The disassociation may be a self-protection mechanism. Depression may be circumstantial or biological, anxiety may have a biological or developmental cause, however, experimentation in how to create a safe environment where you can be certain of control may be a way to lower anxieties.
If you attend an AA meeting, you might see that others have found alcohol to contribute to disassociation, depression, and only temporarily numb anxiety.
You might consider creating a small corner of your life for experimentation like joining a weekly reading group that meets at a library, doing volunteer work, taking a liesure learning class, or visiting a bible study. Such social dabbling might open up opportunities that you did not expect.