Idealization / devaluation BPD

[awfullife]

Hi all I was curious if any BPD folks were comfortable weighing in on this subject.

My ex spouse was BPD and I remember this happening. Our first born child seemed to be a trigger for the devaluation.

I was just curious if I did something wrong or if it happens everytime no matter what. Wow when it happens you know it fast. She would swear to you I was the worst person under the sun ever...

Best to you.

 

[NodusTollens]

This. This... THIS. This ruins my relationships.
I don't have any kids, so I cannot weigh in on that aspect, but I do have BPD. Once I feel I have been slighted/wronged (especially if I catch you in a lie) I will, almost like a switch is flipped, start to think negatively of the person. It's not always intentional, though I realize it stems from trauma &past hurt.

 

[timf]

There is a saying often cited in response to suggestions of conspiracy theories that one should not suspect mal-intent when simple incompetence is a more likely explanation.

My son has this and has told me that he always considers anything I say as being condemning. For example, If I repeat a story I have told before, he sees it as an insult to him as if I didn't think he understood it the first time I told it.

Ever since he was a child he has ascribed to me malicious motives that has made it difficult to build a relationship. Over the years and through many tears he has been able to better manage his reactions. He may still blow up with anger, but he can now process his assumptions and understand better what is true versus what is suspected or imagined.