Venting I wish i had a terrible disease instead of mental disorders

[sadidiot0328]

At least then i know that eventually I will get better and I'll be healed

But no
With depression and all the other shit ill be like this forever

No amount of therapy, going outside, or medication will change that

There will always be the lingering hazed stare I get when i get near a cliff or bridge

The feeling of emptiness in my body

My emotions never being fully stable

I will never be truly healed/recovered and I hate it so much and I hate how much I want to stay this way because the effort it took to even get slightly better was so draining I crashed and got even worse than beforehand

I keep clawing my way up but my being works against me every step and punishes me for even trying. Reminding me harshly that this is my innate self

I was born ill and I will die ill.

 

[DoubleUp8]

Maybe not. But you're probably right. Maybe you could have brief moments of happiness. It's horrible how mental health industry (I call it a racket) doesn't want to help you get better but actually going to give you drugs and treatments that will make things worse. If you get better, then you are no longer a source of revenue for them. They want to make as much as possible off you b4 u ctb.

 

[GhostShell]

The chronic part of chronic illness most of the time means for life. Not everything has a treatment let alone a cure.

I have zero depression now yet my life sucks 100x more than when I was in the deepest of it and trust me I know what is is like to have 0 friends and 0 happiness.

Your struggle is extremely valid but be very very careful what you wish for. Suffering is not a competition, lives can suck for varying reasons and the grass is usually not greener on the other side. Stay strong and healthy.

 

[derpyderpins]

I just want it so I have a good excuse that people will actually buy. Give me cancer or something. "My brain doesn't work right" is not an excuse people accept for being unproductive. Pity is nice too, at least when it's something out of your control. Being pitied because you are personally pathetic sucks.

 

[M48 Patton]

Trust me chronic issues are horrific, having physical issues is hell. Couple that with mental. I'm so bloody drained

 

[BoneWeary57]

I have struggle with depression and anxiety for decades. I have tried almost every known treatment and have heard every "helpful" piece of advice from those who have zero idea what true depression is.
Like you, I have accepted that these conditions are chronic, life long and their severity will ebb and flow over time and as I age. They have robbed me of much in life, I look at my counterparts and see the successes (and I'm not just talking financial) they have and tho' I have tried, many, many, many exhausting times in my life, I am as a lyric in a famous song goes " always stuck in second gear" I use to care, now, I don't. I am disappointed life will end like this for me at some point, I use to feel shame as I do think that is part of the depression, but now, regardless if the cause of my limitation is geneics, enviromental or a combination, the results are the same. And they suck.

 

[Ironborn]

A friend of mine I met at my first job has been fighting cancer the past few years.
He is a good man, more of a dad to me than my real father ever was, loves his wife and three sons, just an all round decent bloke.
I would take on his illness and give him my health in a heartbeat.
My mental health is in critical condition but physically?
In two decades of work I have never had a day off sick.
Injuries don't seem to impact me, including tearing muscles in my back in my mid twenties.
I rarely get ill, only physically vomited twice as far as I can remember.
Hell when I tried to drown myself I was in freezing cold water for who knows how long and I didn't even catch a cold.
If I could trade that for my friends cancer, I would, he'd do a lot more with life than I ever could.

 

[Whale_bones]

These type of threads are posted soo often. I'm on the forum a couple times a week, and I always know I'll see one just looking at the front page. This response is more of a general one rather than directed at solely your post, since this exact sentiment is posted so frequently.

There are a lot of people here who are suffering because of physical conditions. I think people here generally have the understanding not to say things like "I wish I had anxiety, those people have it so much better than me because I have depression". Even if someone has that thought, they're not gonna say it out loud, because it's pretty clear that's insulting to the person with anxiety.

But when it comes to physical conditions, it's like they're put in a whole different category and tons of people "wish" for the very things that other people on this site are suffering from (of course, without truly knowing what they're wishing for).

Having a disability or severe disease doesn't just automatically gain you pity, comfort or support. People who are already in a good position (social status and resource-wise) and *then* get sick have the luck to get those additional things, because of the life situation they were already in. It's a really false representation that being severely ill gains you anything, because that's not reality in so many cases. In so many cases, it takes away abilities and self-esteem, adds discrimination and pain, and turns an already bad life into a terrible life.

