world that allowed you to be who you are and didn't judge or harass you based on how well you "pass" for a cis woman.

You deserve to feel safe and loved and if I could jump through the screen to give you a hug I would.
Thank you dear, this is very kind of you. i would love a hug so much! i agree, it is very hard and i ultimately just wish i could pass as a cis woman without being a 5'11 freak with huge hands and feet.

i

I'm so sorry your treated this way. Its unfortunately so common for so many. I don't have many words for you other than your beautiful and there is nothing wrong with trying to express yourself, your feelings, and your identity. I heard this from someone and it really lasted for me. One can be straight but not narrow. Just because someone experiences life differently does not mean that person should be put down. Open minds and open hearts can do a lot of good. I'm sorry for how you feel, its not right. I am the demographic that perpetuates a lot of this hate, a former cop where it was and is unaccepted, a current prisoner where it is also unaccepted, from a home where it was unaccepted. If I can open my mind and be accepting then literally anyone can. Remember, most of the people putting you down are the ones who are truly weak and will lead unfulfilling lives because of how narrow their minds are. Again your beautiful and you matter. I hope one day you find a place where you can see and feel that. I'm sorry if I got preachy.... I've become really bothered with society lately.

appreciate this thank u xx

 

[jengablocks]

some of your words resonate so much that it hurts.. the entire world being against you, your own body included, isn't something anyone can cope with, i think. it's such a uniquely horrifying experience. reading "inherently predatory" cuts to the core of my being, i know that feeling so much.

i wish i could send u the love & care that you need. u deserve so much better than this

 

[lanadelreyisgod223]

some of your words resonate so much that it hurts.. the entire world being against you, your own body included, isn't something anyone can cope with, i think. it's such a uniquely horrifying experience. reading "inherently predatory" cuts to the core of my being, i know that feeling so much.

i wish i could send u the love & care that you need. u deserve so much better than this

we both deserve so much better than this. i'm sorry that you can relate to this so much. it's so cruel and everyone punishes us for it, as if it's something within our control. many of them would rather us be dead than publicly existent. it's so unfair and cruel. we don't deserve any of it.

 

[SatinSoul]

I really wanted to add to the kind things @COP2CON said, because while it is true that the world can be narrow, I know that doesn't always make the mirror any easier to look at. That feeling of wanting to rip yourself apart is a debilitating thought to carry every day, and I want you to know that it is okay to feel that grief and that exhaustion. You aren't playing pretend by wanting to be comfortable and happy. You are just trying to find a version of yourself that feels like home.

One thing that helps me when the world feels predatory or disgusting is remembering that most people are the protagonists of their own very boring movies. Most people on the street aren't staring or whispering because they are actually too busy worrying about their own bills, their own bad hair days, or what they're making for dinner. We often feel like there is a spotlight on us, but in reality, most strangers are just NPCs in their own lives who forget everyone they pass within thirty seconds.

You aren't repulsive, and your presence isn't predatory. You're just a person in a lot of pain trying to survive a situation that feels like a cruel joke. You deserve to exist without being your own harshest judge. The world is a lot bigger than the small-minded people who have made you feel this way.

Pssst: LGBT groups are worth a shot checking out if you need IRL company. They are usually very welcoming. There are also lots of queer dating apps floating around nowadays.

 

[lanadelreyisgod223]

I really wanted to add to the kind things @COP2CON said, because while it is true that the world can be narrow, I know that doesn't always make the mirror any easier to look at. That feeling of wanting to rip yourself apart is a debilitating thought to carry every day, and I want you to know that it is okay to feel that grief and that exhaustion. You aren't playing pretend by wanting to be comfortable and happy. You are just trying to find a version of yourself that feels like home.

One thing that helps me when the world feels predatory or disgusting is remembering that most people are the protagonists of their own very boring movies. Most people on the street aren't staring or whispering because they are actually too busy worrying about their own bills, their own bad hair days, or what they're making for dinner. We often feel like there is a spotlight on us, but in reality, most strangers are just NPCs in their own lives who forget everyone they pass within thirty seconds.

You aren't repulsive, and your presence isn't predatory. You're just a person in a lot of pain trying to survive a situation that feels like a cruel joke. You deserve to exist without being your own harshest judge. The world is a lot bigger than the small-minded people who have made you feel this way.

Pssst: LGBT groups are worth a shot checking out if you need IRL company. They are usually very welcoming. There are also lots of queer dating apps floating around nowadays.

thank you so much dear <3 <3