I wonder, if people get their SN, would they act right away?

[Matchaaa]

I got my SN back in August last year, but I've been putting it off because of some personal stuff. I also have a stomach ulcer, and I'm worried that it will cause severe pain after I take it.
I feel kind of torn—am I really a coward for not daring to take it without benzodiazepines? And I'm super unsure if going to a hospital would just waste a ton of money and still not get me any.
Sometimes I just feel like such a failure.

 

[iveseenfootage]

You're not a coward at all, a decision as big as this is entirely up to you and you shouldn't feel pressured to go through/not go through with it by anyone else. It should be on your terms. Personally, I plan to shortly after I receive it, but thats only because I have spent enough time deliberating and preparing.

 

[closetoyou]

ive had sn for several months and i haven't used it yet (obviously ig lol). atp im contemplating throwing it away but idk - it's kind of comforting (in a probably toxic way but whatever)

 

[rigsid]

Personally yes that's what I'm doing. I had everything else prepared so when I got my SN on Wednesday I immediately planned to take it as soon as I could which is Saturday, tomorrow

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

You're not a coward at all, a decision as big as this is entirely up to you and you shouldn't feel pressured to go through/not go through with it by anyone else. It should be on your terms. Personally, I plan to shortly after I receive it, but thats only because I have spent enough time deliberating and preparing.

how did u deliberate and prepare. for how much time?

 

[iveseenfootage]

how did u deliberate anc prepare. for how much time?

I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember, so quite a few years. I've started seriously considering it in the past couple years with concrete plans maybe made around 6 months ago. Unless some massive changes magically happen in my life, it should happen relatively soon. I really just deliberated on how likely it would be for me to be happy with the road my life was headed down, and realized it was close to 0.

 

[DungEater]

Lot of folks on here seem like they are waiting for the right moment, lot of others like having it as a final option as bleak as it is

 

[UserFromNowhere]

I have SN, I have benzodiazepines, don't have meto (could order it) but do have dimenhydrinate. I've had the SN since sometime last year. I can't bring myself to do it though. Impulsively I'll get the urge to die and go stringing up my rope and trying to hang myself, but I can never go through with it, the thought of actually using the SN feels too far. As though my mind recognizes the finality of it all and can't decide if it wants to go or not. Even though I would be perfectly fine if I passed out from a rope and ended up dying.

 

[lysergamide]

Took me 4 years to act on with sn. The answer is no

 

[Matchaaa]

You're not a coward at all, a decision as big as this is entirely up to you and you shouldn't feel pressured to go through/not go through with it by anyone else. It should be on your terms. Personally, I plan to shortly after I receive it, but thats only because I have spent enough time deliberating and preparing.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. No matter what you decide, I hope you're able to find peace.

ive had sn for several months and i haven't used it yet (obviously ig lol). atp im contemplating throwing it away but idk - it's kind of comforting (in a probably toxic way but whatever)

I feel the same lol. Sometimes I think if SN didn't have an expiration date, I'd probably keep it around for much longer haha.

Personally yes that's what I'm doing. I had everything else prepared so when I got my SN on Wednesday I immediately planned to take it as soon as I could which is Saturday, tomorrow

If you've really decided, I hope you can find peace and that you won't be in pain.

I have SN, I have benzodiazepines, don't have meto (could order it) but do have dimenhydrinate. I've had the SN since sometime last year. I can't bring myself to do it though. Impulsively I'll get the urge to die and go stringing up my rope and trying to hang myself, but I can never go through with it, the thought of actually using the SN feels too far. As though my mind recognizes the finality of it all and can't decide if it wants to go or not. Even though I would be perfectly fine if I passed out from a rope and ended up dying.

I truly hope you can find peace and be free from the pain you're going through.

 

[nitrogenous]

I didn't act straight away because it took some time for the SN to arrive that I just felt like I didn't need to act straight away. My plan was to save the SN for when there was no other way out (for instance being homeless or not being able to afford my meds and having to go on withdrawals). I am very close to being in that situation, but stupidly got my SN taken away by the police yesterday. I reordered my SN just now, this time with express shipping. I'm hoping it will still pass customs without issues (considering the police had that silver package with cement description so I don't know if having similar things coming would be flagged) and I hope it arrives before I have to go homeless or worse, get deported of the country as I am not a citizen/permanent resident yet, but at the same time I can't afford going back home due to the nature of abuse that's happening in my home country.

 

[Matchaaa]

I didn't act straight away because it took some time for the SN to arrive that I just felt like I didn't need to act straight away. My plan was to save the SN for when there was no other way out (for instance being homeless or not being able to afford my meds and having to go on withdrawals). I am very close to being in that situation, but stupidly got my SN taken away by the police yesterday. I reordered my SN just now, this time with express shipping. I'm hoping it will still pass customs without issues (considering the police had that silver package with cement description so I don't know if having similar things coming would be flagged) and I hope it arrives before I have to go homeless or worse, get deported of the country as I am not a citizen/permanent resident yet, but at the same time I can't afford going back home due to the nature of abuse that's happening in my home country.

I'm sorry you went through this. I hope you can find peace and relief.
If you don't mind me asking, have you always lived in Australia?

 

[nitrogenous]

I'm sorry you went through this. I hope you can find peace and relief.
If you don't mind me asking, have you always lived in Australia?