You can still talk about your frustrations with your own situation and the things you wish would change, while easily leaving out the comparison to other people's real-life pain and claims that they have it easier/better.

 

[yellowjester]

At least then i know that eventually I will get better and I'll be healed

Reality doesn't work like medical dtamas; curable disases are still the exception, not the rule.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Plenty of diseases do not have any cures or even any good treatment options available to at least make the symptoms more bearable.

Many people suffer a lot because of physical illnesses that they will never be able to recover from. In some cases, even if they do recover their bodies will be left with all sorts of damage some of which may even be permanent. That's not even going into the trauma that these people have to put up with from the horrible symptoms they have to deal with to all the medical treatments they have to go through. How would you feel if someone who had a horrible genetic disorder came on here and talked about how they wish they suffered from depression and claimed that they know they get better with just some therapy and psych meds? I understand that you are suffering but this post is just straight-up inconsiderate to those who suffer from debilitating medical issues and disabilities. Don't downplay the issues that others have to put up.

 

[divinemistress36]

Physical and mental disorders are both terrible! But physical disorders do get more sympathy than mental

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Nothing quite provokes my mental disorder like my poor physical health and its consequences.

 

[Daryl72]

At least then i know that eventually I will get better and I'll be healed

But no
With depression and all the other shit ill be like this forever

No amount of therapy, going outside, or medication will change that

There will always be the lingering hazed stare I get when i get near a cliff or bridge

The feeling of emptiness in my body

My emotions never being fully stable

I will never be truly healed/recovered and I hate it so much and I hate how much I want to stay this way because the effort it took to even get slightly better was so draining I crashed and got even worse than beforehand

I keep clawing my way up but my being works against me every step and punishes me for even trying. Reminding me harshly that this is my innate self

I was born ill and I will die ill.

I feel the same.way. I can relate to everything for sure.

 

[sadidiot0328]

I dont know why people are assuming I said physical disorders are easier. I meant the ones that DO have a cure and theres a chance they can go away and the person doesnt have to suffer anymore.

Don't put words in my mouth.

Plenty of diseases do not have any cures or even any good treatment options available to at least make the symptoms more bearable.

Many people suffer a lot because of physical illnesses that they will never be able to recover from. In some cases, even if they do recover their bodies will be left with all sorts of damage some of which may even be permanent. That's not even going into the trauma that these people have to put up with from the horrible symptoms they have to deal with to all the medical treatments they have to go through. How would you feel if someone who had a horrible genetic disorder came on here and talked about how they wish they suffered from depression and claimed that they know they get better with just some therapy and psych meds? I understand that you are suffering but this post is just straight-up inconsiderate to those who suffer from debilitating medical issues and disabilities. Don't downplay the issues that others have to put up.

I wasnt downplaying?

 

[Whale_bones]

I dont know why people are assuming I said physical disorders are easier. I meant the ones that DO have a cure and theres a chance they can go away and the person doesnt have to suffer anymore.

Don't put words in my mouth.

If you're referring to my post, I said in the first paragraph that my response was a general one to this sentiment and the many times it's been posted, rather than a specific response to only your post.

Yes, unlike some other posts, you didn't directly state that a physical condition is easier. But saying you "wish you had a terrible disease instead of a mental disorder" is implying that a disease is easier, better or preferable in some way. You're saying you'd prefer it to a mental disorder.

You go on to say "At least then i know that eventually I will get better and I'll be healed" but with depression you'll have it forever. That's listing something as a positive/preferable thing about physical disorders, while saying depression doesn't have that.

Why is there a need to compare it in the first place? Your feelings about depression are valid on their own, you can express the anger and frustration about it never going away without the implications about physical conditions.

 

[sadidiot0328]

If you're referring to my post, I said in the first paragraph that my response was a general one to this sentiment and the many times it's been posted, rather than a specific response to only your post.

Yes, unlike some other posts, you didn't directly state that a physical condition is easier. But saying you "wish you had a terrible disease instead of a mental disorder" is implying that a disease is easier, better or preferable in some way. You're saying you'd prefer it to a mental disorder.

