If I kill myself will my boyfriend ever heal from it?

[sohopelessandempty]

I really don't want to hurt him, I know everyone is different but for anyone here who has experienced this, does the pain ever go away? Will he ever get over it? I don't want to leave him heartbroken forever. He really loves me. And I love him too much to die if it means he'll never be okay again.

 

[ilovenewyork]

He'll think about you every day for the rest of his life. No he won't be Ok

 

[TheMadmanJL]

I would like to think that he would miss the hell out of you, tbh there is no way of really knowing.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

He'll think about you every day for the rest of his life. No he won't be Ok

But we are 18, he has the rest of his life ahead of him. Are you sure he won't get over me? There's plenty of fish in the sea.

I would like to think that he would miss the hell out of you, tbh there is no way of really knowing.

I know. I know because he shows me with his actions, with his love and care. He said that if I was happy, he would never be sad again. He said he wants me to get better and be happy :(

 

[iwanttodie019]

whi

But we are 18, he has the rest of his life ahead of him. Are you sure he won't get over me? There's plenty of fish in the sea.

I know. I know because he shows me with his actions, with his love and care. He said that if I was happy, he would never be sad again. He said he wants me to get better and be happy :(

which country,if you do not mind me asking?

 

[TheMadmanJL]

But we are 18, he has the rest of his life ahead of him. Are you sure he won't get over me? There's plenty of fish in the sea.

I know. I know because he shows me with his actions, with his love and care. He said that if I was happy, he would never be sad again. He said he wants me to get better and be happy :(

Yeah you're still young yet, he sounds like a good dude. Try out life for awhile, and if life isnt your cup of tea then well I hope that you find the peace you're looking for!

 

[sohopelessandempty]

whi

which country,if you do not mind me asking?

I don't feel comfortable giving out that info sorry. Just curious, why does it matter what country I'm in?

 

[matheush]

I have the same problem as you, if I would do this his heart will break, so my tactics is to become distant to him so he won't suffer so much, I know is cruel but I think it is better for him to have this cold memory of me than to think that he lost love of his life.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Yeah you're still young yet, he sounds like a good dude. Try out life for awhile, and if life isnt your cup of tea then well I hope that you find the peace you're looking for!

I already have tried, I've felt this way since I was 11. I don't think life is for me. I just don't want to hurt him, he means the world to me.

I have the same problem as you, if I would do this his heart will break, so my tactics is to become distant to him so he won't suffer so much, I know is cruel but I think it is better for him to have this cold memory of me than to think that he lost love of his life.

I don't want to be cold to him either. If I ever ctb, it would be the day after we hang out one last time. I don't want to ruin a perfectly good relationship, I want to feel his love in my heart until my very last days. I don't want him to see this coming, or to notice any signs. I won't show any.

 

[Alpacachino]

To be honest, almost all people will move on. It will be really hard on him. He'll be depressed etc, but he'll get over it eventually.

 

[ilovenewyork]

But we are 18, he has the rest of his life ahead of him. Are you sure he won't get over me? There's plenty of fish in the sea.

Yes but you're his fish. People get very attached. He won't get over it. Always wondering what he could've done differently and what you two would have become. Maybe you would have had a family

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Yes but you're his fish. People get very attached. He won't get over it. Always wondering what he could've done differently and what you two would have become. Maybe you would have had a family

In my suicide note I made sure to say that it's not his fault. Because it isn't, he really does bring me joy and makes me see the light inside this darkness. But I'm just in too much pain. In my note(haven't given this to him yet, I'm not even sure if I'll ctb, just writing the notes to be prepared) I made it very clear that there is nothing he could've done to stop me, and not to beat himself up, wondering "what if" this and that. That he did all he could, and that even though he can't stop me from committing suicide, he pushed that date farther and farther away. It feels like my suicide is inevitable, and a matter of when instead of if. He changed the when to be much farther away than it would be if we had never met.

To be honest, almost all people will move on. It will be really hard on him. He'll be depressed etc, but he'll get over it eventually.

This is what I'm hoping for. If I knew this, it would be much easier to go through with it, I'm just scared of hurting him, especially permanently. If I could predict the future and see that he moves on and goes on to live a happy life, then I'd be able to ctb, but I can't see the future. What if I leave a hole in his heart that will never be filled? I don't want to leave him in pain. I don't want to put someone else in pain just because of my own pain. And I would really miss him if I ctb :(

Yes but you're his fish. People get very attached. He won't get over it. Always wondering what he could've done differently and what you two would have become. Maybe you would have had a family

We plan to get married in a couple years, I really
believe we have a bright future together. I'm just not sure if I can handle this pain for that long. It's not his fault. He didn't do anything that caused this, my brain is all messed up. I grew up abused and it was all downhill from there.

 

[ilovenewyork]

How about getting some therapy? You can always go back to your old plan if it doesn't work out. What have you got to lose?

You know you could be missing out on a really special pleasant future. Why let one problem derail your plans? Sometimes all you need is to take a pill in the morning and these feelings will go away.

