I will kill myself this Saturday

[Neverod]

Well, i don't see that often people going for that method, nothing wrong with it ofc, just takes a big will to take the plunge. Hope you are able to do what you want in the end, thanks for sharing your story.

 

[bigj75]

man I got all my stuff delivered today and damn man I thought I could handle a little more time but I'm done. I want to ctb soon. this Sunday infact.

 

[Time]

man I got all my stuff delivered today and damn man I thought I could handle a little more time but I'm done. I want to ctb soon. this Sunday infact.

I'm happy to hear that you got all your stuff. I'm still in the process of acquiring some stuff.

 

[okaoki]

i'm not good at words

 

[AnnaJaspers]

I second that your writing is excellent. For what it's worth, not much I guess. You've convinced me that it's your time to go--persuasive you are.

 

[woxihuanni]

M

Thanks for sharing with us. I can definitely identify with some of the stuff you posted.

Especially with this:

"All I do is suck up empathy from others, and spit out negativity. I'm a destructive element, I make the world a worse place. I must die."

It's always been hard for me to get close to people but I've recently realized that the ones that do, I treat them like shit.

I believe I punish people for liking me.

My ex hates themselves and so they killed the only one who saw their true face and still lived them.

 

[ReadyToMeetMyMaker]

I'm happy to hear that you got all your stuff. I'm still in the process of acquiring some stuff.

Yea, me too. I am just waiting on my meto. Then I am booking a hotel room and going the stat does route with SN.

 

[metalchic_74]

I'm CTB Sunday night

 

[Time]

M
My ex hates themselves and so they killed the only one who saw their true face and still lived them.

???

 

[woxihuanni]

???

???

The reason I'm dying is my ex. And the typo: *still loved them

 

[not4us]

your writing indeed is excellent! (as many have noticed)

Considering myself a picky reader, if somebody showed me your post saying it was a piece of a book, I would definitely buy that book the same day.

 

[Final Escape]

God you sound so smart though and able in many ways judging from the writing. I'm not sure u should ctb after reading that. You seem like a very gifted intelligent guy. I know I get it, I hate when people see all this potential in me but I just cant function well enough or I'm too jaded to care. It doesn't help me at all when people tell me I'm great and I have all these qualities that should make me successful. For some reason I can't move on from being failed by people who were supposed to have my best interest. I don't know how to get past the betrayal. I feel like I can't love, trust, or consistently be the same from day to day with people.

 

[Conker]

A question before you go, have you played the original Dead Rising yet? you should do so.

I don't wish to be distracted. I want to die. I'm even purposefully playing a game I'm bad at so I can get beat up by players much better than I am, so it sinks in how much I suck.

My last hope was to be a video game streamer, but realising how obnoxious and temperamental I am and how much I suck at games (despite doing nothing else and being interested in nothing else) I now realise that too was false hope.

I just want to die. Maybe there is such a thing as reincarnation and I get a new chance as a better person. If not, I don't mind. I just want out. I can't do this to myself.

You want to reincarnate into better circumstances? I don't judge you for that, but doing so nowadays isn't as safe as it used to be due to Fukushima & other sources of pollution piling up. Also you will get amnesia if that's your choice, maybe even far worse circumstances than what you're dealing with atm since this world is ruled by evil unseen entities.

Do you like this technological age? Because all of these modern luxuries aren't gonna last for much longer, so by the time of your 10th-15th birthday in your other life the world will be so damn unlivable & in ruins that you would rather had just stayed in your current cage until then. The dimension you transition into after death isn't one of love, light and neither is it gonna cure your ignorance. The war continues there unfortunately, find a sound reason or several to keep on going since everybody's gonna die soon anyways by 2033. Have you ever tried any psychedelics for coping?

 

[DyingEmperor2]

A question before you go, have you played the original Dead Rising yet? you should do so.