You go on to say "At least then i know that eventually I will get better and I'll be healed" but with depression you'll have it forever. That's listing something as a positive/preferable thing about physical disorders, while saying depression doesn't have that.

Why is there a need to compare it in the first place? Your feelings about depression are valid on their own, you can express the anger and frustration about it never going away without the implications about physical conditions.

I dont know. Im sorry. I just prefer anything then how I feel right now. The idea ill feel depressed forever terrifies me and its upsetting to realize it wont go away.

 

[Rev346]

One of the "benefits" of living in our current times. We're good at keeping people alive it just being alive doesn't work for everybody. Look at military service as an example. We now have fewer deaths but significantly more wounded returning home. Yes they are alive but some may be so decimated that they can't adapt to their new life or just don't have the will to live anymore.

 

[SamTam33]

I daydream about having a terrible disease at least 2 or 3 times a day. But not so that I can be healed, so I can die.

I don't care how physically horrible it is. The mental horrors are just as painful. Worse because you're expected to still carry on with life while simultaneously dealing with the pain.

Worse because no one can see it and treat you accordingly. There are no bandages and IVs indicating that you're damaged and not operating at full capacity. No crutches signaling that you're fragile and unhealed.

No amount of physical pain - resulting in death - will ever scare me into wanting to live with the mental pain.

 

[Whale_bones]

I dont know. Im sorry. I just prefer anything then how I feel right now. The idea ill feel depressed forever terrifies me and its upsetting to realize it wont go away.

It's completely understandable that you feel awful thinking about having depression forever. I don't blame you for that at all, that's a huge burden to bear and I wish you didn't have to shoulder it.

My point was just that comparing it to physical conditions in this way is unhelpful, and because I see soo many posts with the same comparison, I hope for the incorrect ideas about physical conditions getting sympathy, being easier or preferable, etc. to stop (or atleast lessen).

Depression and other disorders of the brain are lifelong conditions in many people that can't be cured. When that's not recognized or it's invalidated, that's a huge societal problem, and we can acknowledge that's wrong and it's a problem on its own.

Ironically though, a lot of the same judgments and platitudes are said and made to both groups of people: "You just need to get fresh air and exercise" "Have you tried X medication or X surgery?" "There must be SOME treatment that would help" "Have you tried prayer?"

These are all common things I've heard from people ignorant about physical disability! And these exact lines are said by people ignorant about severe depression. So there's actually a lot more of the negative treatment in common than many would think (and of course, that's just scratching the surface of the bad treatment).

 

[Dark Window]

Physical issues are at least easier to identify

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I dont know why people are assuming I said physical disorders are easier. I meant the ones that DO have a cure and theres a chance they can go away and the person doesnt have to suffer anymore.

Don't put words in my mouth.

I wasnt downplaying?

At least then i know that eventually I will get better and I'll be healed

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

How do you know a terrible disease can be cured...? I would love to know what terrible disease can be cured. Pretty sure it's none.

I have mental illness, AND an autoimmune disease, that is an inflammatory bowel disease. I have a range of issues lol.

You definitely don't want that. I would not prefer to have just that.

Mental health issues generally come with having other health problems though, because of the impact it has on you. So really, there is no escaping it.

Everyone has some form of mental health difficulty. Everyone.

I understand what you're trying to say though, being mentally ill is awful, and there's no escape from it. It's a constant battle between yourself... and yourself. Yeah, it sucks

I wish I wasn't mentally ill either, but I always will be, and nothing will take that away. Trauma, yay (not).

It's about trying to find ways to manage it better to improve your quality of life (if you want to, of course).

Unfortunately, mental illness takes people every single day, and that's a sad reality of it, and I completely understand how those people feel, because I feel like that.

Those that haven't suffered with mental illness, do not understand how you're trapped in your own head, day in day out, but at least people understand on here.

 

[mrelief82]

I just want it so I have a good excuse that people will actually buy. Give me cancer or something. "My brain doesn't work right" is not an excuse people accept for being unproductive. Pity is nice too, at least when it's something out of your control. Being pitied because you are personally pathetic sucks.

Exacly the same thoughts ! People even sometimes undesrtand you not ok , but just for a while , and there is - you didn't recover yet ?

