"I'd like to feel a bit better/ I'd like to recover" Support Group Megathread

[stillunemployed]

i want to be drugged out going through life. i want to feel like im already dead and existence isnt real anymore....

wouldnt it be "funny" (in that really not funny, ironic, i tried to tell you kind of way) if my exbf ended up homeless, alone, without me after all of this. why would this be "funny"? because we had a whole conversation about how id rather be homeless than without him because emotions mean more to me than material things. now? im moving into a house with land thats going to be given to me. he has the same offer but the house/land is less, but same idea. the difference? how i hear about him going on about how stressful work is and he works part time, not even full time. and his mother, is useless. he cant even cook for himself! tax season, stresses him out beyond belief because he has no idea what to do and has a problem with numbers. "hey dude, ive got a place where i will make it so you never have to worry about working or cooking or taxes or anything. just relax and enjoy your life" "nope" i told him, im not moving out there (in the middle of the woods) alone. i told him, if he wasnt going to move with me than my ex-hus is.
well, now my ex-hus is moving in so if something happens and my ex-bf needs me, there is shit all i can do except watch him be homeless because i sure as hell aint putting them under 1 roof, and im not just going to kick my ex--hus out, thats just wrong.

maybe i just find it funny as a defense mechanism...i read this thing on fb the other day (i know, such a reputable source of information XD) and it said something like "saying lol after every sentence to deflect it" (make it sound not so bad, i know i worded that wrong). and i say lol a lot.... "yeah, life sucks, lol"
if not find this funny what am i suppose to do? i tried!!!

my father is somewhat similar and for my entire life, i have no idea how he pulls it off.
everyone just eats his shit, full bore, like hes jesus himself. he can no wrong and if you notice him being an obese alcoholic, well thats your problem.

Ive seen so many dudes around here doing similar shit and they are less than useless.

just refuse to cook or clean and just drive around and be big guys and just pretend like they do big business and it JUST WORKS. IT JUST ALL WORKS OUT NO BIG DEAL

LOL WHAT A LOSER AM I FOR NOTICING ITS ALL BULLSHIT

 

[Life_and_Death]

just refuse to

the person im talking about doesnt even sound close to the type of person youre talking about. he doesnt "refuse" to do anything. theres a difference between knowing how to do something and refusing to do it, and just honestly not being taught how to do it.

 

[stillunemployed]

maybe theyre just pretending they dont know, you know them best, i dont know

 

[Life_and_Death]

maybe theyre just pretending they dont know, you know them best, i dont know

youre right, i do know them and you dont.
i also find it telling that in my whole post the only thing you picked out was something you fabricated. please dont do stuff like that. like you said, you dont know who youre talking about and making stuff up about people isnt right. i know id personally prefer if people didnt fabricate things about me, and i have a feeling most people feel the same way.

 

[lita-lassi]

after a certain point not cooking or doing taxes right is your own damn doing not someone elses concern

through your posts he sounds like a manchild

 

[stillunemployed]

its a fucking friday
ive decided i wont start shit today

 

[HighFlight]

I'm a little behind and am trying to catch up... I think it's great that we're close to 1000 posts in this thread. Hopefully we can continue to support and help each other for another 1000.

Having a shit day btw. Been crying and smashing things the last hour. Called a depression support hotline for the first time. She asked some questions and I explained my situation but that was about it.

I hope your week got better. I'd suggest getting on the list for esketamine treatment while you pursue other options. Not sure how it works in your country, but I have found the ketamine to be helpful.

i got pissed off at the tv so im watching mary poppins

There is always turning the TV off, but I loved Mary Poppins, Bedknobs and Broomsticks, and the Neverending Story. I heard their going to remake the last one.

slept through therapy, been drinking and high for over a week straight and did acid for the first time this year, life is looking grim

I hope your week has gotten a little better. But with everything you've been through, I wish you would give yourself a little grace.

BTW - where does your court case stand? Have you been able to recovery anything yet??

Morning. I need to figure out how to get more energy.