You want to reincarnate into better circumstances? I don't judge you for that, but doing so nowadays isn't as safe as it used to be due to Fukushima & other sources of pollution piling up. Also you will get amnesia if that's your choice, maybe even far worse circumstances than what you're dealing with atm since this world is ruled by evil unseen entities.

Do you like this technological age? Because all of these modern luxuries aren't gonna last for much longer, so by the time of your 10th-15th birthday in your other life the world will be so damn unlivable & in ruins that you would rather had just stayed in your current cage until then. The dimension you transition into after death isn't one of love, light and neither is it gonna cure your ignorance. The war continues there unfortunately, find a sound reason or several to keep on going since everybody's gonna die soon anyways by 2033. Have you ever tried any psychedelics for coping?

I don't know what will happen after and quite frankly, I don't care. All I know is that I cannot tolerate this existence for another day. I'm utterly disgusted by myself and want this useless person to die.

Even if I'm reborn as a sub-saharan african labourer shoveling shit his whole life, at least I'll be a person that strives and does something and tries to make the best of his situation...and perhaps I won't be alone.

Me right now? I'm just a useless whiny bitch who can't cope and can't manage himself at all. I'm the most stereotypical depressed European person, born into safety and luxury and still failing at everything.

I haven't played Dead Rising, but it doesn't seem that interesting, sorry. Also, in case it is indeed a good game that will give me another reason to live just a couple of days and I don't want that.

your writing indeed is excellent! (as many have noticed)

Considering myself a picky reader, if somebody showed me your post saying it was a piece of a book, I would definitely buy that book the same day.

I don't think so. For example, I could never write a female character, ever. Either my bitterness and resentment or my lust would ruin it. I couldn't ever write a realistic female character. As I said before: I don't read books, so I can't be a writer. Being able to scribble some crap on a suicide forum is not the same as writing marketable literature.

Besides, I would want to write the deep shit, like Dostoevsky or Tolstoy (the last stuff I read like 10 years ago) and nobody wants to read that stuff in the information age.

God you sound so smart though and able in many ways judging from the writing. I'm not sure u should ctb after reading that. You seem like a very gifted intelligent guy. I know I get it, I hate when people see all this potential in me but I just cant function well enough or I'm too jaded to care. It doesn't help me at all when people tell me I'm great and I have all these qualities that should make me successful. For some reason I can't move on from being failed by people who were supposed to have my best interest. I don't know how to get past the betrayal. I feel like I can't love, trust, or consistently be the same from day to day with people.

If I was so smart I wouldn't have failed at uni. Quite frankly, after what that bitch did to me about 2 years ago I've completely fallen apart, even more so than before.

I can't trust anyone. Even if I somehow gathered all my strength (of which I have none) all that will do is enable someone to take advantage of me. I can't ever approach a woman again, because in the UK,a lady can ruin your life with a flick of her wrist. I don't even need to be convicted, enhanced criminal background checks will show that I've been accused of something, I will never be able to clear myself.

I will have to be constantly terrified of females in the work place. I can't even have a business of my own where I can be safe from women because eventually the SJW police will come after me to force me to hire some.

I don't care about numbers, all I know is that I'm 100% defenseless against women and any of them can instantly destroy my life just because they felt like it. Forget about kids, even if I had some, she would take them away from me and accuse me of something to ensure I never see them again. No evidence needed, just a sob story and a convincing act.

Even if this whole nightmarish social imbalance was to vanish, I've gathered too much fear and bitterness. It's blatantly obvious I haven't had a decent relationship, ever, women can smell that shit from a mile away and flee. 'Weak man'. For men, there's a point of no return: once you're broken enough you will never get laid again, because they can smell the weakness.

I also don't like where the world is going politically, censorship, the trampling of freedom of speech, feminism, free pass given to and 0 criticism exerted towards Islam, big companies sucking China's dick, 'white heterosexual males are the spawn of Satan', etc.Even if I was the best person I could be, I still wouldn't want to live in this world.