 

[derpyderpins]

Exacly the same thoughts ! People even sometimes undesrtand you not ok , but just for a while , and there is - you didn't recover yet ?

Great point. People will care about your mental struggles for a day, but the assumption is it's something you get over like a cold.

 

[Defenestration]

Au moins, je sais que je finirai par aller mieux et que je serai guéri

Mais non
Avec la dépression et toutes ces autres conneries, je serai comme ça pour toujours

Aucune thérapie, aucune sortie à l'extérieur ou aucun médicament ne changera cela.

Il y aura toujours le regard embué persistant que je reçois lorsque je m'approche d'une falaise ou d'un pont.

La sensation de vide dans mon corps

Mes émotions ne sont jamais complètement stables

Je ne serai jamais vraiment guéri/récupéré et je déteste tellement ça et je déteste à quel point je veux rester ainsi parce que l'effort qu'il a fallu pour aller même un peu mieux était si épuisant que je me suis écrasé et que c'était encore pire qu'auparavant.

Je continue de gravir les échelons, mais mon être travaille contre moi à chaque pas et me punit même pour avoir essayé. Me rappelant durement que c'est mon moi inné

Je suis né malade et je mourrai malade.

Same

 

[Whale_bones]

I daydream about having a terrible disease at least 2 or 3 times a day.

Physical issues are at least easier to identify

But physical disorders do get more sympathy than mental

I just want it so I have a good excuse that people will actually buy. Give me cancer or something… Pity is nice too

People will care about your mental struggles for a day, but the assumption is it's something you get over like a cold.

People with physical conditions are told to get over it ALL the time. We're told there must be some treatment that would help and we just haven't searched hard enough. It's assumed we don't know our own bodies and conditions better than random strangers do.

The image of physical diseases bringing sympathy and comfort is a movie stereotype and the experience of a lucky few. I've seen examples of people with mental illness who were supported, comforted and treated well, but I understand that that's the exception and not the rule.

I just mentioned in my last comment how stereotypes and platitudes are directed towards both groups. It's wrong in both cases, there's literally no reason to compare the two and make implications about physical conditions being preferable.

Imagine if I made a thread titled "I wish I had terrible depression instead of a genetic physical disorder". At least if it was depression I could get treatment… but no amount of talking to a counselor will fix my genetic disorder. And at least there's medication for depression… I can't just pop a pill to heal my genetic disorder.

Sound messed up? Like it's a false representation of the type of depression that tons of people here are suffering with, and based off of stereotypes instead of reality? Yeah.

 

[derpyderpins]

People with physical conditions are told to get over it ALL the time. We're told there must be some treatment that would help and we just haven't searched hard enough. It's assumed we don't know our own bodies and conditions better than random strangers do.

The image of physical diseases bringing sympathy and comfort is a movie stereotype and the experience of a lucky few. I've seen examples of people with mental illness who were supported, comforted and treated well, but I understand that that's the exception and not the rule.

I just mentioned in my last comment how stereotypes and platitudes are directed towards both groups. It's wrong in both cases, there's literally no reason to compare the two and make implications about physical conditions being preferable.

Imagine if I made a thread titled "I wish I had terrible depression instead of a genetic physical disorder". At least if it was depression I could get treatment… but no amount of talking to a counselor will fix my genetic disorder. And at least there's medication for depression… I can't just pop a pill to heal my genetic disorder.

Sound messed up? Like it's a false representation of the type of depression that tons of people here are suffering with, and based off of stereotypes instead of reality? Yeah.

I mean I partially want myself to suffer. I'm not saying it's easier. The grass is always greener. I also fantasize about someone coming up to me and shooting me on the street, it doesn't mean I think it's awesome when it happens to someone else.

I also say I wish I could be a NEET and just stay at home, but there are certainly some NEETs out there who don't want to be NEETs and are forced to due to anxiety and other conditions. Am I being insensitive to them when I say I wish I could be a NEET?

I don't think anyone here means to imply it's awesome to have physical disabilities. We're coping with the issues we have. I still wish I would get cancer, if only because it might push me to kms.

I guess I'm sheltered because I've never ever once heard anyone tell someone to "get over" their cancer. Or that cancer is "not real," which is frequently said about depression.