Maybe do it for him. Because the truth is he won't recover if you die and will be sad the rest of his days

 

[sohopelessandempty]

How about getting some therapy? You can always go back to your old plan if it doesn't work out. What have you got to lose?

You know you could be missing out on a really special pleasant future. Why let one problem derail your plans? Sometimes all you need is to take a pill in the morning and these feelings will go away.

Maybe do it for him. Because the truth is he won't recover if you die and will be sad the rest of his days

I'm already in therapy. Trying meds soon hopefully but it probably won't help. Nothing could make this pain go away, it's not just one problem, it's a million reasons that life is so agonizing and painful. But I'll stay if leaving means he'll be sad for the rest of his days like you said.

 

[not yet]

If the love between you two is truly that strong, it will be incredibly difficult for him to recover. A soulmate isn't like a fish you can catch; finding one is the greatest stroke of luck. It would be sad if your future was ruined, even from the perspective of a stranger like me. Although at the same time, I can't be sure how much of a part of his life you are and how much he values the uniqueness of your existence

 

[rs929]

I think nobody really knows how it will impact him long term.

 

[gunmetalblue11]

He'll most likely never forget you. He'll die a lot to have lived a little with you.
But in the end, if you can accept and grieve that possible outcome for him, I wish you peace in whatever decision you chose.

 

[Frxtagooox]

I'm really glad you said this out loud. It shows how deeply you care and how conflicted you're feeling.
I want to be very clear and gentle with you.

People who lose someone they love to suicide don't just "get over it." Many do keep living, and some do heal in certain ways, but the loss usually stays with them for life. It often changes who they are, how they love, how safe the world feels. Partners especially tend to carry a lot of unanswered questions and guilt, even when it wasn't their fault. The pain doesn't disappear; it just gets carried.

And the fact that you're worrying about him right now tells me something important: your life matters to him, and it matters in ways that can't be replaced. If staying alive feels hard, staying alive for now because of love is still a real and valid reason.

I also want to say this:
The part of you that thinks about hurting yourself isn't you wanting to die, it's you wanting the pain to stop. Those are not the same thing.

You don't have to decide anything about the future today. You only have to get through this moment safely.

If calling feels like too much, could you message your boyfriend, a close friend, or a family member and just say:

"I'm not okay and I need you right now."

You don't have to explain everything.

Let me ask you one important question, and you can answer honestly:
Are you safe right now, or are you feeling at risk of hurting yourself in this moment?

I'm here with you. You're not weak for feeling this way, and you're not a burden for needing help.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

No , leaving a significant other will forever change them .... it's happened 3 times to me and I've been in and out of the hospital for years with failed attempts.

My advice would be to address this directly with him...

 

[sohopelessandempty]

If the love between you two is truly that strong, it will be incredibly difficult for him to recover. A soulmate isn't like a fish you can catch; finding one is the greatest stroke of luck. It would be sad if your future was ruined, even from the perspective of a stranger like me. Although at the same time, I can't be sure how much of a part of his life you are and how much he values the uniqueness of your existence

I won't do it then. I choose to keep living, I love him too much to make him suffer.

No , leaving a significant other will forever change them .... it's happened 3 times to me and I've been in and out of the hospital for years with failed attempts.

My advice would be to address this directly with him...

No, I already know what he'll say. I've just been in a lot of pain. I won't do it, I don't want him to be scarred forever.

 

[ipmanwc0]

There is no such thing as a soulmate, it's actually a harmful idea. Anyone can be special to you, so long as you decide that they are.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

There is no such thing as a soulmate, it's actually a harmful idea. Anyone can be special to you, so long as you decide that they are.

Agree to disagree. I think soulmates are real, but not always in the way they're portrayed in movies and such. And you're right that anyone can be special to someone, if they decide that person is.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

He'll most likely never forget you. He'll die a lot to have lived a little with you.
But in the end, if you can accept and grieve that possible outcome for him, I wish you peace in whatever decision you chose.

I realized I probably can't accept that outcome. So I'm going to live, and I'm going to try and get help.

 

[mychois]

I really don't want to hurt him, I know everyone is different but for anyone here who has experienced this, does the pain ever go away? Will he ever get over it? I don't want to leave him heartbroken forever. He really loves me. And I love him too much to die if it means he'll never be okay again.

Sweetie, it appears that you already have the answer. I hate to say this, but the cruel fact is you can't have both ends of the world.

 

[bunn]

i mean everyones different and it kinda depends on how long you two had been together and how much he loves you etc but i think he wouldnt get over it
like breaking up is one thing but suicide- he would be depressed and wouldnt forget about it for the rest of his life probably
like it would be hard to forget a partner who killed themselves, you can forget who broke up w u but not who died you know
and the way its a suicide would sadden him more cause he would think i couldnt help my partner and they took their life etc ettcc
i dont know if it makes sense but yeah

 

[JassieDusk]

I realized I probably can't accept that outcome. So I'm going to live, and I'm going to try and get help.

