I wish I could will myself out of existence

[Painless_end]

I tried going to my 4 storey apartment terrace hoping to jump several times in past few weeks.

But I could only stand near the edge and imagine myself falling. I coudn't physically make the jump. The height is about 100ft or so maybe more.

Now I can't even go there because I know I won't be able to jump. I'm sitting on my sofa fantasizing that my body had a painless off switch like a computer.

 

[enjoy]

ah, survival instinct. sucks, doesn't it? i've been in your shoes before. a few weeks ago, i was sitting on the ledge of a windowsill looking down at the ground. i wanted to jump so badly but i knew i wouldn't. our brains are wired to go on for as long as we can and that's just how it is.

what's got you feeling so down? wanna talk about it?