 

[Whale_bones]

I mean I partially want myself to suffer. I'm not saying it's easier. The grass is always greener. I also fantasize about someone coming up to me and shooting me on the street, it doesn't mean I think it's awesome when it happens to someone else.

I also say I wish I could be a NEET and just stay at home, but there are certainly some NEETs out there who don't want to be NEETs and are forced to due to anxiety and other conditions. Am I being insensitive to them when I say I wish I could be a NEET?

I don't think anyone here means to imply it's awesome to have physical disabilities. We're coping with the issues we have. I still wish I would get cancer, if only because it might push me to kms.

I guess I'm sheltered because I've never ever once heard anyone tell someone to "get over" their cancer. Or that cancer is "not real," which is frequently said about depression.

A NEET is not remotely comparable to living with a severe/lifelong physical condition or as a disabled person. Someone could be one for all sorts of different reasons, it's not like being a NEET itself is the life-altering condition. There's a reason there's laws regarding discrimination against disabled people, and there's not laws regarding discrimination against… NEETs.

"Cancer" (unspecified) is the one physical condition always thought of by people who've never had severe physical issues. It's literally the movie stereotype. Even with that very cliche example, there's people who live for a long time suffering with cancer undiagnosed, who've been told by everyone from laypeople to medical professionals to get over their (very real) symptoms.

In real life, there's countless situations where it's not as easy as getting one test. For rare diseases, like mine, doctors often don't even know which gene to test, so unless you get that gene tested by chance, you'll never have an answer.

I have a rare form of muscular dystrophy, a condition that progressively destroys skeletal muscles. So my symptoms were losing my ability to walk, bend, hold objects, etc. over a period of years; extremely real, life-altering symptoms, but without a gene test (which I had no way to know I needed) I appeared normal in many ways to doctors (normal x rays, normal average blood tests, etc). So I was told many times that what was happening to me wasn't real.

My specific disorder is very rare, but my experience isn't. I knew there was a good chance I would die without ever finding out what I had, and it was by pure chance I ended up getting the gene test that found it. And after finally getting diagnosed, I found out it's just an uphill climb of hell from here, because so many people, from laypeople on forums to medical professionals, are ignorant about the existence of lifelong, severe disabling conditions.

It's bad enough to live with it, it's an extra slap in the face when people minimize it and "wish" for the thing that causes me suffering every day.

I share my individual story because I want to point out the very real reason I'm talking about this, it's not hypothetical for me. I've literally encountered so many doctors that give worse medical care because they rely on stereotypes to guide them. Stereotypes damage disabled people's lives in many ways, and it's really not asking much to just avoid them.

 

[derpyderpins]

A NEET is not remotely comparable to living with a severe/lifelong physical condition or as a disabled person… it shows how out of touch you are that you compare them, and I'm not saying that to be offensive. There's a reason there's laws regarding discrimination against disabled people, and there's not laws regarding discrimination against… NEETs.

So your point is not that everyone has difficulties. . . it's that yours are the superior difficulties.

"Cancer" (unspecified) being the one physical condition you think of is what I mean when I say the movie stereotype. I was giving you a real-life example of the person you're talking to with me, I said the phrase "genetic disorder" like three times, yet you bring up cancer. There's other people with physical conditions on this thread who have talked about why this comparison is an issue too, none of whom have said they have cancer.

I specified cancer in my comment you originally responded to and criticized. You moved the bar.

But even with that very stereotypical example, there's people who live for a long time suffering with cancer undiagnosed, who've been told by everyone from laypeople to medical professionals to get over their (very real) symptoms.

In my fantasy it is diagnosed.

I have a rare form of muscular dystrophy, a condition that progressively destroys skeletal muscles. So my symptoms were losing my ability to walk, bend, hold objects, etc. over a period of years; extremely real, life-altering symptoms, but without a gene test (which I had no way to know I needed) I appeared normal in many ways to doctors (normal x rays, normal average blood tests, etc). So I was told many times that what was happening to me wasn't real.

I am terribly sorry to hear that. People can be cruel. I do not deny your suffering in the slightest.