I hate to toe the pro-lifer's line, but diet and exercise... A couple years ago I had a heart attack. For about 6 months following that, I was good about watching what I ate and exercised regularly, and felt good physically and mentally. New emotional trauma put me back into my current death spiral. But those six months were enough to prove it's possible.


@Life_and_Death, I'm sorry that some of the replies to your post upset you. Please remember that this is a support group - we're here for each other - to share our own experiences with the hopes of helping. That means we need to look at intention, and not just the words. We will all make mistakes and accidentally say something that might be triggering. I don't see anything but good intentions in any of the posts.

@stillunemployed, good morning and happy Friday! How are the interviews going?

 

[Life_and_Death]

I don't see anything but good intentions in any of the posts

good intentions

after a certain point not cooking or doing taxes right is your own damn doing not someone elses concern

through your posts he sounds like a manchild

calling someone down without knowing them is "supportive"?
the first time in awhile i get a response to my posts and its things that are clearly the opposite of supportive because again, these people have less than zero idea who theyre talking about or the life this person leads, yet they some how feel more than qualified to judge them.

calling someone else down, inaccurately at that, is not supportive. and if you think it is than wow. maybe i shouldnt post here anymore. it doesnt seem to matter anyway, and id rather not be associated with a place where treating people poorly than calling it "supportive" is a thing.

right, i keep forgetting. "support" isnt actually a real thing

 

[stillunemployed]

@stillunemployed, good morning and happy Friday! How are the interviews going?

not great, not terrible

 

[HighFlight]

1000's post in this thread!

 

[stillunemployed]

these people have less than zero idea who theyre talking about or the life this person leads, yet they some how feel more than qualified to judge them.

oh look a description of my daily experience of my entire existence










eh, I apologize, but if it helps you to be mad, go nuts

 

[Life_and_Death]

oh look a description of my daily experience of my entire existence

just because other people do it, doesnt mean you have to be one of them

eh, I apologize, but if it helps you to be mad, go nuts

also just because someone stands up for someone else, doesnt mean theyre mad, it means they have morals

 

[stillunemployed]

also just because someone stands up for someone else, doesnt mean theyre mad, it means they have morals

if you say so.
from my perspective, it looks like youre being exploited


To stay with the theme of this thread:

today, on my walk in the morning, i took a piss in the woods. I didnt hear a woman walking her dog approach, so I ran off, embarrassed, while she laughed.

I recommend this for everyone reading this post.

 

[lita-lassi]

from my perspective, it looks like youre being exploited

this was my point

@Life_and_Death the only thing we have to work with information-wise is your posts and what you framed the situation as. thats the commentary. it isnt putting you or this dude down, its a comment on the description we've been given. this IS a support thread so if you dont want others to comment youll have to say so from the get-go and probably repeat it a bunch, many of us have memory issues and go long stretches of time without checking in. apologies for hurting you, text doesnt translate intentions very well

right, i keep forgetting. "support" isnt actually a real thing

i understand its easy to assume the worst but not searching for nuance or hearing others out will only be a self fulfilling prophecy in this regard. ill shut up now though

 

[stillunemployed]

good morning

 

[HighFlight]

Good morning, @stillunemployed

 

[stillunemployed]

Went to a family thing today
Felt like shit during and after
Was also included in an invitation to a cousins wedding from the other side of the fam
So another anxiety attack all planned and scheduled
I suppose since im so old, my fam is testing me if im worth a single thought or if im just roadkill (edited)

 

[Life_and_Death]

from my perspective

maybe theres a reason for that. you dont have the whole/right perspective (right being used not as in "correct" but more like art, and literally the direction youre looking at it)

what you framed the situation as

the point of my post what that i found someone i cared about being homeless funny and how mentally broken i must be and you guys not only focused on 'not the point' but id really really love to know how "manchild" "isnt putting anyone down". im positive a high majority of people wouldnt like that

i understand its easy to assume the worst but not searching for nuance or hearing others out will only be a self fulfilling prophecy in this regard.

this is one of those moments where "you dont know someone". you have no idea the effort of trying ive done

 

[Tesha]

Urgh. After nearly 5 weeks as an inpatient, I discharged. I shouldn't have discharged. I thought I was more stable than I am - apparently the protective bubble I had when I was in hospital was actually helping me. I am such an idiot for pushing for my discharge - as soon as an opportunity arose, my flight system kicked in and I was checking out. I'm now home alone with the means to kill myself and I can't stop thinking about it.

