colorlesshue
all guts no glory; all survivor no guilt.
- Jun 28, 2023
- 134
my brother raped me growing up, and is very verbally abusive towards me as i've gotten older . Nobody would believe me, or even really care. i've grown into a bitter and disgusting person, maybe even ungrateful but I hope he dies. he makes my life miserable constantly, and lies about my mother and me to his friends in order to make himself seem like a better person and i'm just so exhausted. i'm probably a bad person for saying it but i genuinely hope he dies soon,i feel like the only way i can ever truly recover past everything is him leaving my life in every way possible. im afraid constantly because I know he's out there, he threatens me constantly and has continued to objectify and sexuaize me and i'm so fucking scared of him. i hate him i hate him so much and i know im a shitty person for hoping this but i just want to live my life without fear of what he'll do to me or the reminders of what he;s done. he's stolen my life and my youth away, i will never experience girlhood or what its like to live a normal life without the trauma he's inflicted upon me and i dont know what i did to deserve this. i know im not innocent but i feel as if this is a burden i'll carry for the rest pf my life until he dies. i feel like a bad person hoping for his death, i know i'm a bad person for it but fuck man what else can i do. i cant heal i can't even function because my brain reminds me of everything he did everyday and im just so fucking miserable man