My specific disorder is very rare, but my experience isn't. I knew there was a good chance I would die without ever finding out what I had, and it was by pure chance I ended up getting the gene test that found it. And after finally getting diagnosed, I found out it's just an uphill climb of hell from here, because so many people, from laypeople on forums to medical professionals, are ignorant about the existence of lifelong, severe disabling conditions. It's bad enough to live with it, it's an extra slap in the face when people minimize it and "wish" for the thing that causes me suffering every day.

And my point is that no one is trying to minimize your pain. I apologize to the extent my words may have unintentionally done that, but it was certainly not my intention.

I share my individual story because I want to point out the very real reason I'm talking about this, it's not hypothetical for me. I've literally encountered so many doctors that give worse medical care because they rely on stereotypes to guide them. Stereotypes damage disabled people's lives in many ways, and it's really not asking much to just avoid them.

I don't see what stereotype I pushed other than 'people with physical disabilities deserve compassion and tend to get it more often than people with solely mental dissabilities.' I really don't see how it is damaging. I expect you'll say I was acting like physical disabilities are no big deal but I really wasn't doing that at all.

It seems to me that you brushing off people who are stuck in home due to extreme anxiety you are doing exactly what people are complaining about in this thread. Your entire point is that we shouldn't compare not because comparison is bad, but because physical disabilities are so objectively more serious and difficult.

 

[Whale_bones]

So your point is not that everyone has difficulties. . . it's that yours are the superior difficulties.

I've stated my point directly in my comments. I've never said my point is that "everyone has difficulties" nor implied that. That's a very general and vague statement. I've made the specific point that we shouldn't compare mental illness to physical conditions and say or imply physical conditions are easier, better or preferable.

I also clearly laid out how we shouldn't do the opposite, by giving an example of how a thread that does the exact thing this one does, but swapping the two subjects around, would be a false representation of the type of depression that tons of people here are suffering with, and based off of stereotypes instead of reality.

I specified cancer in my comment you originally responded to and criticized. You moved the bar.

I included your comment with 4 other comments, as examples of people stating that physical conditions were preferable/better in various ways. Your comment wasn't any sort of discussion about cancer, you could have listed any other disease there and the point would have been the same. I also didn't write anything about that comment, I wrote about the second quote I included from you.

In my fantasy it is diagnosed.

I am terribly sorry to hear that.

No offense meant, but I don't actually care if you're sorry to hear that; that's not the reason I typed all that out. It was to further explain my point and why this matters for the people who actually live with this in real life. It's not a fantasy. If you're going to have fantasies that include real-life suffering which you've never experienced and have no understanding of, simply keep them in your head.

I don't see what stereotype I pushed other than 'people with physical disabilities deserve compassion and tend to get it more often than people with solely mental dissabilities.' I really don't see how it is damaging.

You've said nothing at all about people with physical disabilities deserving compassion. Unless you're referring to the comment where you said we get pitied, and "pity is nice"; this might come as a shock, but people with disabilities just want to be treated with basic respect like anyone else, and that includes not being pitied.

I don't have the energy to go into the wide-spread effects of disability stereotypes in society. In general, though, when it's a subject you have no experience with and no education on, it's good to remember that the people who actually have lived experience with it might know what they're talking about.

It seems to me that you brushing off people who are stuck in home due to extreme anxiety you are doing exactly what people are complaining about in this thread. Your entire point is that we shouldn't compare not because comparison is bad, but because physical disabilities are so objectively more serious and difficult.

NEETs are not related to the subject of this thread… this really feels like grasping at straws. You said that you wanted to be one and separately specified that "some" NEETs are NEETs due to anxiety, clearly acknowledging that people can be one for multiple reasons.

I think you know I wasn't talking about people with anxiety, and I've literally said in my first comment no one should make a thread like this saying they wish they had anxiety instead of depression, because that would be insulting to a person with anxiety. In my very first comment, I brought up anxiety and was talking about it as something that should be considered just as serious/equal to anything else, so I don't think your argument has legs to stand on here.

I've stated my point already and explained that the comparison is the issue. It's unnecessary and easily avoidable, and when it's a topic that affects many on this site, it's really not asking much to just avoid it. I'm exhausted, and I don't want this conversation to go around in circles, so unless there is something new or relevant in the discussion to move it forward, I will wish you a good day/night.