Look my dear, suicide is something you go through with as a last resort, when you've been sure for a long time that there's nothing which could possibly make your life worth living.
The fact how much you love your partner and that you're willing to try for him is reason enough to leave your plan to ctb aside for now.
People who are certain about death don't have a reason they think is worth to stay.
I would hate if you made an impulsive decision which would ruin all your chances to experience a good life.

 

[Unlucky777]

It will traumatize him forever. He'll never fully get over it. He'll eventually move on but he will always wonder what he could have done better, it he could see the signs, what he could have done to prevent it

I don't think it will ever go away completely for anyone who's left behind as a person affected by ctb

 

[TheCavernousDeep.]

I lost a partner to suicide. It's been years but I'm still haunted. Idk how much this will or should affect your decision, but at least for me, no I didn't get over it. Maybe things would be different for him, but at the end of the day, he loves you, he trusts you, and you're about to break his heart. Wether he puts back the pieces again, I think no one can really say.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Look my dear, suicide is something you go through with as a last resort, when you've been sure for a long time that there's nothing which could possibly make your life worth living.
The fact how much you love your partner and that you're willing to try for him is reason enough to leave your plan to ctb aside for now.
People who are certain about death don't have a reason they think is worth to stay.
I would hate if you made an impulsive decision which would ruin all your chances to experience a good life.

Thank you this is very sweet. It wouldn't be an impulsive decision for me, it's just difficult either way. I can't tell if the pain of hurting him and never seeing him again is worse than the pain of being alive.

I lost a partner to suicide. It's been years but I'm still haunted. Idk how much this will or should affect your decision, but at least for me, no I didn't get over it. Maybe things would be different for him, but at the end of the day, he loves you, he trusts you, and you're about to break his heart. Wether he puts back the pieces again, I think no one can really say.

I'm sorry that happened to you. May I ask how old you are? My boyfriend and I are only 18, which makes me think if I were to ctb it would be easier for him to heal than if we were older. He'd have more time, his whole life ahead of him.

It will traumatize him forever. He'll never fully get over it. He'll eventually move on but he will always wonder what he could have done better, it he could see the signs, what he could have done to prevent it

I don't think it will ever go away completely for anyone who's left behind as a person affected by ctb

Even if I make sure to write in my suicide note that it's not his fault and there was nothing he could've done to stop me? Even if I make it clear I hid the signs on purpose so it's not his fault for missing them?

i mean everyones different and it kinda depends on how long you two had been together and how much he loves you etc but i think he wouldnt get over it
like breaking up is one thing but suicide- he would be depressed and wouldnt forget about it for the rest of his life probably
like it would be hard to forget a partner who killed themselves, you can forget who broke up w u but not who died you know
and the way its a suicide would sadden him more cause he would think i couldnt help my partner and they took their life etc ettcc
i dont know if it makes sense but yeah

It's not his fault though. I'd make sure to tell him it's not his fault. We've been together for a year and a few months, if that information is helpful at all.

Sweetie, it appears that you already have the answer. I hate to say this, but the cruel fact is you can't have both ends of the world.

I can't stand being alive though. It's torture and I don't want to suffer forever.

I'm really glad you said this out loud. It shows how deeply you care and how conflicted you're feeling.
I want to be very clear and gentle with you.

People who lose someone they love to suicide don't just "get over it." Many do keep living, and some do heal in certain ways, but the loss usually stays with them for life. It often changes who they are, how they love, how safe the world feels. Partners especially tend to carry a lot of unanswered questions and guilt, even when it wasn't their fault. The pain doesn't disappear; it just gets carried.

And the fact that you're worrying about him right now tells me something important: your life matters to him, and it matters in ways that can't be replaced. If staying alive feels hard, staying alive for now because of love is still a real and valid reason.

I also want to say this:
The part of you that thinks about hurting yourself isn't you wanting to die, it's you wanting the pain to stop. Those are not the same thing.

You don't have to decide anything about the future today. You only have to get through this moment safely.

If calling feels like too much, could you message your boyfriend, a close friend, or a family member and just say:

"I'm not okay and I need you right now."

You don't have to explain everything.

Let me ask you one important question, and you can answer honestly:
Are you safe right now, or are you feeling at risk of hurting yourself in this moment?

I'm here with you. You're not weak for feeling this way, and you're not a burden for needing help.

Thank you, this means a lot to me. I'm safe right now, if I were to ctb it would be in a few months, not anytime soon. I'd need lots of time to plan and mentally prepare. I miss him but can't see him often due to strict parents(I'm 18 but they're controlling and toxic, and I can't afford to move out. I don't have a car either.)

 

[(Alex)]

My girlfriend broke up with me on good terms so I know it's not my fault by any means that was 2 years ago we were 20 years old at that time and I still think about her every day LITERALLY, she didn't cbt I believe she is having a good life which makes me happy but also depressed that I can't talk to her anymore I loved her more than anything and I mean that literally, since then I was going to therapy so imagine what would happen to me if I knew she ctb... I know everyone is different but I thought I would give you my experience which might help answering your question, sorry if my reply is unrelated I somehow find it related.