I've only posted a few times, I had an account I couldn't remember that the other times were posted.
It's time, resources are limited and if I've read right this may even be deleted for what I'm asking. I don't want to cause trouble but I have no other options but here to ask.
I'm alone literally. I've gotten myself in a situation where I have let myself become so socially isolated other than my emotionally abusive SO. I have no family, no friends, no one. My SO, that's it and I can't do it. I dont even work anymore because when I did and had some sense of identity I got laid off. When that happened many moons ago in the great recession, yes all the way in 2009, I let myself get beat down mentally in the 2-year time of unemployment by my SO. I got a job while receiving unemployment, it paid less than unemployment but obviously unemployment ends and a paycheck doesn't. He didnt see it that way, and I became so weakminded that I let him have his way. Of course, now I get criticized for not working. He's bipolar, very manipulative and in law enforcement so even when I feel threatened nothing will happened because he says he'll play my game. I feel threatened but that's somehow my fault. It's just always my fault.
I need someone here to talk to, someone I can be real with. If I'm being honest someone I can ask real questions about topics here because I'm not the brightest as I've been told. And I don't need a therapist or psychiatrist because I have those and they've done me no good. Everything good I've ever tried to do for myself fails. So it's time to end it or move on, try again in the next life or whatever the hell happens.
I don't even know if I can recieve messages properly on here. Probably not so I can't even do that right. But I really think that it's only someone here that can help me. I can't screw this up, there is no worse fate if I fuck up.
I'm not sure how real or raw to get without being removed.
I have access to 2 handguns & 3 shotguns. I've seen the methods thread but think I'll still fuck it up and just end up an invalid. I have a plethora of drugs but I don't think any combo will do it. The 1 person I do know who could get me any drug happens to his cousin, so that would let the cat out of the bag. I could only imagine what he'd do or how he'd mentally torture me if found out. I wish I was smart enough to figure out how to just get what I need to OD but I don't even know where to go to get drugs. If I did I wouldn't even know how to take it, inject it or whatever. See, real dumb here.
I don't care about any pain, as long as the desired result is achieved.
It's time, resources are limited and if I've read right this may even be deleted for what I'm asking. I don't want to cause trouble but I have no other options but here to ask.
I'm alone literally. I've gotten myself in a situation where I have let myself become so socially isolated other than my emotionally abusive SO. I have no family, no friends, no one. My SO, that's it and I can't do it. I dont even work anymore because when I did and had some sense of identity I got laid off. When that happened many moons ago in the great recession, yes all the way in 2009, I let myself get beat down mentally in the 2-year time of unemployment by my SO. I got a job while receiving unemployment, it paid less than unemployment but obviously unemployment ends and a paycheck doesn't. He didnt see it that way, and I became so weakminded that I let him have his way. Of course, now I get criticized for not working. He's bipolar, very manipulative and in law enforcement so even when I feel threatened nothing will happened because he says he'll play my game. I feel threatened but that's somehow my fault. It's just always my fault.
I need someone here to talk to, someone I can be real with. If I'm being honest someone I can ask real questions about topics here because I'm not the brightest as I've been told. And I don't need a therapist or psychiatrist because I have those and they've done me no good. Everything good I've ever tried to do for myself fails. So it's time to end it or move on, try again in the next life or whatever the hell happens.
I don't even know if I can recieve messages properly on here. Probably not so I can't even do that right. But I really think that it's only someone here that can help me. I can't screw this up, there is no worse fate if I fuck up.
I'm not sure how real or raw to get without being removed.
I have access to 2 handguns & 3 shotguns. I've seen the methods thread but think I'll still fuck it up and just end up an invalid. I have a plethora of drugs but I don't think any combo will do it. The 1 person I do know who could get me any drug happens to his cousin, so that would let the cat out of the bag. I could only imagine what he'd do or how he'd mentally torture me if found out. I wish I was smart enough to figure out how to just get what I need to OD but I don't even know where to go to get drugs. If I did I wouldn't even know how to take it, inject it or whatever. See, real dumb here.
I don't care about any pain, as long as the desired result is achieved.