Thank you for your kind words. Nope, I moved here in 2022 and is still very much an international :( So there's very limited support for me and going back home isn't really an option either…

 

[Matchaaa]

Thank you for your kind words. Nope, I moved here in 2022 and is still very much an international :( So there's very limited support for me and going back home isn't really an option either…

I just read some of what you've been through, and I honestly can't imagine it… You're amazingly strong. I really hope life starts being a little kinder to you from now on.

 

[nitrogenous]

I just read some of what you've been through, and I honestly can't imagine it… You're amazingly strong. I really hope life starts being a little kinder to you from now on.

Thank you… I'm just extremely down and lost because I'm completely alone and I really don't want to end up on the streets and even worse get deported… but at the same time no one can do anything about it and I'm so stressed out I've literally just been trying to reach out to different places back and forth, to no avail so far… A few days ago at least I still have the SN, and now, I don't even have it anymore so when those things hit, I don't even know what to do to escape the pain :(

 

[thelostautistic]

You're not a coward at all I've had mine for about a month and haven't used it yet as I have things to sort out first.

 

[InTheAbyss]

I've had sn for a while now. Once I got it I felt like I wanted to go back to my first method again instead. It also didn't help that I had test ingested some one day and that the effects afterwards weren't the nicest for a few days. I may have traumatized myself on it a bit. I was unconscious for about 6h. So I think that if I 'tested' a few more that it might've turned into a ctb. Which I would've been totally ok with if that happened.

 

[leoneliona]

Personally, yes. I only ordered it once I was 100% on my plan and once I get antiemetics I will be using it.

 

[absolute failure]

I am waiting cuz i of people i love fuck my life

 

[TAW122]

I think it depends on many variables and factors. Each individual person is different, some may wait while others may just go through with it, depending on circumstances. While I don't have SN myself, I did have my method (firearm) and I could technically go at a drop of a hat, I am waiting until the right time, circumstance, and be 100% before I go. Of course, there are also personal circumstances that are different for every person.

 

[desire2ctb]

if i could, i would. im too much of a coward of pain to use other methods

 

[purebliss]

I am waiting cuz i of people i love fuck my life

Ironic xD

Same here my brother :')
Lets take the "funsies" and then go and exit ^~^

 

[wannabeangel]

personally i wouldn't take it right away, because i've been pretty specific with making "rituals" for myself when doing pretty much anything, even when i would self harm still that was it's own process, so i dont think ending my life would be much different. i dont plan to go out impulsively, i wanna make sure everything i can get ready is ready, i have everything i need for the protocol i'll follow, have my room clean, notes ready, my room and setting and drugs of choice to get fucked up beforehand on because i will enjoy myself before heading out

 

[Fresh Soju]

If I had SN and the accompanying items waiting at home I wouldn't use it right away, but just knowing it's there would help my mental immensely as I'd know there's a way out right there and then. I'd be way more bold trying things and attempting at bettering my life because if I fail, well, I am out anyway..
Right now without SN I can't afford that because if I fail I might end up homeless or worse and then I still won't have any escape and it's only gonna be even worse than now..

 

[Matchaaa]

Thank you all so much for your comments,they mean a lot to me <3

 

[Harrier]

For me, I would probably wait.

A few reasons:

It is not my preferred method, I am still researching the protocol, and part of my suicidal thoughts involves tendancy of failure (i.e. I'd probably mess up ctb just like everything else.

OTH, participating in the recent threads (brick and mortar source and DSL) have been mentally stimulating - and I have found both.

I will likely pick up or order some SN and keep it on hand so as to preserve options.

Oh, I didn't do it deliberately, but actually dropped a subtle hint for DSL.

 

[manasa]

ive had sn for several months and i haven't used it yet (obviously ig lol). atp im contemplating throwing it away but idk - it's kind of comforting (in a probably toxic way but whatever)

can i know from where did you source it

 

[wine is fine but]

the fact that i have replied will make the answer obvious

if i received it on the day i got my tracking number, i might very well have used it then. it was a nice round number (an odd number this year, but round nonetheless). in the preceding 11 days, i was contemplating using my rope that has been ready to go for over 10 years now, but i guess if i use anything i would rather it be my magic sleeping potion
or perhaps i could call it my
"suicide solution", because
wine is fine, but whiskey's quicker
suicide is slow with liquor
take a bottle, drown your sorrows
then it floods away tomorrows

obviously none of us really know what we will do when push comes to shove. we can all claim in a big and brave voice that we are going to do it, and then turn to water when shit gets real
plus we all can have some very convenient reasons to not go ahead with it

i need to get my car drivable again, and perhaps i am taking too long to buy myself extra weeks . . . who knows? i have only driven it around 700kms, around 430 miles since september 11, 2023. mechanics have screwed me over, and for most of that time, drinking a sleeping potion would have been perfect for me. however, leaving a car at some random mechanic's shop who will then probably lie to get more money and give less parts back is not fair on my loved ones. even as it is now, while it is very close, and if i wasn't typing here, i could almost have it finished, but if it isn't running, it's value probably drops by half. my loved ones will then have to sell it cheaper and quite possibly lose around $50,000. not really fair on them, when they also have to throw me into the ground, or scatter me all over my favourite football oval. so, while i am pretending to be noble about it, perhaps i am just using a very convenient excuse to not do it. for sure, it feels very inevitable for some point in time, but until that times comes, i will just have to endure people and smile through gritted teeth - but the inevitability does seem to grow with every passing day

 

[whatdoidonow]

Maybe I would use it as an emergency exit when my life goes beyond repair

 

[uklad38]

It's a huge decision. So I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself for not taking it straight away.

If I had it I do think I'd take it fairly quickly but that's just me, each to their own!