I've emailed my care coordinator to see what help I can still gain access to.

Just breathe.

 

[Artemisia]

I would very much like to recover, unfortunately it doesn't depend on me. My body has been destroyed in ways worthy of medieval torture, I'm in constant pain and so exhausted I can no longer do anything. I'm either in bed or couch and only drag myself to the bathroom or kitchen to heat up something, can't even cook anymore. This is not life, it's just dying. Doctors let me down and physiotherapists happily destroyed me. I still wish someone could help me get my life back but after all I've been through I very much doubt it. If I ctb in the next few weeks or months it's not because I really wanted to, it's because it was the less bad option. As I am now, my options are to either die quickly with whichever dignity I have left or wither away until I most likely die of starvation because I have no family whatsoever and, because I'm still in my 40s, our Healthcare service doesn't give a damn about me.
This world really sucks.

 

[stillunemployed]

good morning

 

[stillunemployed]

hope youre doing okay Praestat_Mori

 

[lita-lassi]

through your posts he sounds like a manchild

this is one of those moments where "you dont know someone". you have no idea the effort of trying ive done

i said SOUNDS like for a reason and this isnt about just one post as i stated but sure. feel free to put me on ignore

thread relevance:


i have therapy tomorrow, wonder if she'd appreciate me sending this as an answer to how im doing

edit: @HighFlight sorry i missed your question about court but the answer to whats happened is a big ol "absolutely nothing" (ಥ﹏ಥ)

 

[stillunemployed]

rainy morning today

 

[Praestat_Mori]

hope youre doing okay Praestat_Mori

Hi @stillunemployed !! I'm ok. Thx for asking! How r u doing? I hope you're ok, too.

 

[stillunemployed]

Hi @stillunemployed !! I'm ok. Thx for asking! How r u doing? I hope you're ok, too.

im flat broke. I had to pay a dentist today and im on the hook with my therapist for our next meeting.

 

[HighFlight]

Was also included in an invitation to a cousins wedding from the other side of the fam

I've got to attend my nephew's wedding in a few weeks. It's going to be a huge social event and I really don't want to go. Anxiety is through the roof, but I know I'm not the focus. Is the wedding you're attending going to be big enough to hide in plain sight?

the point of my post what that i found someone i cared about being homeless funny and how mentally broken i must be

Thank you! I'm sorry but I was struggling to follow some of your posts, and was hesitant to reply. This gives me some insight in which to view them.

You are fortunate to have found someone you care about, even if you are both struggling individually. Please be sure to take care of yourself, so you can be in a place where you can support them.

I've emailed my care coordinator to see what help I can still gain access to.

Just breathe.

I've never been inpatient, but have talk to enough people to know how powerful the desire to be released can be. When things are bad, remember why you want to live, your children. They need you. Hopefully, your care coordinator can help you out. Please keep us informed when you can. We're here for you.

I would very much like to recover, unfortunately it doesn't depend on me. My body has been destroyed in ways worthy of medieval torture, I'm in constant pain and so exhausted I can no longer do anything. I'm either in bed or couch and only drag myself to the bathroom or kitchen

Welcome to the group. I always hate welcoming people to the site, and even this thread. Being here means your struggling with life, and I don't wish that on anyone. Everyone is suffering in their own way, and yours sounds terrible. If you feel comfortable sharing, what's the diagnosis? Are they able to do anything to make you more comfortable?

the answer to whats happened is a big ol "absolutely nothing" (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Is the justice system just being slow, or did it fail you??

