Venting I'd like to feel what it's like to die or to be abused, but I'm too scared to try

[poqi2s2s]

These last few days I've been feeling little no nothing. I'd like to feel something that reminds me what it's like to be alive, I'd like to feel fear, to have a fight or flight response. I'd like myself to flinch at the slightest mention of a topic, I'd like to be traumatized and scarred for the rest of my life.

I'd like to be abused, I'd like to feel how my whole body slowly shuts down and dies out. Only to be alive and try it again.

Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like I'm schizo even for the people here

 

[Alreadylate]

These last few days I've been feeling little no nothing. I'd like to feel something that reminds me what it's like to be alive, I'd like to feel fear, to have a fight or flight response. I'd like myself to flinch at the slightest mention of a topic, I'd like to be traumatized and scarred for the rest of my life.

I'd like to be abused, I'd like to feel how my whole body slowly shuts down and dies out. Only to be alive and try it again.

Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like I'm schizo even for the people here

stop thinking such things, it is so easy that bad things happen... It doesn't take a lot to be abused, just go out

 

[poqi2s2s]

stop thinking such things, it is so easy that bad things happen... It doesn't take a lot to be abused, just go out

If you're male? Because I highly doubt it.

 

[lonergirl_26]

I feel the same.
I feel bad for craving abuse. But I just want to feel something and I'm tired of hurting myself.

 

[thaelyana]

These last few days I've been feeling little no nothing. I'd like to feel something that reminds me what it's like to be alive, I'd like to feel fear, to have a fight or flight response. I'd like myself to flinch at the slightest mention of a topic, I'd like to be traumatized and scarred for the rest of my life.

I'd like to be abused, I'd like to feel how my whole body slowly shuts down and dies out. Only to be alive and try it again.

Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like I'm schizo even for the people here

Hi, I thought I was alone. Normally this kind of thought intervenes in people who have had deep traumas.. maybe you have some?

I don't have any and I also want to be mistreated, see how I would react etc. It's not even out of curiosity but out of desire. It's so strange to think like that, like yesterday I was walking down a long and deserted street ..I met shady men who whistled at me while I looked like a bum lol and I said to myself "I would like someone to catch me and hurt me". While damn I know that if it happens it would be horrible.

stop thinking such things, it is so easy that bad things happen... It doesn't take a lot to be abused, just go out

No I don't think it's something we have to ask, it must be sudden and then honestly, abuse outside is very rare. The abuses are generally done by our friends, family !! Rarely outside ..

 

[lukewarmlemon4de]

These last few days I've been feeling little no nothing. I'd like to feel something that reminds me what it's like to be alive, I'd like to feel fear, to have a fight or flight response. I'd like myself to flinch at the slightest mention of a topic, I'd like to be traumatized and scarred for the rest of my life.

I'd like to be abused, I'd like to feel how my whole body slowly shuts down and dies out. Only to be alive and try it again.

Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like I'm schizo even for the people here

i dont know if this helps but i lowkey feel the same so at least ur not alone :>

 

[Alreadylate]

If you're male? Because I highly doubt it.

so you mean sexually? that happens to me too..

 

[vira]

I'd like to feel fear, to have a fight or flight response. I'd like myself to flinch at the slightest mention of a topic, I'd like to be traumatized and scarred for the rest of my life.

I've felt this possibly my entire life. I've had constant dreams of my dad and other relatives sexually assaulting me, despite no traumatic history. I've tried to push it far far away in my mind, but it keeps coming back to me. The desire to be abused, I mean. I wish I could say there was a reason,at least one that makes sense to me. My dad neglected me while my mom gave me excess love. My dad also destroyed the house and smashed everything. My mom was an enabler, I guess. The story goes on and on, it's hard to summarize in a small reply.

I don't hate either of them, and I'm not 'scarred' by their actions. And yet I still crave abuse no matter where I go and what I do. It'll never be enough for me. It's like an intrusive thought from the other end. I don't think I'll ever feel satiated with my situation, no matter how delighted I feel.

I would say I understand, but I'm certain I don't. Im sorry for your situation, you aren't crazy.

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

You're not alone OP. I was abused, for 20 years. And I definitely find myself craving it sometimes. Because it's familiar to me. And familiarity is comforting.

There are times I wish my partner would be abusive, because I deserve it. But he never would and it makes me angry sometimes.