Of course, none of this is a threat because I'm just a lazy slab of fat with no discipline or self-control beyond 'don't punch the man'. I enrolled in a course to do with video game design and failed. It's one of the things I'm most interested in, yet I completely failed.

So what exactly am I supposed to do now? I'll be shoveling shit for the rest of my life, periodically retreating to my den to life-support myself with video games, all the while getting more and more resentful and sad.

No thank you. Right now I can die with my dignity. If I wait until my 50s I won't even have anyone to remember me fondly. 'That smelly old guy on the 3rd floor hung himself. Thank fuck, he was always mean and unfriendly to everyone.'

 

[Sweet emotion]

I wish you peace and no pain.

 

[azucaramargo]

I have more respect for you than you do for yourself.

Yes!!!

I don't think so. For example, I could never write a female character, ever. Either my bitterness and resentment or my lust would ruin it. I couldn't ever write a realistic female character. As I said before: I don't read books, so I can't be a writer. Being able to scribble some crap on a suicide forum is not the same as writing marketable literature.

I'm a woman, and just like @FTL.Wanderer said, I felt like you were describing me.

I have 0 discipline, ability to control myself, set up routines or change my habits.

This is how I feel, too. Thank you for putting it into words.

I have 0 discipline, ability to control myself, set up routines or change my habits.

This is how I feel, too. Thank you for putting it into words.

I feel like trying to end my life tonight, although honestly I probably won't. We'll see.

I think today may be one of my lowest yet.

Today I've felt something I've never felt before, I actually feel hope and positivity when I think about suicide.

I created a belt noose in my closet earlier today. I'm considering hanging myself with it.

I think I'm experiencing a panic attack or something, like I am constantly feeling that fight or flight response.

God I hate life so much, I just want my misery to end.

What happened that day, if you don't mind?

 

[jgm63]

Wishing you the best, whatever you decide to do.

 

[MisanthropicLycan]

I am sorry you have to deal with this megaton of misery. I am sorry you feel like you are at the bitter end of a painful road and have no escape other than death. That is a brutal and ugly reality to have to face. You really sound like you are hurting real bad and I hate to see that since you seem like a cool dude.... I can relate and strongly empathize with so much of what you have said. I lament the state of this sick sad world and I couldn't agree with your political views more.

I wish I had some good advice to give you but I am suffering in this hell with you. All I can think to say is before you choose the rope and eternal oblivion maybe try to relax for a few days while heavily sedated on xanax, valium or codeine cough syrup just to forget about the pain for awhile and fall into some mind-numbing bliss. Do a euphoric drug and lounge in a hot-tub. Just try to have a temporary synthetic escape from the bleak state of mind you are in to get better perspective on everything.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I'm so sorry you've had to come to this decision after so much pain. I offer my heart out to you and I hope today is a peaceful and successful travel for you.. x

 

[DyingEmperor2]

So, some stuff happened:

1. I woke up today with an unbearable stomach ache. This started last night with a minor nuisance but it has, by the morning, became excruciating pain. Had to go to the doctor, who gave me some nice painkillers. After that I passed out and awoke just now, feeling relieved. I don't know if it's the sense of relief or just too much time having passed, but I can feel that the moment is gone and I can no longer overpower my survival instinct.

2. My rope did arrive, but it's too thick and I couldn't tie a proper noose on it. Even if I was prepared to go ahead with my plan, this rope is not suitable

Which is truly tragic indeed, far more tragic than if I died. The moment is gone and now I must continue to suffer.

I also think this wasn't just a whine for attention. I felt more determined to end my suffering than ever before. I've never actually went ahead and ordered the rope, the last time I did this I cancelled the order. This time I even opted-in to amazon prime so I can get it sooner.

I'll have to order a replacement rope and await my next opportunity.

 

[not4us]

For Honor.

what are your favorite video games apart of this one?

 

[DyingEmperor2]

what are your favorite video games apart of this one?

Europa Universalis 4. Warhammer Total War 2 (hence the name, I love strategy), Anything Dark Souls related