If I die maybe there'll finally be justice.

[anopenwound]

There's no chance anything I've been through my entire life will ever be addressed.
The way my family abused me. The way my partners treated me. The way I've been treated, my entire life.
So what I'm thinking is: I already wanna die. I'm tired of life. I'm gonna be fucked soon. But I'll have some time to plan my death.
So maybe I can write it down. I can finally say "this is unfair. This world is so cruel". And somebody will listen.

I don't care about life getting better anymore 'cause it just doesn't. Everything gets worse and worse and worse. I hate that my friends or people in general say that everything happens for a reason. That you don't know what's gonna happen and that when God closes a door opens a window. Look around you. Does it look like it's true? People in Palestine and Ukraine are still dying. What could you tell to a dying kid that didn't even have a chance to see their dreams come true, to have dreams to begin with, to just get their most basic needs met? It's fucked up, it's disgusting, and I don't believe it for a second. Not anymore.
All these fucked up things we tell people to make them hang in there even when they go through the hardest of all times to receive nothing in return other than more suffering and then death... they're all cruel. It's cruel to make someone believe they have a chance when they don't.

I don't have a chance. People tell me I do 'cause I'm strong and creative, but none of them know how bad this feels. This is literal hell. Everyday is hell. There's just pain, pain, pain, and life never gets easier and I get better at managing it, but so far I haven't gotten better at feeling joy. There's no joy left in my life anymore. Just sorrow. Heartbreak. Injustice.

At this point I don't only wanna die, I NEED to die. 'Cause maybe then people will listen. 'Cause then I won't have to read anymore how the people that killed me inside are so good and cool. 'Cause then people will know that I was raised by horrible people and that this, all of this, is the byproduct of a society that prioritized profit and greed over people's lives. I don't matter. Whatever people say I have and can do is worthless 'cause I can't feel good. I just wanna scream until my soul disappears. I wanna leave this world and leave no trace other than a screaming echo. I just want the pain to stop, forever.

God, if you're there please give the world a break and let me die, please, I can't keep doing this. Life is too horrible. I'm not interested. I just wanna leave. I'm sorry I'm not as strong as everybody thinks. I can't bear listening to them telling me that I'll land on my feet. I hate every minute and second of this. I just wanna disappear from everybody's life and memory and have justice.

I'm tired. I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired. I can't do this anymore.

 

[soonnotkoei]

the fact that you have to kill yourself to make your voice heard is one hell of a cruel rule. this is just sad. i wish nothing but peace upon you OP.

 

[Namelesa]

I agree with all of this. Life is just so difficult and I honestly don't want to keep on living but I continue it mostly cus other people want me to and I literally don't have access to much methods. Its understandable to want to die to end your own suffering and to use it as a way to bring some sort of justice and tell a message to the people who have wronged you. I want use my suicide as revenge against my family for trapping me and making my life worse and written in my note how I want them to suffer from my death but I don't know if they will ever fully understand me and my views as people are so deep into believing pro-life ideologies and are so selfish that they don't care about what harm they put you and/or us through. I am so sorry.

Also both of us having basil profile pictures, very good

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I wish this would be the case, I really do. However, unfortunately it wouldn't be the case as a harsh truth about reality is that most people do not care. Most people only really care about themselves or their loved ones and nothing more. They unfortunately wouldn't care about suicidal people or why a suicidal person has killed themselves (aside from trying to prevent them from killing themselves but even then they only care about preserving a life rather than the quality of that life). There wouldn't be any justice unfortunately as people do not give a shit. This is the cruel world that we live in but, as you rightfully acknowledged in your post, this world is cruel. You deserve better, you deserve your justice but unfortunately there won't ever be any justice

 

[anopenwound]

I wish this would be the case, I really do. However, unfortunately it wouldn't be the case as a harsh truth about reality is that most people do not care. Most people only really care about themselves or their loved ones and nothing more. They unfortunately wouldn't care about suicidal people or why a suicidal person has killed themselves (aside from trying to prevent them from killing themselves but even then they only care about preserving a life rather than the quality of that life). There wouldn't be any justice unfortunately as people do not give a shit. This is the cruel world that we live in but, as you rightfully acknowledged in your post, this world is cruel. You deserve better, you deserve your justice but unfortunately there won't ever be any justice

You're probably right. But it's the only chance I got. And I still wanna die, so.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

You're probably right. But it's the only chance I got. And I still wanna die, so.

Then I hope that you find peace soon, best of luck

 

[anopenwound]

the fact that you have to kill yourself to make your voice heard is one hell of a cruel rule. this is just sad. i wish nothing but peace upon you OP.

nobody would ever listen to the cr4zy tr4nny with bpd.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's just so horrible to me how there's all this extreme cruelty and suffering in existing, it sounds like you've suffered a lot, I just wish to be free from it all as well. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.

 

[human909]

i also think for me that there will be justice when i leave, no more worrying about me who has severe social anxiety with intrusive thoughts. It doesn't matter for me though since i hate life so i will finally be at peace.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

The only way any justice will get served on this planet is if a football stadium-sized asteroid hits it.

 

[G000pie]

I don't think there will ever be justice. There's just too much corruption, too much cruelty, too much hate and suffering. I used to believe there was hope, I'd kick and scream and claw my way through every day just for the vague idea that maybe things would be better. This election was my last chance at a semblance of a decent life, and that was stripped away from me by all the people who voted for a fascist. I regret not freezing myself last year like I'd planned to. As soon as I get a gun, it's lights out. I'm out of fucks to give. Let the world burn.