deadinsideandout
New Member
- Nov 28, 2024
- 1
like the title idk anymore. my life been a clusterfuck of not wanting to be alive anymore. i feel like eveything i try to plan out never goes to plan even though i know it isnt supposed to work that way. ive gone to school gotten a degree and couldnt even get a job in my field. now im back in school with people that are younger then me and i know this isnt an isssue but it makes me feel like absolute shit all the time. I have close friends that have gone to school and easily found jobs in their fields. its almost like maybe having a job and feeling useful would help but even when ive had jobs for survival they dont fufill me the way i want them too. in the end i feel like im always giving more of myself just to feel like im of use at the place i work. even at home i feel like shit because im the eldest and my younger siblings just see me in my bed complaining about how nothing is going the way i planned. i think because they more or less "normal" they try to help me out and give me advice. i feel as though im constantly fighting for something that will never come. and im tired of fighting putting in effort that i dont see anything come out of it. ive defiently thought out different ways to not be around but i end up feeling guilty but i know that after a few months every ones life would return to normal. i just feel like everything i do to make my life better is completly useless. i go to therapy i see a psychiatrist and ntothing has worked i genuinely just feel like a useless cause and im tired of everything and i would like it to end