@Praestat_Mori, @stillunemployed, I saw your pictures on Discord and they look really good. Stillunemployed, are those from your walks? You've inspired me to walk more and have captured a few pictures from the local park.

I'm just taking life one day at a time, but nothing seems to be changing. I realize that I'm the reason for the endless, meaningless loop yet cannot find an escape that doesn't hurt someone else. Until I figure that out...

@stillunemployed, Good Morning!

 

[Artemisia]

Welcome to the group. I always hate welcoming people to the site, and even this thread. Being here means your struggling with life, and I don't wish that on anyone. Everyone is suffering in their own way, and yours sounds terrible. If you feel comfortable sharing, what's the diagnosis? Are they able to do anything to make you more comfortable?

Hi! Thank you for the welcome! It really can't be easy.
No, there's no diagnosis because no one wants to listen to me, despite the fact that I'm a biologist and pretty sure of what I'm saying. At first doctors didn't give a damn, dismissed it as not serious because they refused to listen to me, they just sent me to physiotherapy. No preliminary diagnosis, no treatment guide... Perfect example of "give me the money and don't bother me". The pgyotherapists to put my hip somewhat back in place twisted the tendons in my back, causing more pain. Ever since, it's been the same, doctors who see nothing and refuse to listen, therapists who twist back and forth and when what they're used to do doesn't work come up with all sorts of excuses. It's because it can't be all that bad, it's because I'm depressed and depression makes the pain worse, it's auto imine, it's rheumatic. It's like living in a Kafkian hell where I explain and explain and explain, but they always have some way to invalidate me. This last one actually took the initial pain somewhat away... by twisting the tendons in my arms and legs in such a way I'm in pain just taking a few steps. If before I could drag myself slowly and still go outside if needed be, now it's literally too painful. When I called her to say that, she claimed it was only inflammation and would get better (obviously it didn't), refused to see me again. This was the final confirmation of what I've been saying, my tendons are twisted in a weird way in my lower back and doing what they're used to will only twist them in a different way. Sure of this I went back to the previous clinic, explained and explained.... Therapist there insists whatever improvement I had was placebo effect but the new pain is real, because osteopaths suck in her opinion. Offers no solution of her own (I went to the osteopath because I saw how absolutely lost that therapist was). Made me go to a neurologist despite me telling her it's useless. Neurologist obviously didn't find any neurological damage, so is set on it being auto imune... This all started while pushing an ark! How the heck do they even seriously consider such options?

Neurologist prescribed cortisone because nothing else works. I'm not taking it. Not only does it mask the pain if I go to another therapist (I've pretty much exhausted my options, but there's one I still want to talk to), it also masks it as my body is being ripped insiside due to the wrong positioning which will guarantee there will be no return from all the damage. Either way, I have no interest in surviving like this. It's not just the pain, it's the exhaustion and the loss of my indepence, my joy, and my plans. I do not want to survive in this hell.

 

[stillunemployed]

another rainy morning

I've got to attend my nephew's wedding in a few weeks. It's going to be a huge social event and I really don't want to go. Anxiety is through the roof, but I know I'm not the focus. Is the wedding you're attending going to be big enough to hide in plain sight?

its my cousins marriage.
its going to be like 50 people, with myself being the black sheep invited only cuz of obligation/politeness. noone from the whole family wants to associate with me and the cousin getting married has always been a huge asshole to me so i prolly wont go.

@Praestat_Mori, @stillunemployed, I saw your pictures on Discord and they look really good. Stillunemployed, are those from your walks? You've inspired me to walk more and have captured a few pictures from the local park.

yeah i walk that route almost every day.

I wish i could go somewhere else and maybe not alone

 

[Praestat_Mori]

@Praestat_Mori, @stillunemployed, I saw your pictures on Discord and they look really good.

Thx!!! I think I didn't really post a lot - only some photos of celestial objects. I want to travel again, see and discover new places. Maybe I'm gonna post old photos of my collection until I have the chance to travel again. Though, everything is ok but on a very low level.