Venting Idk what to do

[guineapiglover8503]

Half of the time I feel like CTB is the only option and I crave it more than anything. Sometimes in that time I don't even trust myself driving bc I want to unbuckle and floor it into a wall. However, the other half, I am either indifferent about dying or am happy to be alive. This fluctuation can happen like once a day at the most frequent and I don't know what to do. My goal right now is to make it though at least a year of college and see what I think but idrk if I can make it past then

 

[Ozzyno]

Why do you feel like this? Have you lost hope in something? Don't you have a dream?

 

[wondering&wandering]

Half of the time I feel like CTB is the only option and I crave it more than anything. Sometimes in that time I don't even trust myself driving bc I want to unbuckle and floor it into a wall. However, the other half, I am either indifferent about dying or am happy to be alive. This fluctuation can happen like once a day at the most frequent and I don't know what to do. My goal right now is to make it though at least a year of college and see what I think but idrk if I can make it past then

I feel the same way honestly. It's like I'm sitting on the fence staring and contemplating the options of dying or living, and feeling stuck.

Trying out college sounds like a good idea. I was in it during Covid, which was very isolating and ended my small social life I had. I hope you can find friends there.

Also, if you happen to want to talk about how you're feeling (since I know these feelings of ctb and uncertainty can be overwhelming) feel free to PM me. Regardless, I wish you peace!

 

[maniac116]

I'm sorry you're feeling torn like that!
I feel that way too.
After thinking it through I believe it's not my time now & would think it's not your time either. I think if you aren't 110% ready then it's not time. Not yet. Maybe hang around a while.
BTW I'm a guinea pig lover too!
I have 2 girls that I adore.
I hope you're able to find some peace