Venting idk what to do

[LowlyBoy]

I don't know what to do. I desperately want to ctb. I'm planning on doing it in August.

But it would wreck my mother and sister. My mother already lost her father to suicide, and my sister isn't in a good place at all. I'm one of her only support systems. I wish I never existed so they wouldn't have to feel pain. I really do. I want everybody to forget about me. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to have my sister ctb. My god. I don't want to leave my cats here, either.

I'm really, really conflicted. I really wish I would've never been born so no one would have to be traumatized by my death. I didn't ask to be fucking put here. And i can't even leave because then I would be leaving my cats and my mom and sister devastated. I don't want to be here anymore.

This fucking sucks. I can't tell my therapist about this, either, because she'll try to convince me not to do it. I don't want her in the way if I'm actually going to do this. I'm done being told what to do with my life.

I just don't know what to do with my mom and sister and cats. I wish I could just wave some magic dust on them so they won't feel anything when I'm gone.

 

[befree]

May I ask if you are 18 or older ?

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally wish that nobody would force life here so that nobody would have to suffer through death and loss which is inevitable as long as one exists here. There really is too much suffering in existing and that does sound like a difficult situation to be in, it would be cruel expecting someone to stay here and suffer against their wishes, none of us are obligated to continue but anyway it's always a personal decision deciding what to do, best wishes.