idk what my brain is doing

[imhereiguess]

some days i dont wanna be here
some days im fine
some days im in the middle, fine one minutes and not fine at all the next

i take lexapro, 10mg
i see a therapist about every other week, but i find it difficult to talk to her,, to properly communicate how i feel so i dont bother

my current hobby is crocheting
some days i dont feel like doing it at all, so i lay in bed and watch instagram

a girl at my school CTB this past school year, sometimes i think of doing the same
the aura of everyones grief was suffocating i dont want to put people through that again
but then again, she was popular
pretty
smart
funny
yk?

i have a job
i wash dishes
its okay
i like my coworkers theyre all really nice

i also have a boyfriend
i know he wouldnt be able to handle if i CTB
sometimes hes the only thing keeping me from doing that

i dont really know how i would go about doing it
i dont know what i have access to

sorry for the rant
i dont know what to think anymore