I wish there was maid here

[cooki3]

I wish I could obtain these things in a safe way. I wish it were appreciated and viewed as a solution as I've exhausted everything else. I'm scared. But going on is worse. This would make it easier but I can't where I am.
:( I wish this could be a hospital procedure even. So they'd give me Valium and make me calm first. I wish I knew how to get that here lol. It's not fair that I'm basically forced to stay here against my will; of course I can ctb but if it should be failed, I will likely be put in some sort of institution, which would honestly make it worse and then if I decide to stay alive, so many jobs and opportunities are stripped from me, which will make me want to leave even more. I wish I had someone to administer above all regardless of method honestly.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I also just wish for the option to cease existing in peace, I see so much cruelty in how humans are forced to suffer in this existence that was imposed in the first place with no acceptance towards the wish to not exist, it'd bring me so much relief having the option to just never suffer ever again. I'd always prefer to not exist than be burdened with this cruel, torturous existence just waiting to die anyway, what I find so terrifying is how trying to die can go wrong and lead to way worse torture and suffering, it's horrific to me how there's no limit as to how much a human can suffer in this existence but anyway I hope you find peace.

 

[Well_Its_Time]

I was under general anesthesia several times for operations. In the last operations, I woke up and my first thoughts were "f*ck! I'm still alive". I was sad that I was not dead and I could not believe that I was still here.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

Same. I'd take it today if it were an option.